Undergraduate /
CMC essay; "First in war, first in peace, and first in our countrymen's hearts" [16]
reading my own post, it sounded a bit harsh.
I do like the progression of the leadership qualities, but i think the admission officers would prefer a shorter (possbilt cut out those 2 paragraphs you mentioned) leadership essay as opposed to a verbose one.
I just think it would be better to be quick to the point. If you connect those two paragraphs to the main topic its fine.
Also 4 pages means about 1000s i believe. I think thats a bit too much. There are exceptions, but again, the shorter to the point the better i would argue.
Grammarwise i didnt find any. However, iam not big on grammar so.
Can you read mine as well?
I dont have the points to start my own thread.
This is for the U of chicago optional essay. Main thing I would like to you see is if its worht sending or not becuase i have better required essays.