foodforthought
Jan 5, 2009
Undergraduate / UPenn, Brown, - short answer Thank you [7]
"I think that some people thought it was cheap for society to ignore poor people and, if they had to, let them starve on the street... But it turns out that having people live on the street isn't cheap after all." Reading an article of Dr. Dennis Culhane, I realized how true his statement is. Seeing firsthand the severity of homelessness in my city, Vancouver, I want to bring my experience of having worked with numerous homeless personsto Philadelphia, where the situation is just as serious. As I have seen a dramatic change in working with Project Share, a club devoted to alleviating the homeless conditions, and conducting research on homeless youth, I now wish to study this issue more extensively. By conducting research with renowned Dr.Culhane on his innovative, integrated administrative databases, I wish to discuss further the critical social issues and take a peek at the professor's profound concepts."
Hi, I had just a couple of grammatical suggestions (see above). Also, I deleted a few words, but didn't know how to use the tools to indicate that, so you'll need to compare this with your original paragraph. Remember, "homeless" is an adjective, not a noun.
Lastly, I edited the sentence about Dennis Culhane's work to clarify that you're interested in Dr. Culhane's theoretical contributions to the field and not just his databases. After all, his review of administrative data wouldn't have been very important if he didn't analyze the data and use it to frame the larger concepts of the demographics of homelessness and what that means for how we should structure homeless assistance.
"I think that some people thought it was cheap for society to ignore poor people and, if they had to, let them starve on the street... But it turns out that having people live on the street isn't cheap after all." Reading an article of Dr. Dennis Culhane, I realized how true his statement is. Seeing firsthand the severity of homelessness in my city, Vancouver, I want to bring my experience of having worked with numerous homeless personsto Philadelphia, where the situation is just as serious. As I have seen a dramatic change in working with Project Share, a club devoted to alleviating the homeless conditions, and conducting research on homeless youth, I now wish to study this issue more extensively. By conducting research with renowned Dr.Culhane on his innovative, integrated administrative databases, I wish to discuss further the critical social issues and take a peek at the professor's profound concepts."
Hi, I had just a couple of grammatical suggestions (see above). Also, I deleted a few words, but didn't know how to use the tools to indicate that, so you'll need to compare this with your original paragraph. Remember, "homeless" is an adjective, not a noun.
Lastly, I edited the sentence about Dennis Culhane's work to clarify that you're interested in Dr. Culhane's theoretical contributions to the field and not just his databases. After all, his review of administrative data wouldn't have been very important if he didn't analyze the data and use it to frame the larger concepts of the demographics of homelessness and what that means for how we should structure homeless assistance.
