lianab8
Sep 18, 2012
lianab8
Sep 14, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Psychology and Economics studies' - My Cornell supplemental essay [6]
Hi, I'm new to this site, so sorry if I'm not terribly great. I will try to be as honest as possible.
The sentence "Knowing much about the school from his colleagues, he was very confident" is awkward, like you're missing a word or two. You switch tense in your essay (I knew then that Cornell University is my choice). You also might want to refrain from using phrases like "a lot" multiple times. In your fourth sentence, you're missing the word "and."
You seemed to have just dropped economics into your response, so you might want to elaborate on that a little more.
Although you did mention what first drew you to Psychology, I feel like your explanation of your interest is slightly expected.
The last paragraph is, in my opinion, the best because it speaks the most specifically about Cornell.
Overall, I think that you have a good idea, but that your presentation is lacking passion and flow. If you change some of the transitions and alter your syntax/diction to show more of your character and interest, I think you could better your response.
I hope this helps!
Hi, I'm new to this site, so sorry if I'm not terribly great. I will try to be as honest as possible.
The sentence "Knowing much about the school from his colleagues, he was very confident" is awkward, like you're missing a word or two. You switch tense in your essay (I knew then that Cornell University is my choice). You also might want to refrain from using phrases like "a lot" multiple times. In your fourth sentence, you're missing the word "and."
You seemed to have just dropped economics into your response, so you might want to elaborate on that a little more.
Although you did mention what first drew you to Psychology, I feel like your explanation of your interest is slightly expected.
The last paragraph is, in my opinion, the best because it speaks the most specifically about Cornell.
Overall, I think that you have a good idea, but that your presentation is lacking passion and flow. If you change some of the transitions and alter your syntax/diction to show more of your character and interest, I think you could better your response.
I hope this helps!