Beza101
Dec 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / Changed from being a loner [3]
This is the first draft of my college essay... please review and feedback. Be as harsh as possible!!!
I have been told, since the time I remember, that being a loner, not wanting to spend time with people was not good. The idea that everyone needs to be social and has to be happy about it did not sit well with me. But, somehow I knew that me being a loner was not correct and had to change that. Don't get me wrong, there are some perks of bring a loner like being able to be alone for an extended period of time and not minding, focusing more on what I personally like to do...
Then came the time when I was a junior in high school. Now at the beginning of the year, it was all the same as the years before, going about my normal activities, doing group works alone- basically being a loner. And then came third quarter and our English teacher gave us a group assignment. He said we had to do the Romeo and Juliet drama and that each and every one of 11th grader had to do it. I, initially, did not want to do it because as usual I didn't want to be around people for a continuous time; and as one could see it requires an extended time for practice. I tried to talk to my English teacher asking not to do it and, since I really care about my marks, if he could give me and individual assignment to compensate. He replied negatively telling me that I, especially, needed it. So, forcefully, I, together with my group mates, started to practice for the drama.
In full denial, I practiced with my group mates for weeks. I had the role of Benevolio; a fairly large part. So, I had to practice more than the average member. Unwillingly, I spent time with approximately 12 people. It was probably the first time I was surrounded by a group for a continuous time. Slowly, each of us got to know the other. We started to go together to places, making practice as an excuse. Exploring things I have never did before. Things that a normal person would take for granted. Caring for those bunch of people.
Then, the time came when we had to present what we had been working for for weeks. Even though it was not the best, it wasn't the worst either. We did it! Now that everything was over, we had no reason to meet anymore. But fortunately for me, we did and for the first time I had close friends.
I finally saw what I was missing. Before the drama assignment, I thought nothing was wrong with me but now I knew what I hadn't thought was wrong. If it wasn't for the drama and my English teacher, I wouldn't have been the socially active person that I am now. I vowed to myself that I will never go back to the person I used to be.
This is the first draft of my college essay... please review and feedback. Be as harsh as possible!!!
I have been told, since the time I remember, that being a loner, not wanting to spend time with people was not good. The idea that everyone needs to be social and has to be happy about it did not sit well with me. But, somehow I knew that me being a loner was not correct and had to change that. Don't get me wrong, there are some perks of bring a loner like being able to be alone for an extended period of time and not minding, focusing more on what I personally like to do...
Then came the time when I was a junior in high school. Now at the beginning of the year, it was all the same as the years before, going about my normal activities, doing group works alone- basically being a loner. And then came third quarter and our English teacher gave us a group assignment. He said we had to do the Romeo and Juliet drama and that each and every one of 11th grader had to do it. I, initially, did not want to do it because as usual I didn't want to be around people for a continuous time; and as one could see it requires an extended time for practice. I tried to talk to my English teacher asking not to do it and, since I really care about my marks, if he could give me and individual assignment to compensate. He replied negatively telling me that I, especially, needed it. So, forcefully, I, together with my group mates, started to practice for the drama.
In full denial, I practiced with my group mates for weeks. I had the role of Benevolio; a fairly large part. So, I had to practice more than the average member. Unwillingly, I spent time with approximately 12 people. It was probably the first time I was surrounded by a group for a continuous time. Slowly, each of us got to know the other. We started to go together to places, making practice as an excuse. Exploring things I have never did before. Things that a normal person would take for granted. Caring for those bunch of people.
Then, the time came when we had to present what we had been working for for weeks. Even though it was not the best, it wasn't the worst either. We did it! Now that everything was over, we had no reason to meet anymore. But fortunately for me, we did and for the first time I had close friends.
I finally saw what I was missing. Before the drama assignment, I thought nothing was wrong with me but now I knew what I hadn't thought was wrong. If it wasn't for the drama and my English teacher, I wouldn't have been the socially active person that I am now. I vowed to myself that I will never go back to the person I used to be.
