Posts by anelson8

anelson8

Oct 2, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Roommate and science', 'Music Conservatory Battle' - 2 Stanford Supplements [2]

I enjoyed reading your essays, but there are a few things that I would change.

In the second essay:
Patients in poor countries, like Vietnam, don't have the time to wait for medical help.
I would change this...
In fact, my grandma forever left me, alone in my bed at night, because the ambulance just couldn't win the battle against time while trying to rush her to the hospital.

to
In fact, while I was lying in bed, my grandmother left me forever because the ambulance just couldn't win the battle against time while trying to rush her to the hospital.

In your sentence alone in my bed at night is a misplaced modifier. It sounds like your grandmother died in your bed because that cluase was refering to your grandmother.

Best of luck getting in to Stanford.

anelson8

Oct 2, 2012

Undergraduate / In the nation's service and in the service of all nations...Princeton Essay [2]

Hi everyone! This is my essay for Princeton. I feel like it's lacking "spark" and personality. Do you have any suggestions? Any help is greatly appreciated.

Using the statement below as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you
define one of your values or changed how you approach the world.
"Princeton in the Nation's Service" was the title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson on the
150th anniversary of the University. It became the unofficial Princeton motto and was expanded
for the University's 250th anniversary to "Princeton in the nation's service and in the service of
all nations."
Woodrow Wilson, Princeton Class of 1879, served on the faculty and was Princeton's
president from 1902-1910.

Princeton in the nation's service and in the service of all nation...
Service is not always newsworthy nor does it require grand sums of wealth. Service is not always apparent and sometimes it is only recognizable upon reflection. Initially, though, this prompt caused me concern because I kept searching within myself for some grandiose act of servitude. After contemplation, I discovered that my most profound service to the world is, truly, amity. My service to all nations is best demonstrated by my friendship with Angelica, a daughter of Vietnamese immigrants.

Whenever I spend time with her, I seemingly journey into another nation. I hear her parents converse in Vietnamese throughout her house, rather than in English. Instead of hearing Katy Perry or Rihanna, sounds of Asian bands echo throughout her room. Her house is adorned with Vietnamese calendars, while my house is filled with various prints of the American landscapes.

In addition to the Vietnamese decorations, many school pictures of a smiling Angelica span her house. Likewise, school pictures are commonplace throughout the shelves of my home. Her room, like mine, is stacked with Advanced Placement preparation books and various novels written by F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jane Austen. When we go out shopping, we gravitate toward similar clothes, preferring dresses to denim. Her father from the farms of Vietnam and my father from the farms of Missouri both prefer computer programming as a hobby to watching football. Our friendship is based on those incredibly simple things that we share in common, despite our different backgrounds.

When I used to look at the nations of the world, I saw differences. When people look at Angelica and me, they see differences first because of our dissimilar heritages. Differences always seem to be emphasized over similarities. Differences in social circles and differences in style of dress are pointed to as reasons why certain people can simply not be friends. Differences of religion and differences of economic systems are pointed to as reasons why the world's nations will never fully cooperate. My friendship with Angelica has allowed me to notice that more similarities span the world than differences.

Princeton acts in the nation's service and in the service of all nations by bringing teenagers from all different backgrounds and interests together. The barriers based on differences are broken down as students become friends with one another based on the shared dedication to academics and community. I truly hope that I, too, will become part of Princeton's service to this nation and all nations by becoming part of the myriad of friendships and further discovering the similarities among all people.