seanydee
Jan 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / "The Great Changes" - Essay Feedback [3]
My teacher assigned me an essay for my senior book. I have posted before and I would love to get feedback on this next piece of my book.
The Great Changes
For most people, high school is just the next step of education. Everyone has their close friends whom they have known since elementary school. My first day of high school entails a somewhat different story. My mother removed me from elementary school in the summer of what would become my fifth grade year. She put me in a private school from then until the end of ninth grade year when hurricane Katrina demolished the school. This year consisted of many struggles and triumphs for me.
For example, my brother had been a trombone player at the high school I was now attending, and he believed that I should try to join the band because it had many benefits. So, I took his advice and joined, expecting to march a trombone. The band director, however, had a different idea. The band needed a tuba player. The first day I thought I had broken my back. Still I continued to march and I began to enjoy the freedoms that band members had. Soon it became one of the most memorable moments in my life. I could stay in the band hall while others had to go to lunch outside in the weather, I made new friends, and most importantly I developed an interest in learning how to play an instrument.
Finally, band was not the only new thing that accompanied this year. I had to take classes with real teachers who expected me to study. My teachers gave many notes to write and many assignments to complete. This was all new to me and as a result I had to stay up into the later hours of the night to finish everything. It was very difficult, but it prepared me for what was to come in the near future.
In conclusion, my tenth grade year was a year of growth. I learned what it takes to succeed in my classes and I experienced band and all of the bonuses associated with it. These struggles developed into the triumphs that I will most cherish throughout my life.
My teacher assigned me an essay for my senior book. I have posted before and I would love to get feedback on this next piece of my book.
The Great Changes
For most people, high school is just the next step of education. Everyone has their close friends whom they have known since elementary school. My first day of high school entails a somewhat different story. My mother removed me from elementary school in the summer of what would become my fifth grade year. She put me in a private school from then until the end of ninth grade year when hurricane Katrina demolished the school. This year consisted of many struggles and triumphs for me.
For example, my brother had been a trombone player at the high school I was now attending, and he believed that I should try to join the band because it had many benefits. So, I took his advice and joined, expecting to march a trombone. The band director, however, had a different idea. The band needed a tuba player. The first day I thought I had broken my back. Still I continued to march and I began to enjoy the freedoms that band members had. Soon it became one of the most memorable moments in my life. I could stay in the band hall while others had to go to lunch outside in the weather, I made new friends, and most importantly I developed an interest in learning how to play an instrument.
Finally, band was not the only new thing that accompanied this year. I had to take classes with real teachers who expected me to study. My teachers gave many notes to write and many assignments to complete. This was all new to me and as a result I had to stay up into the later hours of the night to finish everything. It was very difficult, but it prepared me for what was to come in the near future.
In conclusion, my tenth grade year was a year of growth. I learned what it takes to succeed in my classes and I experienced band and all of the bonuses associated with it. These struggles developed into the triumphs that I will most cherish throughout my life.
