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Posts by rcimalive
Joined: Oct 17, 2012
Last Post: Oct 17, 2012
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From: United States of America

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rcimalive   
Oct 17, 2012
Undergraduate / THE ULTIMATE HIGH (COMMON APP ESSAY) [2]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Possible titles: The Ultimate High OR Rediscovering Running
The start gun fired, but I didn't begin my race until 10 minutes later. I wasn't intentionally giving a generous head start, I was stuck behind thousands of people. Once I crossed the start, I broke into a fast run. I didn't expect to continue running the entire half marathon. My training routine consisted of only 10 miles per week. I was no longer the cross country endurance runner of 8th grade, nor the speedy 5-minute miler of sophomore year. I was mentally prepared to walk half the race and feel pitiful afterward.

Thankfully, my thoughts did not convert to reality. My speed leveled off after 3 miles, as I adapted my pace to that of nearby racers. With little training, I crossed miles 4, 5, 6, 7...at a surprisingly quick pace. I enjoyed the winding course around downtown Miami, through South Beach, passing by residential areas and parks. Cheer zones occurred every mile, and my face lit up as I heard pounding drums and blasting trumpets, usually reserved for football games. I pushed myself to the tune of people chanting, in throngs of 50, "Keep it up! You can do it!" I felt like I could run forever. I was invigorated, competitive, driven, and nearly incapable of tiredness.

At mile 11, I proceeded into a faster run, motivated by the finish line less than 2 miles away. I pumped my arms and lengthened my stride, passing a person per second, giving no one the opportunity to catch up. There was the marker: 12 miles. A little bit faster. Then the road started to narrow, blocked off by thick lines of people cheering "you're almost there!" barely audible over the resonating drums. I matched my speed to the tempo of the music, sprinting through the finish line and bowing so that people could recognize my incredible performance. I received my medal and smiled ecstatically for the cameraman capturing my most prideful moment.

I had done the seemingly impossible. My body was accustomed to running only a couple of miles per day, but it had accomplished the amazing feat of a continuous 13 miles. My passion for the sport was instantly reignited. I desperately wanted to reactivate the runner's high and compete. Without hesitating, I signed up for the 2013 Half Marathon a few days later, and made a commitment to return to cross country and become even faster than before.

Running is the simplest sport, but we've had a complicated relationship. It exhausts me. It invigorates me. I hate it. I love it. But I do it for the moment at the end of the race, where I feel invincible and unbreakable, with a smile bigger than anything else could bring to my face. The adrenaline rush that I experienced represents the pinnacle of physical activity. More importantly, it symbolizes my craving for being the best person that I can be. I want to be the fastest runner possible; I strive to learn as much as I can so that I can be a successful student, and eventually, an extraordinary employee; my weekends are lined with volunteer activities so that I can make a positive impact on my community. I view life as a journey toward reaching my potential, and every second as an additional opportunity to achieve it.
rcimalive   
Oct 17, 2012
Undergraduate / STANFORD: The Chance I Never Had;The Power of Happiness [2]

I really liked both of the essays! You conveyed meaningful experiences in a very short amount of space and explained their significance effectively. There's some specific revisions that I have:

"Unfortunately, I couldn't participate in the program because my parents couldn't afford it."
"my AP Calculus teacher felt a change as well" ----> "My AP Calculus teacher noticed as well"
The one attribute I greatly lacked in my repertoire was the ability to teach others. ---> "The one attribute I lacked was the ability to teach others."

Even though I couldn't attend the Summer Challenge Program, spending the summer tutoring was the next best thing -----> I don't think you should mention the fact that the Summer Challenge Program would have been a better experience... just emphasize the positive and unexpected impact that the tutoring had on you.

"As we exited Ahmedabad airport, a rickshaw drove us to Gavada, my parents' home village, which stretched about a half mile long in the state of Gujarat, an hour from the airport." --> You were missing commas in the sentence.

I thought the conclusion of your second essay was awesome!!!

Since you know calculus, seem to really like it, and are also applying to Stanford, I thought you could help me out by returning the favor (PLEASE!)
rcimalive   
Oct 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The streets of San José' --Applying to Penn, Georgetown, and UChicago [4]

It's a fairly good essay, but I think that you need to create a stronger link between your experience at Costa Rica and what you learned from it. In Costa Rica, you met people with "exhilarating spirit" despite the fact that they were economically low-class. The lesson you could take from that is "you don't need money to buy you happiness," but the lesson that YOU learned was "one's contributions to society-not possessions- make a difference in this world." However, you don't talk anything about contributions to society in the beginning part of the essay. The experience and the lesson thus seem unrelated...

Did I explain myself well?
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