Doxielover31
Nov 5, 2012
Graduate / Aphasia, impaired language development and articulation disorder Language Pathology [2]
Hi!
I am also applying for a grad program in SLP. I read your essay and I liked it, but I have a few suggestions.
1. I love your introduction. However, your last sentence in that first paragraph is weak. I don't ever like to start a sentence with "but," and I certainly wouldn't want the last sentence of my first paragraph to begin that way. I might use "surprisingly" or "despite what some might think," or at least try "yet" or "however" before using "but."
2. In your 2nd-3rd paragraphs, you reference a simple "fix." While it is true that sometimes there is a simple fix in speech therapy, I'm not sure it's a very good point to be making. I would imagine that the graduate school wants to know that you are ready to take on any client- from the simple articulation disorders to full on acquired neurological disorders, such as with your cousin. If you are going to mention the simple fix, I think you should also mention your awareness of the extensive kind of rehabilitative therapy necessary for stroke and TBI victims.
3. I think your conclusion returning to your cousin's story is a bit too abrupt and also wanting for more detail. It is nice to have the congruity of beginning and ending with the same ideas, but you did little to elaborate on what the significance is about Bill's happiness. Why did you choose to point out how happy he is despite his speech problems? Is he happier with them than he would be without them? Is he happy now that he is better at communicating? Maybe it is not the best thing to say unless you have something more thought provoking to add to it.
I think If you were able to establish that Bill's quality of life was improved by an SLP or by therapy, and that it is inspirational to you...that would be a better way to include his story. Your conclusion should be more powerful - maybe you can say that you hope to be able to help people like your cousin?
Hope this helps! Good luck!
Hi!
I am also applying for a grad program in SLP. I read your essay and I liked it, but I have a few suggestions.
1. I love your introduction. However, your last sentence in that first paragraph is weak. I don't ever like to start a sentence with "but," and I certainly wouldn't want the last sentence of my first paragraph to begin that way. I might use "surprisingly" or "despite what some might think," or at least try "yet" or "however" before using "but."
2. In your 2nd-3rd paragraphs, you reference a simple "fix." While it is true that sometimes there is a simple fix in speech therapy, I'm not sure it's a very good point to be making. I would imagine that the graduate school wants to know that you are ready to take on any client- from the simple articulation disorders to full on acquired neurological disorders, such as with your cousin. If you are going to mention the simple fix, I think you should also mention your awareness of the extensive kind of rehabilitative therapy necessary for stroke and TBI victims.
3. I think your conclusion returning to your cousin's story is a bit too abrupt and also wanting for more detail. It is nice to have the congruity of beginning and ending with the same ideas, but you did little to elaborate on what the significance is about Bill's happiness. Why did you choose to point out how happy he is despite his speech problems? Is he happier with them than he would be without them? Is he happy now that he is better at communicating? Maybe it is not the best thing to say unless you have something more thought provoking to add to it.
I think If you were able to establish that Bill's quality of life was improved by an SLP or by therapy, and that it is inspirational to you...that would be a better way to include his story. Your conclusion should be more powerful - maybe you can say that you hope to be able to help people like your cousin?
Hope this helps! Good luck!