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Posts by sonyab0627
Joined: Nov 11, 2012
Last Post: Nov 23, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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sonyab0627   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Effects of grandparents' cancer on academics, optional essay C [3]

The optional "topic c" essay for UT Austin and UT Dallas. The topic is: "There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment." This is pretty rough, I just wrote it in about 45 minutes or so. Any help would be appreciated! Thank you.

Cancer..hospitals..chemotherapy..unfortunately, these ringing words became all too routine and familiar in my house my freshman and early sophomore years of high school. These were the years when my two grandfathers were diagnosed with Cancer...and these were the years when my life took a complete 360 degree turn.

Growing up, my grandfathers were like second dads to me. Since my early days, my parents have worked all day - coming home late at night, with not much time or energy left to give me attention that I longed for. My grandparents, however, filled that missing piece by coming to our house almost every day. Whether they were teaching me how to write and read in Russian, how to ride my bike, helping me solve elementary math problems, or simply taking me on walks to the nearby park, I formed an unexplainable bond with them. I always looked up to them, and they played the role of not only caretakers in my life, but of second parents, best friends, and role models.

Fast forwarding some years later was when I had to face the toughest challenge in my life to this day: losing both of my grandfathers to cancer. During the spring break before high school, one of my grandfathers was diagnosed with Leukemia, and shortly after the other one fell sick to Pancreatic Cancer. My days began to follow a pattern - go to school, eat, go to the hospital, attempt to do homework, and repeat. As the weeks passed, I saw my parents less and less - but when I did, I noticed the increasing wrinkles on their faces. There was only stress, frustration, and hopelessness in their eyes. The mail that came to the house was for radiation and chemotherapy bills, our phone calls were from doctors or insurance companies, and the outings we took on the weekends were to hospitals.

My parents' schedules consisted of going to work and then driving between doctors - coming home even later than before, and I began to lose any "guiding figure" that I once had. I began re prioritizing my activities, and my academics became neglected. At the time, I only thought about the well being of my grandfathers, and did not realize the repercussions that my overall academics would face because of my disregard during those years. After almost two long and struggle-filled years, my grandfathers passed away - nearly 4 months apart from each other. I did not know why it happened to the people who deserved only the best, and as the months passed I struggled with keeping my faith, my relationships, and myself. However eventually, I began to turn my life around, knowing that my grandfathers would only want me to persevere and work hard to reach my goals. I then refocused on my academics, joined clubs, and continued playing piano in my passion for music. By facing this obstacle, I now know what I am capable of accomplishing..and I am now stronger to take on any further challenges in my life.
sonyab0627   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'School in pyjamas' - personal statement essay about home schooling - topic of choice [3]

"my wide group of friends could not derive from a single place" I think it should be changed to "does not derive from a single place". Also, "And yes, maybe I am nerdier than your average teenager..." try starting the sentence with "Yes", because sentences shouldn't start with "and". Other than that, great essay!
sonyab0627   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'My new idea of security' - UC Personal Statement #1 Critique [2]

I think it's a good essay, and your point is clear! One comment, I think the sentence in the last paragraph should say "I want to prevent the fear" instead of "I wanted" because it's better tense agreement with the sentence before.
sonyab0627   
Nov 11, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Technology and classical music' - Issue of significance essay prompt [3]

Hi, I'm currently filling out college apps using apply texas and common application, and this is my essay for the "issue" prompt. (Choose an issue of importance to you, the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation). Any suggestions or tips would be great! Thank you.

The Decline in the popularity of classical music

Finally, the weekend! As I jump in the car to go out with some friends on a Friday night, I turn on my ipod to my favorite playlist. With my ipod on shuffle, it starts with Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven", gives way to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", and turns into my favorite from the Romantic period - Chopin's Second Piano Concerto. In the middle of the second movement, I pull into my friend's driveway - and so i quickly change it to a popular hip hop song before she comes inside. I love spending time with my friends regardless of their musical taste, but why does it have to feel so "uncool" to listen to one of my favorite genres of music in front of my friends?

While going to the Dallas Symphony concerts on the weekends with another friend of mine - a rare 17 year old classical music enthusiast like myself, I can't help but notice that the average age of a listener there is around 50 years old. As a pianist myself, I'd like to play a part in reviving the interest in classical music among the younger generation. While it is not as easy to influence my peers' musical preference, it is easier to start with elementary school kids. As soon as an opportunity presented itself, when I was fourteen, I began teaching piano lessons to a couple of neighbor kids - and through word of mouth I eventually ended up with several students and had to "hire" an "agent" - my dad - to keep track of the schedule and accounting. While that was a great way to supplement my income throughout high school, there has been nothing more gratifying than seeing the genuinely interested look on the second grader's face when they finally master Joplin's "Entertainer".

Technology has been developing at a neck breaking rate over the last few decades, and while it has immensely benefited humanity, it ironically has had a tendency to dehumanize society as well. While one of the biggest issues of this area is the deterioration of interpersonal communication skills, this is also seen through the desensitization of contemporary music, with its dependence on technology - compared with the personal "vibes" from classical music.

One of the ways to revive interest in classical music is to perhaps establish a tradition in elementary schools to take kids out to theatres or symphonies once a semester or so. This would help spark interest in young minds, like it did for me when I was in the second grade. During the winter break of that year, my parents took me to their homeland, Russia. We spent two weeks in Moscow, and I did what many school kids do there - went to several concerts and saw a few plays in some of the famous Moscow theatres. Of course Russian children also listen to Michael Jackson and Britney Spears, but I wouldn't feel uncomfortable listening to classical music around them after seeing a bunch of kids attending the Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker" the night before.

This is a tradition that would be great to "import" into the American school system, encouraging the interest of new generations in classical music, regardless of how computerized and digitized everything around us is becoming.
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