sapana_bisen123
Nov 17, 2012
Undergraduate / The World that I Come from has always been one of constant struggle...( UC Prompt 1) [2]
Please please help me review because I am quite nervous that my essay does not fit the prompt properly. I have had two people in my school, my current AP Literature and Composition teacher and my counselor who used to be a UC essay reader, give me two different opinions. My teacher believed that my essay did not answer the prompt accurately, and my counselor believed that it was quite strong and unique, so you could probably imagine my confusion as to who I should listen to. Thank you so much and please feel free to critique to your heart's desire! :)
The world that I come from has always been one of constant change, struggle, and triumph. During my lifetime, specifically my teenage years, my family's cultural background taught me caution regarding my personal life, and respect for everything and everyone, such as academic materials and my parents. With this respect, I am able to submit and learn from my teacher's lessons and experiences and apply it to my own life and career path. With this caution, I keep my own opinions and feelings for certain experiences, which makes me more individualistic and independent. For me, home has always been where my heart resides; and the place where I have always felt protected from the woes of the outside world. My family is like my castle that saves me from the harsh reality of life, especially death, academic stress, and friendships.
I have always been expected to be the model and example to my three younger siblings, who not only share similar tan skin and brown eyes but also mischievous personalities. Due to the large age difference between my younger siblings and me, I assumed a motherly role in their life as I laughed at their latest jokes, nursed their scraped knees, and praised their accomplishments. Due to these high standards set by my parents and myself, I have had to work ten times harder to succeed as a student, sister, daughter, and friend. Time of childish ignorance, such as the thumping of thumbs and slight vibrations from the videogame controller and sweet children's laughter late into the hot summer nights, can never be replaced and never be revived. I have always been mature and responsible, but the greatest awakening moment of my life came at the age of 12 with my best friend's (Nancy's) death.
I met Nancy in my fifth period art class, and immediately connected with her due to our common interests in poetry and science. Nancy was a beautiful girl with abnormally large, luminous brown eyes, a fair complexion, and straight black hair, who permanently sat in a wheelchair. Because Nancy was already tenuous, I didn't notice her growing weakness until one spring day, when; she collapsed in class and was rushed to the hospital. After school, I went to visit her, and was immediately struck by the strong scent of the room that purged all of my senses. I struggled to keep my choking sobs inside but I had awakened Nancy, who lay in the center of the room. She motioned me to come close and whispered "I'm sorry for not telling you" before closing her eyes for the last time. The beep came first, followed by a growing chill pervading the room. I was thankful that the moment was over, but felt helpless; I had lost my best friend and no one could do anything to help me.
In the weeks that followed, I was numb and mute, hearing the whispers and catching the sympathetic gazes from the corner of my eyes but choosing grief as my companion. During this time, my family tiptoed around me, careful not to say or do anything to upset me further because they had never seen me so lifeless before and it served as a shock to them. I was constantly reassuring, despite how I was feeling, that I was happy and believed it necessary to assure others that I was fine. I did not want to "bother" others with my problems. However, eventually my mother spurred me to get back to life and not dwell on death because it was a natural part of life. At first, I resented her seemingly unreasonable demand for normalcy, but I soon began to realize that if many others in my situation had shown the strength to move on and make a difference in other's lives, I could too. It took my family's enshrouding web of comfort to save me in this time of harsh reality, and Nancy's death is one of many examples that I could heavily rely on my family and not be let down.
The expectations set by my family and my best friend's death has ignited a fiery passion for me to help others and make a difference in their lives. My whole experience in life has shown me that I want to pursue my dream of majoring in medicine and continuing to aid others to the best of my ability.
Please please help me review because I am quite nervous that my essay does not fit the prompt properly. I have had two people in my school, my current AP Literature and Composition teacher and my counselor who used to be a UC essay reader, give me two different opinions. My teacher believed that my essay did not answer the prompt accurately, and my counselor believed that it was quite strong and unique, so you could probably imagine my confusion as to who I should listen to. Thank you so much and please feel free to critique to your heart's desire! :)
The world that I come from has always been one of constant change, struggle, and triumph. During my lifetime, specifically my teenage years, my family's cultural background taught me caution regarding my personal life, and respect for everything and everyone, such as academic materials and my parents. With this respect, I am able to submit and learn from my teacher's lessons and experiences and apply it to my own life and career path. With this caution, I keep my own opinions and feelings for certain experiences, which makes me more individualistic and independent. For me, home has always been where my heart resides; and the place where I have always felt protected from the woes of the outside world. My family is like my castle that saves me from the harsh reality of life, especially death, academic stress, and friendships.
I have always been expected to be the model and example to my three younger siblings, who not only share similar tan skin and brown eyes but also mischievous personalities. Due to the large age difference between my younger siblings and me, I assumed a motherly role in their life as I laughed at their latest jokes, nursed their scraped knees, and praised their accomplishments. Due to these high standards set by my parents and myself, I have had to work ten times harder to succeed as a student, sister, daughter, and friend. Time of childish ignorance, such as the thumping of thumbs and slight vibrations from the videogame controller and sweet children's laughter late into the hot summer nights, can never be replaced and never be revived. I have always been mature and responsible, but the greatest awakening moment of my life came at the age of 12 with my best friend's (Nancy's) death.
I met Nancy in my fifth period art class, and immediately connected with her due to our common interests in poetry and science. Nancy was a beautiful girl with abnormally large, luminous brown eyes, a fair complexion, and straight black hair, who permanently sat in a wheelchair. Because Nancy was already tenuous, I didn't notice her growing weakness until one spring day, when; she collapsed in class and was rushed to the hospital. After school, I went to visit her, and was immediately struck by the strong scent of the room that purged all of my senses. I struggled to keep my choking sobs inside but I had awakened Nancy, who lay in the center of the room. She motioned me to come close and whispered "I'm sorry for not telling you" before closing her eyes for the last time. The beep came first, followed by a growing chill pervading the room. I was thankful that the moment was over, but felt helpless; I had lost my best friend and no one could do anything to help me.
In the weeks that followed, I was numb and mute, hearing the whispers and catching the sympathetic gazes from the corner of my eyes but choosing grief as my companion. During this time, my family tiptoed around me, careful not to say or do anything to upset me further because they had never seen me so lifeless before and it served as a shock to them. I was constantly reassuring, despite how I was feeling, that I was happy and believed it necessary to assure others that I was fine. I did not want to "bother" others with my problems. However, eventually my mother spurred me to get back to life and not dwell on death because it was a natural part of life. At first, I resented her seemingly unreasonable demand for normalcy, but I soon began to realize that if many others in my situation had shown the strength to move on and make a difference in other's lives, I could too. It took my family's enshrouding web of comfort to save me in this time of harsh reality, and Nancy's death is one of many examples that I could heavily rely on my family and not be let down.
The expectations set by my family and my best friend's death has ignited a fiery passion for me to help others and make a difference in their lives. My whole experience in life has shown me that I want to pursue my dream of majoring in medicine and continuing to aid others to the best of my ability.
