Undergraduate / The Unspoken Journey of an Evolving Ambition [6]

The Unspoken Journey of an Evolving Ambition...

I was always in the lowest level. What made me different from the kids in the higher-level rank? Was I really dumb'? I kept questioning myself, working out my way to see if I could be moved up another level or two. Over the years, I had brought home more than 12 honor roll certificates. My mom would gawk at them amazed and would proudly embrace me for my accomplishments, yet I felt like I couldn't do anything to put my self in that higher level, that the school acknowledged so much. I felt like I was never going to be somebody. But by my junior year, teachers had begin realize my hunger for education, my hunger to achieve beyond measures. I had moved up two levels and was now in honors classes. I finally felt like I had the ability to tackle down any and all obstacles - any and all barriers. This new attitude became apparent. . ..

Junior Year - February 2007
Deciding the topic for the junior thesis paper

1. Black panther and rebellious action in the African American communityQ

2. Hip-hop's portrayal of black stereotypes.Q

3. Definite meaning of Black MasculinityQ

4. Black Athenticity... what it really means to be black.R

This is what I need to talk about. I'm about to be a senior and my evolution starts with this paper. There is no need for a rough draft--Like Michelangelo with a paint brush staring at the ceilings of The Sistine Chapel, there is no turning back--I have to make this essay a masterpiece, and it has to come from the heart. My fingers begin to stroke the keys on the keyboard as my eyes gaze restlessly at the monitor that projects the sentence saying, "What does it really mean to be black?"

As I began to type I felt like I was morphing into someone who my teachers, my friend's, even my mother couldn't recognize. I felt like I had the power to control my life and lead it to any direction I want. I felt like I had the power to change the world. All the scars that I've received physically as well as emotionally through my seventeen years of living influenced this new attitude. In less than two hours I had completed four pages.

The next day...
I spoke to my history teacher Ms. Cooper and informed her about the topics I had in my mind. The topics were, figuratively, like dark roads in my mind. I didn't know which road to choose or where it would lead me and it did give me headaches and doubts. Ms. Cooper asked me to choose a final topic; not knowing where it would lead me I chose Black Authenticity. I waited for her response-the smile that stretched across her face gave me some sort of relief and confirmation that this road I chose could be the road I needed to take. After school, I ran straight to the library. As I browsed the shelves I was thinking about how throughout my life I had been underestimated by my friends, my parents, several teachers, and the school system in particular. Schools nowadays generate some sort of level ranking, classifying who's more intelligent than the other; feeding into the major issue that current America is facing: The Achievement Gap.

I left the library with more than 10 books. My mother always said, education is power and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way of getting that power. And this essay would be set as primary example.

June - The Essay is done.
I handed Ms. Cooper my paper with great emotion of emancipation because I felt like I had won a battle- a battle that I've been fighting for so long. A battle that many kids like me--went through but usually didn't get through. Ms. Cooper considered the paper to be the most preeminent piece of writing she's received in the ten years she's been working as a History Teacher at Columbia High. I took a moment to absorb the comment that she gave me. It felt warm and relieving like a cup of hot tea dressed with ginger and I held her comment-I held it tight towards my chest as if her words were written on the palms of my hands. It then came to me that I was finally entering my final stage of evolving. Evolving into what I considered a man. Again I took one last moment to fully absorb the comment. I closed my eyes to analyze my next step, my next stage; the new set of roads that where now placed before me. I closed my eyes and saw Michelangelo's finished work. The legend packed up all his used and unused brushes and walked out the door that framed his future. He didn't turn back; he didn't stop to think.

Jerry Morinvil

Thanks for reading. Do you guys think my title is good? what would you recommend? Did you understand how I transiton from my senior year(present;first paragraph) back in time to my junior year (past;second paragaph and on). Is there Anything I should Add that would make it perfect? This is for my number one school I need the support.