Writing Feedback / When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest [5]

The essay topic is uncertainty. I'm having second guesses about this essay like mad, so I'm hoping you could clear my conscious, or at least tell me the essay sucks :)

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The peaceful trudge of the months, every few weeks, is interrupted by a telephone ring. The Televisions at my house are mute, the conversations stop, the music goes silent, and every particle, beast, and being on this earth and above is listening to exhaustively to a phone call. My mother draws a sigh of relief, and after a long murky moment, turns around a says " all four of them have made it, all four of them have kept their jobs." My Aunt and Uncles work for Ford, which means almost every month their job is in question, and that every month that telephone call takes place, ending one month of uncertainty and signaling the beginning of another. We Americans prepare our whole life against uncertainty, planning our entire life as an adolescent. We continue to fulfill that plan, keeping life stable and predictable. Keeping life certain. I have learned that life itself is a dive into uncertainty and no matter how far you try to run away from life, it will catch up ( as what has happened to my relatives), so I have embrace uncertainty, and even though at times it is frightening and dark, at other times it is the opposite of what we advertise it to be, and brings the greatest experiences of life.

I must have been about seven years old at a time. We were at an amusement park, rides whirling all around us, arcades flashing, popcorn exploding into amazing displays of yellow. I took a wrong turn, and was lost for what seemed like hours. I never remember being more scared then when I was lost as a kid. In a strange place with no one to turn to, I was desperately uncertain. Would I ever find my parents again? Would they leave without me? All these questions seem cliched, but they were wild fears when I was that young. That is what being uncertain is like, being lost. Your plans have gone astray, you have little to hang onto, and your fears go wild. It is no wonder we try to avoid uncertainty, because it is one of the most frightening feelings we have ever felt.

But in uncertain times I have also experienced life at its best. When I can face uncertainty and prevail is when I feel the most dynamic. When I get that unexpected A on that test, or that speech I am supposed to do goes amazingly well, or get my best time at a race when I am sick. When my planning goes wrong, when nothing turns out the way I have expected it too, and I still prevail. Those are the moments which have defined me as a person. I have found that the twisting and dark world of uncertainty has built me up much more than it has torn me down.

The Televisions were turned off, the music stopped playing , and every particle, beast, and being, both on earth and above, were all listening exhaustively to a phone call. This time no sigh of relief came, no " all four of them made it, thank God" just a long silence and " Uncle Eddie lost his job, they cut his department." I often think about what it must be like after he lost his job, his way of life destroyed, and drowning in uncertainty. He probably looked at everything different, sometimes in dark despair and sometimes in great hope. We become fully alive when things don't go as planned. When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest . Sometime it is a great sadness as I have failed my goal, and sometimes it is complete joy as I have prevailed. In a way, the secure certain life we hold seems kind of dead. Comparing the predictability of certain life and the wild emotions in the times of uncertainty, is like trying to compare a piece of blue cardboard paper to an aquarium, the aquarium is more exciting every time.

Writing Feedback / Essay on empty space; I live a fast paced life [6]

prompt was two words, just two words, no explanation

empty space

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To write about something you have to experience it. Struggling to find a glimpse of a calm moment, I found it on a beach, next to a friend. So to find an empty space, I walked into my closet, threw out all the clothes, the hangers, the bags, the ripped and torn boxes, shut the door, and bathed in my own personal empty space. That was until I realized it wasn't empty. Beneath me was a stained carpet, above me a creamy white ceiling, around me shelves. If I went outside of my room, their laid the television, and my siblings laughing at a comedic program, furniture vacant beside them. Outside my house, a pair of children were playing a game of hopscotch, cars sped by, wind softly blew through a tree, sitting in front of my neighbors house. Nowhere around me was an empty space. Even if I could manage to find a completely empty space it wouldn't be empty, I would be in it. I have never experienced an empty space, not just physically, but mentally. I live a life where I'm often so busy fulfilling the demands and the expectations of other people, that I am not able to step back and enjoy life in a true empty space.

I live a fast paced life. It's a show, a show which my peers really like, it stars a loud, impulsive kid, unique in every way, and slightly ADHD. Of course I have to put on a show for my teachers, one of a respectful young man, if not slightly nonsensical, and one for my parents, they enjoy a bright individual, who is in control of his life, and knows exactly what he is doing. It seems I have spent my whole life being putting on a show for other people. To stuff my life's empty space with others and their wants, for the sole sake of being successful. Heck its exciting, its exhilarating, and its fast paced, but its so shallow.

Last week, I found myself alone in the woods, and I found it peaceful. In the woods I was able to drop my act, look at who I really was, finding a glimpse of an empty space, not filled with other people's wants. Nobody there wanted a well written essay, due that Friday ( with no missing commas and no contractions), they didn't want me to go to a good college and get a high paying job, as if any of that even matters. They didn't even want me to change how I act, They didn't care, I was of no matter to them. Alone in the woods I came as close as I have ever gotten to feeling an empty space, I knew as soon as I left all my responsibilities would be dropped back on my shoulders, but in that moment it seemed like the cluttered space of my life got a little cleared out. I have rarely felt so alive.

People like paintings, they like it when a person takes a canvas and paints a mess of colors on it, making a meaningful and beautiful picture. What I like better is a blank canvas, an empty canvas, where I can look at it and imagine the painting I want to occupy it, not to take in someone else's view, but make it my own. Empty space is a physical impossibility, but I have also made it a mental impossibility, My life is cramped up with other peoples demands, and other peoples expectations, filling my blank canvas with a dash of wild whirling colors. Maybe my parents and my teachers are right, maybe the way too be successful in life is to cram your space with people and their wants, but too write about something you have to experience it, you have to hold in your grasp, dissect it, know what it feels like. Until I reach that day, I will continue my act, my mad dash for other people, and hopefully one day I'll stumble upon an empty space, a closet with all the clothes, the hangers, the bags, the ripped and torn boxes thrown out of it, nobody to live for, except for me.