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Posts by sevbrown
Joined: Nov 25, 2012
Last Post: Nov 25, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
Likes: 1
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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sevbrown   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Occidental Supplements (Why?/Interests/Idiosyncrasy) [3]

i realllly like all of them!
the one about your current intellectual curiosities could be better though! you describe a lot about the books, which tends to get a bit dull.

also the very last one you say, "and other bands your dad listens to." i dont like the whole "you" part of it, try to fix it.

other than that i think all of them are pretty great!
id love your feedback on my essays :D you seem to have a lot of knowledge about what your'e talking about
sevbrown   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my intrinsic motivation is driving me' - Personal Statement UC 2 [3]

john115
As I taught myself and gave more attention to the material I chose for myself, I noticed to outperformed those who practiced the same amount of time as I did but only did it for the reward. I practiced piano the same way and outperformed those in my piano class that only worked for the grade. ----- i find those sentences to be a bit awkward. theres a lot of i's and myself's. and also the part where you say, "i noticed to outperformed those" is really confusing me. theres also a lot of fragment like sentences you should fix!
sevbrown   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / immigration to america (shaping my dreams and aspirations) [4]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

In a parallel universe, rugs hang on walls, cars have the right of way before people, and a person's face resembles that of the next passerby's. The principles lived by in this alternative reality involve the reinforcement of a parochial mindset in all matters including religion, discipline, and interracial relationships. Today, even though I am well over half the world away, these customs are still imposed upon me for the time that I live under the same roof as my parents.

Armenia is the place for a child to be raised under an efficient traditional system. This system is based on the expectations of the man to uphold the material needs of the family and the woman to prepare the meals in her kingdom. On the other hand, America is the prevalent land of democracy and opportunities. Luckily for me, I have had the chance to experience the best of both worlds. My fleeting three years in Armenia first introduced me to a lifestyle of daily instruction. My family's arrival to America came as a shock to all of us due to the conception of women driving cars, men tending to their kids, and the overall diversity of the people around us. There was a clear disparity between these two countries. My parents and older sisters were more affected by this unfamiliar demographic than my twin brother and I were. Even though my family was smart enough to know that they would be well off in the future if we had stayed in Armenia, they were not oblivious to the fact that there would be no future for their children. Just as Armenia was my parent's homeland, America would soon grow upon my brother and me.

I was too young and naive to understand my parent's intentions before. Now I realize that if my parents sacrificed their happiness for us and didn't complain once in the process, I owe it to them to appreciate my environment and actually make something of myself. Out of the hundreds of families hoping and praying to come to the United States, we were chosen. Because of that, it is my duty to gather every bit of information I have encountered in the fifteen years I have been here and convert that into a life my parents would be proud of. By age seventeen, I have already had the chance to maintain my own job, volunteer at an actual presidential election, coach my own basketball team, as well as sustain good grades. While these may seem trivial, I have done all that while carrying the honor of the values taught to me by my parents. Of course, there are matters that I believe my parents couldn't be more wrong in, but I take that and make myself grow into a better version of them. My native land and my homeland will continue to foster my growth in life, both through the opportunities I am presented with and the values I have been raised with.
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