Undergraduate / The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that - statement for UC [4]

The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that.
Try something different like for that, I am thankful.

I am surrounded by my family and friends and I am very lucky too. Not everyone has that.
Try to combine them so they don't sound so elementary. because not everyone has that.

They have helped me since I was born. They made a big impact on my goals, personality, and dreams.
Combine this because it sounds repetitive. Ever since I was born, they have helped me by largely impacting my goals, personality and dreams.

My family consists of six people: M y dad, my mom, my younger sister, my older brother, my younger brother, and of course me.
m y dad
and, of course, me.

They made me who I am today. They had a impact on my goals, personality, and dreams.
You already said that.

He is two years older than me so it gives me advantages to what to do and what not to do.
Reread that, think about what you want it to mean, and rewrite it.

I also might become a math teacher because to help educate students and help them take the right path in school. Since I know how it feels to be a student and I have been through what they have been through.

Do not be hesitant about your career. UC's want people who are sure of themselves.
I want to become a math teacher, because I would like to educate (High School?) students. Because I can empathize with their journey, I want to help them take the right path in school.

I'm going to be completely honest. It's a little been there, seen that. And you and your brother never fighting is unbelievable. Also, you didn't talk about HOW your brother helped shape your dreams and goals, you just said he did. I'm not trying to be mean, but you said to be harsh. Your world seems like you had a great life, you're continuing to have a great life, and you look forward to having a great life. There is no spark.