Posts by AlexMA

AlexMA

Dec 17, 2012

Undergraduate / Gradually, I found my true love: NUCLEAR SCIENCE; MIT [5]

Just a couple suggestions

Your first paragraph seems like a long list of disjointed activities which can probably be found on other parts of your application. Why not focus more on the ways your disorder hindered you in high school and how being active helped you cope with it. Your ending sentence also has no relation to anything you've written so far and nuclear science does not need to be capitalized

Ours is a small town, students usually graduated high school, and went to college which was heavily influenced by their parents

This statement does not make sense to the reader. and does not relate to social customs

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After experiencing the same ordeal, I thought "There has to a first time for everything". I wasn't going to let others' destroy my dream. "If I don't, who will" were my last words to my parents as I decided to walk down a new path

It seems more like you're antagonizing your parents rather than disagreeing with them.

never knew that I would I apply to MIT

Why? and what changed your mind.

MIT received a "perfect 10!"

Scale not implied/stated

I hope to immerse myself in MIT's innovative culture and take advantage of the UROP program.

Mention what the program is

Overall I can see your energy and enthusiasm but your essay needs work to become MIT standard

AlexMA

Dec 7, 2012

Undergraduate / Penn "Engage Academically"- Engineering (Computer Science) [10]

Your style may need a bit of focusing. Maybe you can have small paragraphs with extracurriculars in one, academics in another, volunteer service, etc. Consider what yisha said ^

If you're naming a lot of activities It seems too list-like

Despite that your essay definitely shows that you've researched the school well and have a good grasp on the role of Penn's programs in your academic future.

I'm applying to Penn too, so good luck to us both :)