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Posts by ameliam13
Joined: Nov 29, 2012
Last Post: Jan 2, 2013
Threads: 1
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From: United States of America

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ameliam13   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'The Reunion' - Common app essay [4]

Try going through and highlighting all the adjectives and adverbs, especially in the first couple of paragraphs, then see if there are places where you can express the feeling of the adjective in another way. While adjectives can be great tools, when they're used too much they can be overwhelming. Also maybe try to weave in your conclusion throughout the piece a bit more. Maybe talk about your love of creation a bit more throughout. Otherwise it's a very nice piece, good job!
ameliam13   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Williams Supplement: Looking through a Window (arthroscopic imagery) [3]

The prompt is: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Just to warn you guys, this is a very rough first draft. What do you think of the topic? Should I employ more description, scientific terminology, or ease up on either? Any suggestions are really appreciated. Thank you!

My scene is not beautiful. It is a curling mass of tissue and bone, only interrupted by fragments of ligaments cast aside in anguish, dislodged from their proper location. I would go as far as to say that my scene is gross. At least, at first glance, it may seem to be so.

As you might have guessed, my window is not one with panes or a curtain. Rather, it is a way through which the complexities and genius of the human body are observed. It is an arthroscope, the instrument used to extract images of a joint.

I received arthroscopic images of my knees after both of my surgeries to reconstruct my anterior cruciate ligaments (ACL). These images should have scared or repulsed me, as they were pictures of not only the inside of my body, but of the remains of my torn ACLs and a graphic rendition of the repair. Instead, I found myself looking through them over and over again as I recovered. I knew that my ACL had been constructed from a hamstring autograft, but only the pictures offered me insight into the ingenuity of my reconstruction. I could see the bone tunnels into which the graft had been fastened, and the dissolvable screws that held it there. The end result offered a seamless interplay between the natural and the artificial. Even with all of this innovation, the knee still behaved normally; that was incredible. I could not stop running my hand over my knee, astounded that something so amazing could exist in such a seemingly simple joint.

These images were beautiful to me. The intricacies of the human body as well as the miraculous nature of medicine sparked a new passion in me. Today, I am still fascinated by the power of modern medicine and enthralled by the possibility of future advancements, and I cannot wait to be a part of them.
ameliam13   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Moving to Cambridge; people were different' - common app [8]

Just make sure the tense you use is consistent throughout. There are a lot of instances where you use the present "have" and the past "had" in the same sentence which makes the timeline of the story a bit confusing.

Otherwise it's a good essay!
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