Courtney1205
Nov 30, 2012
Undergraduate / The world you come from; opportunity to raise a child with an intellectual disability [4]
Overall it reads very well, however you need to read through it a couple of times as there are some words missing. It's interesting, engaging and keep the reader wanting to read on.. exactly what you need of a personal statement.
On the last line you need something hard hitting and which also ties the piece together.. Maybe something along the lines of 'I believe that with effort, determination and commitment I will achieve everything I want and desire in life' ( just an example) I'm sure you can come up with something better than my example though! You've done a great job with the rest of it.
Overall it reads very well, however you need to read through it a couple of times as there are some words missing. It's interesting, engaging and keep the reader wanting to read on.. exactly what you need of a personal statement.
On the last line you need something hard hitting and which also ties the piece together.. Maybe something along the lines of 'I believe that with effort, determination and commitment I will achieve everything I want and desire in life' ( just an example) I'm sure you can come up with something better than my example though! You've done a great job with the rest of it.
