Undergraduate / "Explain how you responded to a significant challenge" UBC Application; amount of EFFORT [4]

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)

A significant challenge I have encountered would be applying to become a manager at my school's store. In order to become a manager, you must submit a resume, a cover letter, and go through an interview with the store's supervisor. There were approximately forty applicants competing for the position and the supervisor told us that only a maximum of ten students would be selected. It was a harsh competition that allowed only twenty-five percent of the applicants to potentially succeed. I approached this challenge calmly as I knew that being stressed would not help. I started researching the most-used interview questions and how to answer them. When it was finally my turn to be interviewed, I was prepared to answer many questions. After the interview was over, the supervisor told me that I had a good chance to become a manager next year and he shook my hand. Several months later, the supervisor announced the managers that were chosen to work at the store the following year and it appears that my name was called. I learned that success is greatly reflected on the amount of effort one inputs and not dependent on one's intelligence.

Please help me edit my mini-essay and give me some advice for improvement.

Thank you.