Undergraduate / Inside the Mind of A Chessplayer - Common App EC description, need outside opinion [4]

It's my turn. With less than two minutes on the clock, my heartbeat is louder than my thoughts. Time pressure makes me question the accuracy of my calculations. I've had similar positions, but never the exact same. No time-I make a move, press the clock, relying on my instinct and pattern recognition. Now his time is ticking, my opponent replies instantly with a move I didn't expect. There was a reason it eluded my calculation, it wasn't one of the best responses. I gain the initiative, and increase the pressure on his newly created weakness. Move by move, I build up a significant advantage. He shakes my hand, resigning. Contrary to popular belief, chess etiquette prevents him from playing until checkmate.

This is the first part of my extra curricular description. I already asked for some proof reads, but my chess playing friends said non players would not understand terms like initiative, pressure, instinct, pattern recognition etc. Or, at least not in the same way, or it would be too boring. I'd appreciate any input, I'm open to starting from scratch again. Thanks.