Undergraduate / Staying in the Light; Princeton Supp; favorite quotation from an essay [2]

I'm well below the max words so please be brutal and help in any way possible. I really need help with the ending and I'm afraid all of this is kinda cliche. Is there any way or anything I can add to make it less cliche and more personal?

Princeton- 500 words
Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay.

In his book Unwind, Neal Shusterman writes: "...One thing you learn when you've lived as long as I have- people aren't all good, and people aren't all bad. We move in and out of darkness and light all of our lives." We encounter those in the dark every day, even if we ourselves are in the light. It is important to stay in the light and not cross over to the dark side.

(Eyes watching. Feet moving. Heart racing.) I was playing well in a tennis tournament this fall. I only had one opponent left between me and the finals. It was a long match, made difficult by the heat and the scorching sun. My opponent and I were equal in strength and skill, but there was one major difference in our playing styles: she would call the ball out if it bounced on the line- a violation of the rules.

I love playing tennis. I have become a persistent, analytical thinker able to overcome various obstacles that have allowed me to become a resourceful and versatile player. But I am always disheartened when I observe cheating. With a sport where there are not any referees, there are many opportunities to cheat, but I always play with integrity, even when my opponent does not. I varied the depth, height, spin, and speed of my shots, and won a set. I did everything legally possible to try to win, but in the end I lost the match. I was a little frustrated, not because I lost, but because it isn't fun playing in a dirty game. Nonetheless, I shook her hand and lost with dignity.

Afterwards, my teammates congratulated me on playing a great, clean game, even though my opponent did not. Some said I should have stooped to her level, but all agreed that I played well. It was a lesson well learned, and I am glad to say that when the need came, I stayed in the light.

Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon Supplement- Biology [2]

Carnegie Mellon

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Having options has always been important to me. When going out for ice cream, I do not always want chocolate or vanilla. Both are interesting, but I also love strawberry, and sometimes I am in the mood for mint. I have many interests, in both the arts and the sciences, and I believe that at Carnegie Mellon I will not have to sacrifice any of them.

For my fifth birthday, my parents gave me a book filled with neat experiments from making ice sink to exploding a baking soda volcano. One required lighting a candle. I singed a few of my hairs, but I loved executing the various experiments. I knew I wanted to study science. With the ability to adapt, organisms are very complex and it is both humbling and inspiring to look at the metabolic pathways in a cell and see how they mindlessly lead to life. I believe that at Mellon I will be able to explore and expand my passion for the subject because there are many opportunities to excel, such as being involved in research and getting to work alongside faculty to discover new findings. I wish to help break the boundaries of science and be involved with research to advance the field of the biological sciences.

Carnegie Mellon is in the center of Pittsburg. With so many opportunities, it is the perfect place for an adventurous small town girl like myself to thrive and prosper. This past summer, I lived at Carnegie Mellon for six weeks when I was accepted into Carnegie Mellon's Pre-College National High School Game Academy on a full scholarship. I had a fantastic time creating video games, but what made it the best summer by far were all the people I met and the friends I made. We spent much of our free time near the "Walking to the Sky Sculpture". Sometimes we played Frisbee, sometimes we pretended to be statues ourselves and surprise passersby. During this time I fell in love with Pittsburgh, Carnegie Mellon, and its people.

The idea of combining interests that are far apart on the spectrum has always appealed to me. I have played the violin and piano since I was young and I have always loved drawing and painting, though this year is the first art course I have taken in high school. I know that Carnegie Mellon has a great collaboration program between the various schools within the university. I value this sense of community, which also gives great insight into other programs on campus, both academically and socially. A sense of community also pushes students to learn to work together and I know I'll enjoy an interdisciplinary and collaborative environment that Carnegie Mellon provides.

In addition, I am a very active person and a part of nearly ten extracurriculars at my high school. Carnegie Mellon offers a variety of different clubs and sports. I was excited to see that there was tennis as well. (Does it do me any good to put this in the previous paragraph?)

With Carnegie Mellon's stellar academic system and many options of courses, I believe I will not have to sacrifice any of my interests. It is an exceptional university that offers variety of experiences where I will be able to explore my passion for science with its exceptional academics while continuing to pursue my diverse interests.