Posts by TAMEN

TAMEN

Dec 26, 2012

Undergraduate / "Running towards the goal with Football at my feet; MIT supplement essay; Pleasure [3]

Thanks for the comment. I will drop the two exclamations. But they don't take up space as words right?

I am not sure about the last sentence, any way it can be improved?

TAMEN

Dec 25, 2012

Undergraduate / "Running towards the goal with Football at my feet; MIT supplement essay; Pleasure [3]

Hi,

I am filling my MIT pleasure supp and I came up with the following.
(I enjoy playing football/soccer)

"We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words of fewer)"

'Running towards the goal with the ball at my feet, I dribble two players, play a shot and it's a goal!!! Yes! I have done it; securing a crucial win for my team'. As the skipper, I have the responsibility of leading my team to victory. My team mates look up to me for directions, inspiration and this instills in me a sense of leadership. Part of being the captain is to control the team and bear the burden when the team loses, but the joy of winning the game is an 'out of this world' experience.

(97 words)
Please criticize and help to improve the essay.

TAMEN

Dec 25, 2012

Undergraduate / Playing table tennis/ soccer: Activity for pleasure/ MIT question [4]

The essays is not showing enough of you and how an activity brings you pleasure. 100 words is not enough to explain multiple activities so stick to one and show how it is pleasurable. Taking table tennis for example, 'show, don't tell' how the game is wonderful and thrilling to play.

Hope this helps.