Posts by Smiley1

Smiley1

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Thriving in a competitive marching band; Stanford - Intellectual Essay [6]

I am willing to spend obscene hours to accomplish a goal, I will set meaningful goals, and I will forge on after set backs. In my leisure time, I watched a two hour debate, led by Neil Degrasse Tyson, a famous astrophysicist, on string theory. The complexity of their jargon astounded me and I quickly gained interest in the field and wanted to be a part of innovations, discoveries, and science. Tyson talked about how science can inspire an entire nation, about how when Neil Armstrong took his first step on the moon, people were proud to be an American. I feel that with my talent in science and math, my work ethic gained from the band, and my passion to aid in the next innovation that inspires millions of people again, I can make something big happen.

--> The red highlighted part is unnecessary. The words FEEL weakens ur concluding sentence. Take it off and START the sentence from With my talent because it makes the sentence more cleaner and stronger. U should also expand on how it influenced ur intellectual development (use compare and contrast)... that is, how u were BEFORE and how that experience has changed ur work ethic and r thinking NOW.

Smiley1

Dec 26, 2012

Undergraduate / Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! - Stanford Supp/ Roommate [10]

Thanks for the sharp eye :) I didn't catch those little mistakes- they always try to find their way through huh?

Smiley1

Dec 26, 2012

Undergraduate / Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! - Stanford Supp/ Roommate [10]

I know, it is hard to write since you have to create an audience (either someone who is totally opposite, or similar to you) in your head.

Smiley1

Dec 26, 2012

Undergraduate / Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! - Stanford Supp/ Roommate [10]

Prompt: Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate- and us- know you better
This is just a rough draft and free writing. Also, I couldn't decide on which bullet points to elaborate on. So feel free to be as critical as possible bcuz it would be very much appreciated.

Dear roommate,
Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! I'm so excited and a little nervous to venture into this journey as roomies but I know we will end up be such great friends.

To start off, here are few things you should know about me:
1. I love to sing. So if you see one or two things broken, you definitely know what I've been up to (Just kidding, I'm not that bad of a singer). I enjoy music and I hope you do as well because I'm looking forward to several karaoke sessions with you.

2. I have the tendency to break into some Chris brown moves or practice my spins once in a while. And since I am not a very good dancer, I get hurt a lot because I always bump into the wall (Don't laugh...well okay you can I guess)

3. I a huge fan of healthy living (I'm not some healthy freak). As a Nigerian girl, I was raised in the kitchen (not literally) which has a huge influence on why cooking is one of my favorite hobbies. However, I am a believer for healthy eating and throw in veggies when cooking. In addition, I was raised to living healthy as well. Yes, I know, it means exercise. You will catch me taking a jog either in the mornings or evenings and trust me I'll drag you along (it's not going to be a 10 miles jog or anything crazy like that, just a few blocks jog).

4. I am very neat and organized...most of the time and I'm a fashionista. I love dressing up and I follow the rule "classy and modest not trashy".

5. I'm not a fan of cussing or nasty behaviors. I am believe in respect for oneself and for others, so don't worry-I am not a diva or a drama queen. I love peace and am a peacemaker and in cases when we disagree or argue, we will talk things out right away.

6. Most importantly, I am very diligent in my studies and hope we will help each other out in our academics and have our own study time if we share a class together as well. Since I take my academics very seriously I tend to have a mom like behavior when it come to that (I'll drag you out of bed if you have a test and you haven't studies and make sure you get up early to go to class)