gann
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
BUMP!! It's really urgent !! Any help please?????
BUMP!! It's really urgent !! Any help please?????
gann
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
Any help? Please!! It's now really urgent T_T. I'm not so sure about my grammar.
Any help? Please!! It's now really urgent T_T. I'm not so sure about my grammar.
gann
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
PLEASE HELP ME!! I WOULD SUBMIT THE APPLICATION TODAY!!!
PLEASE HELP ME!! I WOULD SUBMIT THE APPLICATION TODAY!!!
gann
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
Thanks so much for your comment mela3. I corrected the mistakes and cut down the second paragraph since I think it rather serves no purpose.
Here is my essay rewroted, sorry for any inconvenience to put essay in my comment, but I think it would be much easier for others to help me compare the two versions of my essay.
Please take a look and tell me which version of essay I should submit to the college! Thanks a lot for any help!
Canceling anger
Welcoming customers, selling and wrapping gifts has become my favorite daily tasks since my mom's souvenir shop was opened. Doing them proficiently, I am now considered as a helpful little salesclerk and there might not be many people know how I played the role of a seller when I was only ten. I chuckle to myself everytime the image of a ten-year-old girl making face with her customers springs to my mind.
The story dates back to seven years ago, when the shop had just been opened. I did not know how to professionally behave towards curious and fastidious customers. Indeed, except from some people who were decisive and polite, most of customers in my town were hard to please. Their decisions of choosing a gift usually took long time. Sometimes, I truly felt provoked when some of them asked thousands of questions about our products but finally left our shop without buying anything. Whenever it was beyond my bearing, I would always behave rudely and answer curtly.
May be I would still keep such a manner long if an sudden incident did not come. Once, I came to a large grocery store to buy some kinds of spice for lunch and as normally, there was a disorderly crowd surrounding a busy sellor. Being immersed in the stifling atmotsphere, I tried my best to wedge myself into the crowded: "Lady, I need five hundred grams of sugar and a bottle of fish sauce, please!". Surprisingly, she shouted at me: "Wait a darn sec! Waiting does not cause your death!". I gazed for a while, felt deeply wounded and without hesitation, I moved to another store.
"That gesture is unacceptable for a seller", I thought. But at that moment, an image immediately showed in my mind: it was myself roughly treating a customer. For a long time I haven't been different to that seller, I was usually indecent and impatient. Is that expressing discomfort and anger to customer brings no benefit but detraction of sellers and discontent among customers? I seemed to see that fact. What is the mission of a seller? To judge their customers? No, it is definitely to sell goods. I knew this because I left when the seller of the grocery store tended to be rude. My customers might possibly did that since I behaved impolitely. Right, it would be better to make a change then.
Gradually, I tried to stand in customers' shoes, understand what it is they wanted, then go out and attempt to persuade them. Whenever I focus on convincing customers to purchase goods with high expectation, naturally I am no longer critical of their behavior. Thus, my feelings get better. One day, I spent more than half an hour trying to convince a woman to buy a teddy bear for her 1 year-old son. At first, she insisted that boy playing teddy bear was just effeminate. Then, she continuously spoke scornfully of other souvenirs. Hiding my feelings to avoid conflicts, I told her such a type of toy was not only much safer but also less violent in comparison with plastic truck or superman. Hesitating for a while, she owed to my convince in the last minute and agreed to purchase. My happiness was shed around. I knew I had won struggling with myself, my feeling, my thoughts, for the first time I could manage what I planned to express.
I realize that this new manner worked well at most of the situations at school and other society engagements as a consequence. Others' provocation started to lose its power to arouse my concern. It is simply because I know those snide remarks and attitude are not something which is strong enough to destroy my will and my goal.
Thanks so much for your comment mela3. I corrected the mistakes and cut down the second paragraph since I think it rather serves no purpose.
Here is my essay rewroted, sorry for any inconvenience to put essay in my comment, but I think it would be much easier for others to help me compare the two versions of my essay.
Please take a look and tell me which version of essay I should submit to the college! Thanks a lot for any help!
Canceling anger
Welcoming customers, selling and wrapping gifts has become my favorite daily tasks since my mom's souvenir shop was opened. Doing them proficiently, I am now considered as a helpful little salesclerk and there might not be many people know how I played the role of a seller when I was only ten. I chuckle to myself everytime the image of a ten-year-old girl making face with her customers springs to my mind.
The story dates back to seven years ago, when the shop had just been opened. I did not know how to professionally behave towards curious and fastidious customers. Indeed, except from some people who were decisive and polite, most of customers in my town were hard to please. Their decisions of choosing a gift usually took long time. Sometimes, I truly felt provoked when some of them asked thousands of questions about our products but finally left our shop without buying anything. Whenever it was beyond my bearing, I would always behave rudely and answer curtly.
May be I would still keep such a manner long if an sudden incident did not come. Once, I came to a large grocery store to buy some kinds of spice for lunch and as normally, there was a disorderly crowd surrounding a busy sellor. Being immersed in the stifling atmotsphere, I tried my best to wedge myself into the crowded: "Lady, I need five hundred grams of sugar and a bottle of fish sauce, please!". Surprisingly, she shouted at me: "Wait a darn sec! Waiting does not cause your death!". I gazed for a while, felt deeply wounded and without hesitation, I moved to another store.
"That gesture is unacceptable for a seller", I thought. But at that moment, an image immediately showed in my mind: it was myself roughly treating a customer. For a long time I haven't been different to that seller, I was usually indecent and impatient. Is that expressing discomfort and anger to customer brings no benefit but detraction of sellers and discontent among customers? I seemed to see that fact. What is the mission of a seller? To judge their customers? No, it is definitely to sell goods. I knew this because I left when the seller of the grocery store tended to be rude. My customers might possibly did that since I behaved impolitely. Right, it would be better to make a change then.
Gradually, I tried to stand in customers' shoes, understand what it is they wanted, then go out and attempt to persuade them. Whenever I focus on convincing customers to purchase goods with high expectation, naturally I am no longer critical of their behavior. Thus, my feelings get better. One day, I spent more than half an hour trying to convince a woman to buy a teddy bear for her 1 year-old son. At first, she insisted that boy playing teddy bear was just effeminate. Then, she continuously spoke scornfully of other souvenirs. Hiding my feelings to avoid conflicts, I told her such a type of toy was not only much safer but also less violent in comparison with plastic truck or superman. Hesitating for a while, she owed to my convince in the last minute and agreed to purchase. My happiness was shed around. I knew I had won struggling with myself, my feeling, my thoughts, for the first time I could manage what I planned to express.
I realize that this new manner worked well at most of the situations at school and other society engagements as a consequence. Others' provocation started to lose its power to arouse my concern. It is simply because I know those snide remarks and attitude are not something which is strong enough to destroy my will and my goal.
gann
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
Thank you so much! Your comments are really helpful for me. I would carefully reconsider the mistakes.
Could you please tell me if my idea of reason which helps changing my manner was convincing enough? The fourth paragraph is about that. I now come up with a new idea which is about once I was in the situation of being a customer, then I was treated rudely, just like my customers. That was really uncomfortable and made a big change in my thought. I don't know if this one is better than my old one.
Though deadline is Jan 01, it's urgent, I'd like to try my best to provide best idea. Please help me! Thanks a lot!
Thank you so much! Your comments are really helpful for me. I would carefully reconsider the mistakes.
Could you please tell me if my idea of reason which helps changing my manner was convincing enough? The fourth paragraph is about that. I now come up with a new idea which is about once I was in the situation of being a customer, then I was treated rudely, just like my customers. That was really uncomfortable and made a big change in my thought. I don't know if this one is better than my old one.
Though deadline is Jan 01, it's urgent, I'd like to try my best to provide best idea. Please help me! Thanks a lot!
gann
Dec 28, 2012
gann
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App. [9]
Please leave me some comments. Thank you so much!
Canceling anger
My childhood was not free of getting around watching TV all day or playing toys as that of children of the same generation in my neighborhood. Since I was ten, apart from studying at school, my duty at home has been to become a little salesclerk at my mom's souvenir shop. That's when I learnt how to conduct myself, how to get good feelings despite the annoyance.
I have been working in a souvenir shop for teenagers so I myself was naturally attracted by the beautiful items. Surroundings of striking ribbons, king-sized teddy bear and colorful birthday decorations really made me feel pleased to do my daily tasks as being a little salesclerk: welcoming customers, selling and wrapping gifts.
When the shop had just been opened, I really did not know how to professionally behave towards curious and fastidious customers. Indeed, except from some people who were decisive and polite, most of customers in my town were hard to please. Their decisions of choosing a gift usually took long time. I truly felt provoked when they asked thousands of questions about our products but finally left our shop without buying anything. They must have been kidding me! For so long, I had not been able to manage my feeling whenever a customer meant to cause offence or be too demanding. Whenever it was beyond my bearing, I would behave rudely and answer curtly. In the end, the case would concluded with my intense stare at the nape of those who had just left, right, without buying anything.
It was not too hard for my mother to recognize her daughter's discomfort then we had a few heart-to-heart talks. She told me that our purpose was to sell goods, not to judge people, and I should have focused on covincing purchasers to buy goods rather than being bothered but could sale nothing. That's when we lost in doing business. I reluctantly accepted that changing my manner was necessary. However, restraining stemper was hard and being calm needed process of practice.
I tried gradually to stand in customer's shoes so that I could understand what they wanted, then step by step carried my points to persuade them. One day, I spent more than half an hour trying to convince a woman to buy a teddy bear for her 1 year old son. At first, she insisted that boy playing teddy bear was just effeminate. Then, she continuously spoke scornfully of other souvenirs. Hiding my feelings to avoid conflicts, I told her such a type of toy was not only much safer but also less violent in comparison with plastic truck or superman. Hesitating for a while, she owed to my convince in the last minute and agreed to purchase. My happiness was shed around. I knew I had won struggling with myself, my feeling, my thoughts, for the first time I could manage what I planned to do.
When I focus on convincing customers to purchase goods with a high expectation, I am no longer critical of their behavior, perhaps since I don't have time to think about it. Thus, my feelings get better. I realize that this new manner worked well at most of the situations at school as well as other society engagements like friendship or relationships with acquaintances. It seemed like provocation started to lose its power to arouse my concern. It is simply because those snide remarks and attitude are not something can destroy my will and my goal.
Please leave me some comments. Thank you so much!
Canceling anger
My childhood was not free of getting around watching TV all day or playing toys as that of children of the same generation in my neighborhood. Since I was ten, apart from studying at school, my duty at home has been to become a little salesclerk at my mom's souvenir shop. That's when I learnt how to conduct myself, how to get good feelings despite the annoyance.
I have been working in a souvenir shop for teenagers so I myself was naturally attracted by the beautiful items. Surroundings of striking ribbons, king-sized teddy bear and colorful birthday decorations really made me feel pleased to do my daily tasks as being a little salesclerk: welcoming customers, selling and wrapping gifts.
When the shop had just been opened, I really did not know how to professionally behave towards curious and fastidious customers. Indeed, except from some people who were decisive and polite, most of customers in my town were hard to please. Their decisions of choosing a gift usually took long time. I truly felt provoked when they asked thousands of questions about our products but finally left our shop without buying anything. They must have been kidding me! For so long, I had not been able to manage my feeling whenever a customer meant to cause offence or be too demanding. Whenever it was beyond my bearing, I would behave rudely and answer curtly. In the end, the case would concluded with my intense stare at the nape of those who had just left, right, without buying anything.
It was not too hard for my mother to recognize her daughter's discomfort then we had a few heart-to-heart talks. She told me that our purpose was to sell goods, not to judge people, and I should have focused on covincing purchasers to buy goods rather than being bothered but could sale nothing. That's when we lost in doing business. I reluctantly accepted that changing my manner was necessary. However, restraining stemper was hard and being calm needed process of practice.
I tried gradually to stand in customer's shoes so that I could understand what they wanted, then step by step carried my points to persuade them. One day, I spent more than half an hour trying to convince a woman to buy a teddy bear for her 1 year old son. At first, she insisted that boy playing teddy bear was just effeminate. Then, she continuously spoke scornfully of other souvenirs. Hiding my feelings to avoid conflicts, I told her such a type of toy was not only much safer but also less violent in comparison with plastic truck or superman. Hesitating for a while, she owed to my convince in the last minute and agreed to purchase. My happiness was shed around. I knew I had won struggling with myself, my feeling, my thoughts, for the first time I could manage what I planned to do.
When I focus on convincing customers to purchase goods with a high expectation, I am no longer critical of their behavior, perhaps since I don't have time to think about it. Thus, my feelings get better. I realize that this new manner worked well at most of the situations at school as well as other society engagements like friendship or relationships with acquaintances. It seemed like provocation started to lose its power to arouse my concern. It is simply because those snide remarks and attitude are not something can destroy my will and my goal.