Posts by sofiadlo

sofiadlo

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Family- Strandford: What matters to you? [4]

Thank you for your help! I read your essay and I think it flows nicely. Most of the needed changes have already been made. The thread was closed and I was unable to comment, but I would go back and make sure your tenses match up, especially in this paragraph and reword the second part of the first sentence to make it more clear. Ex. "Despite our close age, growing up...practically opposites."

Growing up, my brother, Andy, and I were practically polar opposites, surprising everyone given our close age to each other. One of the greatest differences between us was our different approaches to studying. I obsessively tried to cram every piece of information into my brain, no matter how important it may be.

Other, than that it is great. I would also maybe state what your brother taught you in your last paragraph.

sofiadlo

Dec 28, 2012

Speeches / Advice on the format of a speech [2]

I would make the idea as simple as possible. Speeches are about getting a message to your audience, so rather than writing about what you are going to say, write the message that you are trying to get to your audience and then make a reference to how you are going to get your point across.

sofiadlo

Dec 28, 2012

Undergraduate / Family- Strandford: What matters to you? [4]

Could you please give me feedback on my essay and fix any errors. Thank you!

What matters to you, and why?

A few years ago my grandmother's health deteriorated after my grandfather died unexpectedly in his sleep. My grandmother had given up on life after she lost her husband of sixty years. She did not want to be a burden to her kids who were married and had children of their own. However, she did not know that we would go to the ends of the earth to help her and support her. One morning my uncle called to say that my grandmother was very ill and did not have much time left to live, so my family and I drove to Mexico to say our last goodbye. My grandmother had always been a strong, independent, and energetic woman. I was speechless and deeply saddened when I saw her lying in her bed so frail and powerless. I had been warned that she may not be able to remember who I was, but when my family walked into the room her face magically lit up. She was unable to communicate, but she didn't have to; her weak smile and bright eyes said everything she needed to. I spent every possible moment by her side talking to her, feeding her, and holding her hand. I was glad to be there and make the life of the woman who built our family a little bit happier. After our visit, my grandmother's health improved dramatically. I was astounded by what our help and our love had done for her health. Our presence helped her realize that she was not alone and that she was loved. She taught me that when I am old, sick, speechless, and unable to remember my family they will undoubtedly be there to comfort me. Family matters to me because through the years my family and I have shared love, joy, tears, fun, but above all we have taken care of each other.