higuise
Dec 31, 2012
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Footprints on the Sand, and a Tree; Lehigh/ Unique aspect of Leigh [4]
I have NO idea if you can use a poem in your essay. teacherweb/MA/SharonHighSchool/Heller/hndpoetry.htm.html this website helped me when I was writing my essay on a poem.
I really like your simile, "Lehigh is like a tree." It draws a picture of Lehigh's education (and helps people understand Lehigh's assets even if they don't know anything about Lehigh), but I think you should elaborate on what the roots are and what branches that reach the sky are. I also think you should elaborate on Lehigh's "depth in education" because there isn't that much about it.
I think you can draw a parallel with you helping the community and a tree, since trees help communities by providing oxygen, and possibly fruits. But this is only a suggestion, and most likely requires more elaboration, but we are short on time right now.
I also think you should try to make the one unique aspect about Lehigh stand out from the rest of your essay (I believe the unique aspect of your essay was its connections and depth in education).
By the way, take my response with a grain of salt because I don't know what Lehigh wants, and I'm not the best in English.
Best of luck! Hope I helped!
I have NO idea if you can use a poem in your essay. teacherweb/MA/SharonHighSchool/Heller/hndpoetry.htm.html this website helped me when I was writing my essay on a poem.
I really like your simile, "Lehigh is like a tree." It draws a picture of Lehigh's education (and helps people understand Lehigh's assets even if they don't know anything about Lehigh), but I think you should elaborate on what the roots are and what branches that reach the sky are. I also think you should elaborate on Lehigh's "depth in education" because there isn't that much about it.
I think you can draw a parallel with you helping the community and a tree, since trees help communities by providing oxygen, and possibly fruits. But this is only a suggestion, and most likely requires more elaboration, but we are short on time right now.
I also think you should try to make the one unique aspect about Lehigh stand out from the rest of your essay (I believe the unique aspect of your essay was its connections and depth in education).
By the way, take my response with a grain of salt because I don't know what Lehigh wants, and I'm not the best in English.
Best of luck! Hope I helped!
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Helping students to become successful in life; Lehigh / values and priorities [3]
Thank you so much!
I saw your topic, but I didn't click on it because I was intimidated if other people's essays were better than mine. I'll look at your essay right now.
Good luck to you in the admissions process, as well!
Thank you so much!
I saw your topic, but I didn't click on it because I was intimidated if other people's essays were better than mine. I'll look at your essay right now.
Good luck to you in the admissions process, as well!
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Helping students to become successful in life; Lehigh / values and priorities [3]
2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why? 150-250 words
If I founded my own college, I would make a course about Diversity and Inclusion part of the curriculum for all students. It would work as a seminar where students learn about the way words and simple gestures can affect the people around them. After learning about the way their actions can affect others, students will speak to each other and reflect on how their words and gestures made each other feel because one may say something and inadvertently hurt another's feelings. I believe this is very important because it will help students to think before they act to avoid hurting someone else's feelings; this can even be handy when students go on to job interviews as they will be able to understand what not to do, thus helping them perform better in the interview and possibly get the job.
The values and priorities of my college would be based around helping students to become successful in life. I believe that being successful in life will allow people to be happy, however being successful is not limited to having a lavish job. It is also about being an all-around nice person because being nice to someone could make their day, and bring the same happiness as having a great job to both everyone. The Diversity and Inclusion seminar will teach students about the effects of their actions and to think before they act, and, ultimately, allow them to be successful and happy in their lives.
Any feedback is welcome, thanks!
2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why? 150-250 words
If I founded my own college, I would make a course about Diversity and Inclusion part of the curriculum for all students. It would work as a seminar where students learn about the way words and simple gestures can affect the people around them. After learning about the way their actions can affect others, students will speak to each other and reflect on how their words and gestures made each other feel because one may say something and inadvertently hurt another's feelings. I believe this is very important because it will help students to think before they act to avoid hurting someone else's feelings; this can even be handy when students go on to job interviews as they will be able to understand what not to do, thus helping them perform better in the interview and possibly get the job.
The values and priorities of my college would be based around helping students to become successful in life. I believe that being successful in life will allow people to be happy, however being successful is not limited to having a lavish job. It is also about being an all-around nice person because being nice to someone could make their day, and bring the same happiness as having a great job to both everyone. The Diversity and Inclusion seminar will teach students about the effects of their actions and to think before they act, and, ultimately, allow them to be successful and happy in their lives.
Any feedback is welcome, thanks!
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / My Family was in huge debt; Common App [2]
Which prompt did you choose?
I find it weird that you never replied to your peers' cajoling because you were "strong enough to bear every humiliation", but then at the end you finally replied, which makes it seem like you became weaker. Of course, I'm not trying to belittle you because if I were you I would have retaliated years ago, but by saying you were strong by not replying, and then ending with your rejoinder somewhat seems to take away from your point (which I believe is somewhat about going through difficult hardships and how it made you strong).
"Not once did I reply back or made an effort to." This also stood out to me because you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. That sentence made me ask, "What did he not make an effort to do?"
"My mother used to say, (comma) 'Do not despair...'"
"Secretly, I was waiting that day- the day of the fight , the day of freedom." I think it would sound better if you said "Secretly, I was waiting for the day of the fight, the day of freedom" or "Secretly, I was awaiting the day of the fight, the day of freedom."
I did like the beginning when you described your clothes and backpack; it kind of painted a picture of what you looked like to your peers.
However, take my response with a grain of salt because I am not the best at English, nor do I know what EXACTLY a college wants. I also don't know your prompt... Hope this helps!
Which prompt did you choose?
I find it weird that you never replied to your peers' cajoling because you were "strong enough to bear every humiliation", but then at the end you finally replied, which makes it seem like you became weaker. Of course, I'm not trying to belittle you because if I were you I would have retaliated years ago, but by saying you were strong by not replying, and then ending with your rejoinder somewhat seems to take away from your point (which I believe is somewhat about going through difficult hardships and how it made you strong).
"Not once did I reply back or made an effort to." This also stood out to me because you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. That sentence made me ask, "What did he not make an effort to do?"
"My mother used to say, (comma) 'Do not despair...'"
"Secretly, I was waiting that day- the day of the fight , the day of freedom." I think it would sound better if you said "Secretly, I was waiting for the day of the fight, the day of freedom" or "Secretly, I was awaiting the day of the fight, the day of freedom."
I did like the beginning when you described your clothes and backpack; it kind of painted a picture of what you looked like to your peers.
However, take my response with a grain of salt because I am not the best at English, nor do I know what EXACTLY a college wants. I also don't know your prompt... Hope this helps!
higuise
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / IDEAS and IBE programs - Why Lehigh? [4]
What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)
What interests me about Lehigh University is its drive to help its students succeed through the utilization of its vast resources. Lehigh University has its IDEAS and IBE programs to help engineering students explore and study all of their interests, even if the interest areas are in different colleges, and are unrelated. Lehigh also has a vast network of career resources to help its students find internships to further their knowledge in the field of study by applying what they have learned at Lehigh University into the real world. After students complete their course(s) of study at Lehigh University, Lehigh uses its resources to help its students find career related opportunities, which is shown by 96% of its graduates finding career related opportunities. Lehigh also offers some students to stay an extra year after they finish their undergraduate degrees to obtain a master's degree and further knowledge, so they can become more successful. Lehigh, being a mainly undergraduate research school, offers many research opportunities for its undergraduate students, so they can obtain even more knowledge about their course of study, and later helping them become more successful in life. In short, Lehigh University's drive to help its students succeed during and after their time at Lehigh-which is shown through the IDEAS and IBE programs, the resources it has to help students find internships and jobs, and its vast research opportunities- is what interests me to study at Lehigh University.
Any feedback is welcome, thanks!
What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)
What interests me about Lehigh University is its drive to help its students succeed through the utilization of its vast resources. Lehigh University has its IDEAS and IBE programs to help engineering students explore and study all of their interests, even if the interest areas are in different colleges, and are unrelated. Lehigh also has a vast network of career resources to help its students find internships to further their knowledge in the field of study by applying what they have learned at Lehigh University into the real world. After students complete their course(s) of study at Lehigh University, Lehigh uses its resources to help its students find career related opportunities, which is shown by 96% of its graduates finding career related opportunities. Lehigh also offers some students to stay an extra year after they finish their undergraduate degrees to obtain a master's degree and further knowledge, so they can become more successful. Lehigh, being a mainly undergraduate research school, offers many research opportunities for its undergraduate students, so they can obtain even more knowledge about their course of study, and later helping them become more successful in life. In short, Lehigh University's drive to help its students succeed during and after their time at Lehigh-which is shown through the IDEAS and IBE programs, the resources it has to help students find internships and jobs, and its vast research opportunities- is what interests me to study at Lehigh University.
Any feedback is welcome, thanks!
higuise
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Don't be creeped out; STANFORD COMMON APP. ROOMIE ESSAY [9]
Well if you say "what's mine is yours" then you allow your roommate to take anything of yours and there wouldn't be anything left over. I think it's a weird sentence, so you can try omitting it and see how it sounds. What does everyone else think?
Well if you say "what's mine is yours" then you allow your roommate to take anything of yours and there wouldn't be anything left over. I think it's a weird sentence, so you can try omitting it and see how it sounds. What does everyone else think?
higuise
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Connecticut College / Firewood - Meaningful place, Supp / Why Conncoll? [8]
The first essay is a little odd because you seem to say that by attending Connecticut College, you have lived your whole life, which is odd because you would most likely be there for 4 years and you are there when you're young. I'm also not sure how what you liked about the Conncoll allows you to live all your life. I dunno, just me.
There are also some grammatical errors.
In the second essay, "feeling smoke stinging my eyes and heat burning my vulnerable face" seems out of place because this gives a negative connotation when you're supposed to be describing something positive (maybe you like feeling smoke stinging your eyes and heat burning your face, but if you do, then I think you should make that clear). Also, I don't think that inattentionally is a word, and I googled it too. I kind of know what you mean, but I can't think of the word right now.
"expecting an unexpected reaction" is a little weird for me, and I had to read it a couple times to understand what you were trying to say...
The last paragraph is weird too, especially the first sentence. What is your "place"? Is it the garden corner? I didn't think it was your garden corner since it seems like you're alone in your corner. What is a decided trend? Is it baking banh chung? Why would it be a decided trend? I don't think you should mention that, at the end, you should mention having a garden corner for college essays because it seems like you're trying to set up their life to get into college. I would say that you want them to have a garden corner to call their own for the experience of having one.
Hope I helped, and I hope you don't get offended from this response; I'm not trying to be mean. Also, take this response with a grain of salt because I don't really know what Conncoll is looking for, and what I think might be the opposite of what many others will think. I hope this makes sense...
The first essay is a little odd because you seem to say that by attending Connecticut College, you have lived your whole life, which is odd because you would most likely be there for 4 years and you are there when you're young. I'm also not sure how what you liked about the Conncoll allows you to live all your life. I dunno, just me.
There are also some grammatical errors.
In the second essay, "feeling smoke stinging my eyes and heat burning my vulnerable face" seems out of place because this gives a negative connotation when you're supposed to be describing something positive (maybe you like feeling smoke stinging your eyes and heat burning your face, but if you do, then I think you should make that clear). Also, I don't think that inattentionally is a word, and I googled it too. I kind of know what you mean, but I can't think of the word right now.
"expecting an unexpected reaction" is a little weird for me, and I had to read it a couple times to understand what you were trying to say...
The last paragraph is weird too, especially the first sentence. What is your "place"? Is it the garden corner? I didn't think it was your garden corner since it seems like you're alone in your corner. What is a decided trend? Is it baking banh chung? Why would it be a decided trend? I don't think you should mention that, at the end, you should mention having a garden corner for college essays because it seems like you're trying to set up their life to get into college. I would say that you want them to have a garden corner to call their own for the experience of having one.
Hope I helped, and I hope you don't get offended from this response; I'm not trying to be mean. Also, take this response with a grain of salt because I don't really know what Conncoll is looking for, and what I think might be the opposite of what many others will think. I hope this makes sense...
higuise
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Don't be creeped out; STANFORD COMMON APP. ROOMIE ESSAY [9]
I like some of the statements in your "letter" that make me LOL a little in my head ie, "you can use my make-up, only because I don't have any" and "9:37 PM, Brian looked my direction." These statements make your essay seem informal to fit the "letter" format, and it grabs the reader's attention.
However, one thing that stuck out to me was "what's yours is mine, what's mine is my own, and what's left over, we share." This makes you seem like you're somewhat possessive, but you're willing to take other people's things (with little in return since the only things you seem to be able to share is your [nonexistant] makeup and food [which I assume would not be in a large amount since you find eating boring]).
Also, please take my response with a grain of salt because I don't really know what Stanford is looking for in this essay.
I hope this all made sense...
I like some of the statements in your "letter" that make me LOL a little in my head ie, "you can use my make-up, only because I don't have any" and "9:37 PM, Brian looked my direction." These statements make your essay seem informal to fit the "letter" format, and it grabs the reader's attention.
However, one thing that stuck out to me was "what's yours is mine, what's mine is my own, and what's left over, we share." This makes you seem like you're somewhat possessive, but you're willing to take other people's things (with little in return since the only things you seem to be able to share is your [nonexistant] makeup and food [which I assume would not be in a large amount since you find eating boring]).
Also, please take my response with a grain of salt because I don't really know what Stanford is looking for in this essay.
I hope this all made sense...
higuise
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / I hadn't been weak; I had been strong; Common App/ Experience [5]
Thank you all for your critiques! When I chose this topic, I was worrying about being too generic...
Thank you all for your critiques! When I chose this topic, I was worrying about being too generic...
higuise
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I hadn't been weak; I had been strong; Common App/ Experience [5]
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
The air is cold, and the surroundings loud, but dark. There are two passengers next to me, and a window looking down upon the clouds; I am waiting for the end of this 14 hour flight, and for the people next to me to fall asleep.
I'm returning from another family trip to Vietnam. These 14 hours give me a lot of time to think before the next layover. As I sit and ponder about the past five weeks, everything starts to hit me. I have periodically gone back to Vietnam since my emigration when I was two, but this trip is not like the previous ones. This trip might be my last for a while, my last trip with my family, and the last time I see my mother's side of the family. I won't be able to be the person my younger cousins look up to, and I won't be able to be the "little kid" when I interact with my grandmother, uncles, aunts and older cousins. At college, I won't be looked up to and I won't be treated as a little kid. My family in Vietnam look at me as the incarnation of hope: they believe that I can use my abilities to obtain an education to achieve a better life.
From this point, I will either be taking summer classes or working, when my family visits Vietnam. As I sit there thinking, I feel something wet on my face. It starts dripping down quickly and seems to be coming from my eyes. I feel ashamed to know that I have succumbed to my emotions, but I can't help it and let myself cry until I fall asleep. Suddenly, I'm thankful that I waited until the people next to me were asleep.
Days later, I understand my fault. I hadn't been weak; I had been strong-strong enough to embrace my emotions of sorrow and grief, and understand the power of my story. I had been able to make a very difficult sacrifice for my education knowing that I would not be able to go back to Vietnam and visit my family. However, I also realize that not being able to visit them will help me grow into the adult I will become, and that the "little kid" and the person little children look up to will live in my memories.
My past experiences, emigrating from a country and going back to my birthplace, help me cope with the present and what will happen in the future. The realization that my memories of Vietnam and my family will remain to take me on a happy and familiar journey gives me the strength and support I need to flourish in the real world as an adult.
I think there are some weird transitions in there...
Any critiques are welcome! Thanks!
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
The air is cold, and the surroundings loud, but dark. There are two passengers next to me, and a window looking down upon the clouds; I am waiting for the end of this 14 hour flight, and for the people next to me to fall asleep.
I'm returning from another family trip to Vietnam. These 14 hours give me a lot of time to think before the next layover. As I sit and ponder about the past five weeks, everything starts to hit me. I have periodically gone back to Vietnam since my emigration when I was two, but this trip is not like the previous ones. This trip might be my last for a while, my last trip with my family, and the last time I see my mother's side of the family. I won't be able to be the person my younger cousins look up to, and I won't be able to be the "little kid" when I interact with my grandmother, uncles, aunts and older cousins. At college, I won't be looked up to and I won't be treated as a little kid. My family in Vietnam look at me as the incarnation of hope: they believe that I can use my abilities to obtain an education to achieve a better life.
From this point, I will either be taking summer classes or working, when my family visits Vietnam. As I sit there thinking, I feel something wet on my face. It starts dripping down quickly and seems to be coming from my eyes. I feel ashamed to know that I have succumbed to my emotions, but I can't help it and let myself cry until I fall asleep. Suddenly, I'm thankful that I waited until the people next to me were asleep.
Days later, I understand my fault. I hadn't been weak; I had been strong-strong enough to embrace my emotions of sorrow and grief, and understand the power of my story. I had been able to make a very difficult sacrifice for my education knowing that I would not be able to go back to Vietnam and visit my family. However, I also realize that not being able to visit them will help me grow into the adult I will become, and that the "little kid" and the person little children look up to will live in my memories.
My past experiences, emigrating from a country and going back to my birthplace, help me cope with the present and what will happen in the future. The realization that my memories of Vietnam and my family will remain to take me on a happy and familiar journey gives me the strength and support I need to flourish in the real world as an adult.
I think there are some weird transitions in there...
Any critiques are welcome! Thanks!