Undergraduate / Good, you're in your right mind again; Common App [4]

So I need to finish my Common App essay like, now, and I really need some advice. The prompt was to describe a risk that I took and its effect on me. I have two normal essays that I wrote, but I don't like either of them, and another one which I like but it's really abstract and kind of hard to follow. But, I like that one a lot more because it's not just another boring essay. I've always sucked at writing about myself, so this essay was really challenging. Anyways, here's the really weird one:

Ok, midnight. It's time. Take off your clothes. Not all of them, you weirdo. There. Good, now lay down. Right there, in that bed. Stop moving so much. Just lay there. Ok, we're almost there. Just close your eyes. All you have to do is lie still for 15 minutes, can you do that? Thank you. Ah, finally, I can roam free without this meddlesome body in the way! You'd think being a brain would be simple.

Wait, he's back already? What is he doing? I was just getting started! I'm supposed to get an 8 hour break, not a 20 minute one! What are you, crazy? Turn that alarm off. There you go. Now just relax and go back to - no, don't get up! So, you want to do this, huh? You really expect me to function properly without any REM sleep? Well, fine. Have fun with that. When you decide to stop being insane, I'll be waiting.

Good, you're in your right mind again. Only took you four hours. Ok, you know the drill. Into bed. Go to sleep. There you go. Now I can take my break. I do love light sleep. Doesn't do anything for Troy down there, but I don't have to do anything. Much better than that REM sleep where I have to go dream. And man, that kid has some CRAZY dreams. There was this one dream, where -

Ok seriously. Stop. Go back to bed. I'll admit, you kind of got me the first time, it was a little funny. Ha ha ha. But really, 20 minutes is not enough time for me to get the REM sleep you need. What? No, I can't just go into it immediately. That cuts into my break time. Oh, you read about it on the internet? Polyphasic sleep, you say? You expect me to believe that other people have done this weird, 20 minute nap every 4 hours thing, and that I can too? You know, going from 8 hours of sleep a day to 2 a day is a little crazy. Why do you even want to do this? Oh, not enough time in the day. I guess 16 hours isn't enough for you. Wait, what? You're curious how I work? As if I wanted you to know that.

You're really not giving up on this. Come on man, please, it's been a few days, it was a nice experiment, but just give up! I'm begging you! You know what, fine. If you want it your way, have it your way at Burger King. Yeah, just a double whopper, hold the pic- Argh, see, I'm already getting delusional. All right hold on, go to sleep. Yes, I'll go into REM sleep. Yeah, alright there. There you go. And just because I hate you right now, here's a dream of you being mauled by a bear.

Ok, the moment's right. He's been snowboarding all day, he's totally exhausted. Aaaaand, there! Twelve hours of delicious sleep! Looks like you only lasted a week! How do you like them apples? Oh, you're going to try again? You do that. I'll be ready this time.