Sweet_bubble
Jan 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Weekly allowance for children: Agree/disagree [7]
I hope this helps! Good luck!
(I'm sorry. It seems I choose the wrong part "message". Honestly, it's the first time for me to use Essay Forum. My main goal here is to help you with your essay, joythblessy. I think I should have clicked on "reply" rather than "message". And hope you guys can understand that! :)
These tender minded young children can easy praying to bad habits like smoking, drug addiction, craze for latest fashions and so on and attract towards outer beauty.(These young, tender minded children tend to develop bad habits such as smoking, drug addiction, and crazy for latest fashions) Since it is the sweats less money, they have no hesitation to spend it plentifully. Moreover, if the habit of lavish life style became habitual,(Because "habit became habitual" sounds a little weird, I think it'll be better if you choose this sentence "if they have been used to a lavish life style") they may resort any illegal means to get money to fulfill their needs. This in turn led to produce a number of criminals in the society(This can lead to a number of crimes in the society.) (I think "crime" will be better than "criminal" in the context of your essay) .
This experience(such experiences can )boosts (boost) their money management efficiency in their future lives. Children may face emergency conditions, that time these pocket money will be a blessing for them.(When emergency happens, children will be grateful for their owning pocket money.) .
I hope this helps! Good luck!
(I'm sorry. It seems I choose the wrong part "message". Honestly, it's the first time for me to use Essay Forum. My main goal here is to help you with your essay, joythblessy. I think I should have clicked on "reply" rather than "message". And hope you guys can understand that! :)