Posts by joey18

joey18

Jan 23, 2013

Scholarship / Courage is not born, it is developed; Scholarship 2013 [11]

This is good!! The only thing I would change is 'academic underachiever desperate for options' When I said you came off slightly egotistical I didn't mean for you to sell yourself short either. Maybe 'academically malnourished starving for more options.' (idk how to shorten that sorry) or something where you're neither selling yourself short or blowing up your ego. I hope that makes sense.

joey18

Jan 23, 2013

Essays / ACHIEVEMETNTS AMIDST TOUGH ENVIRONMENTS [16]

This essay seems a bit unorganized and all over the place, you go from a robbery to school to the Revolution period without any good transitions. It doesn't flow smoothly. It reads more like you're listing everything on your resume, giving a laundry list of your accomplishments. In my opinion I would focus one one or two really big accomplishments that had a big impact on your life. You can still mention multiple ones but instead of going through a large list of accomplishments focus on specific ones and really go into depth and show your personality. Hope I helped and wasn't too critical.

joey18

Jan 23, 2013

Undergraduate / Study Abroad Semester At Sea 'Throwing the textbook out the window' [5]

I re-did the last two paragraphs based on feedback:

Having a global perspective is respecting, accepting, and being aware of the differences between people and cultures around the world. It's about recognizing that each culture has unique characteristics, but also as members of the global community we share commonalities with all cultures. I realize that Costa Rica and a country like Argentina won't feel the same. They're both in the Latin America, but they have two distinct heartbeats. By exploring the differences between the food, dress, kinships, and even city layouts of each country a larger discourse about the region can be created for myself. The little things that make Argentina feel like Argentina can be experienced, as well as the things that define Costa Rica as a unique country in Latin America can be unearthed for my global perspective. Through observing commonalities between the two countries, the solid characteristics of the Latin American region will become clearer. However, one region doesn't shape a global perspective. Traveling to a country like Russia will enhance my global perspective because it's in such a different place of the world. The environmental and demographic changes alone allow for a different social structure and dynamic within the country, producing a unique culture. Glaring cultural differences will be evident in Russia, but so will subtle similarities with Latin American countries, but also with the United States. Cultural universals can be established because a larger perspective is being gained about the world and its cultures.

My global perspective grows as I recognize and understand the differences between cultures and the links between the lives of people throughout the world and myself. Developing and enhancing a global perspective is a life-long process and involves makings connections with people around the world. It involves understanding how they think, their values, and the individuality of their culture. Experiencing multiple cultures strengthens a global perspective and allows the transform into a global citizen, which is what I'm striving for. I know Semester at Sea will enable me to do all of this and things I couldn't imagine.

joey18

Jan 23, 2013

Scholarship / Courage is not born, it is developed; Scholarship 2013 [11]

I agree with everyone that the first sentence is confusing, I believe you should start off with one that makes the audience think and engage them in your essay. Be bold. This essay sounds a little disingenuous such as listing the hours you volunteered rather than dedicating those words to further describe your work with Americorps. Also 'lending a hand' sounds like you're not very invested in the volunteering you're doing. As an audience member I see you as slightly egotistical 'academically above average ' ; 'I had a sense of entitlement and false bravado over inflate my ego as I breezed through school.' I think you should add some more as to why it was courageous for you to grow. How did you live boldly and push beyond boundaries?

Hope I was helpful :) Good Luck!!!

joey18

Jan 23, 2013

Undergraduate / UT Austin Statement of Purpose; 'I only had minimal interest in the human body' [6]

You need something to grab your audiences' attention in the first sentence. An engaging beginning draws your readers into your essay. Use laymen terms...ANA?

I take out 'I be able to receive my Biology degree in a shorter amount of time at The University of Texas..' it makes you sound like you don't want to put in the work USF. I would concentrate less on what UT offers you and more of what you can bring to the school, they need to know why they should select you over other applicants.

Hope I helped :) Good Luck!!

joey18

Jan 22, 2013

Undergraduate / Study Abroad Semester At Sea 'Throwing the textbook out the window' [5]

Prompt:How will your Semester at Sea voyage create (or enhance) your personal global perspective? Highlight your discussion by referencing at least one country on your itinerary and by explaining how your time there will further develop your awareness.

Books are vital in the learning process. However, we learn about cultures of the world and people out of textbooks as if those words on a page really represent the life of a people. I can't feel the rhythm of Latin America through a few colorful pictures. I can't see the everyday struggles of Moroccans through a well-crafted paragraph. I certainty can't smell the sweet aroma of Cape Town through second hand stories in a book. I strongly believe the way one becomes a real global citizen is by walking the streets of a country not their own and learning from a people different from them. I've started my journey to a global perspective by studying in San Ramon, Costa Rica for two months. I learned the importance of opening yourself up to others and fully immersing yourself in another culture. My journey is just beginning and I'm ready to continue with my process with Semester at Sea at the center of it right now.

Semester at Sea will provide me with the opportunity to further my awareness about people around the world. With this specific voyage I'd be traveling to the Latin American region, including Argentina. Because I've gained experience and knowledge about one Latin American country, Costa Rica, I can use this port as an opportunity to create a larger discourse about Latin America as a region. I'll be able to experience and witness the similarities as well as differences between multiple countries in the same region, forming a more comprehensive perspective about the region and the uniqueness of the individual countries. Furthering my global awareness, this voyage travels to Russia. It's assumed that this country's culture is different from the cultures of Latin American cultures. This sharp contrast will allow me to draw conclusions regarding cultural universals. Also it will show me a different perspective of the world. I'll be able to see the world through the eyes of a group of people from halfway around the world. As an aspiring cultural anthropologist, I want to be knowledgeable about different cultures from around the world. Through visiting countries and witnessing these cultures myself, I'm able to determine the structure and nuances of the unique cultures, thus being able to use this information to better address specific problems within each culture.

I won't come home a complete global citizen with all the knowledge about the world and people. However, I'll come home with new perspectives and ways of thinking about problems. I'll be better equipped with knowledge and tools to respond to the needs of others from around the world, which will be an important as an anthropologist. From my past study abroad, I know how to be open to stepping out of my comfort zone to learn about others that I share the Earth with and how to embrace the challenges that come with being a global citizen. I know Semester at Sea will enable me to do all of this and things I couldn't imagine.