mt22
Jan 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Essay] Government - Investments in Arts is not a waste of money [2]
Hi, please help me with the following essay, with the grammar mistakes and bad sounding senteneces.
Thank you very much, in andvance, for your time.
QUESTION
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
ANSWER
The investments of the government in the arts, such as music and theatre, are considered by many a waste of money. Because governments should invest this money in public services.
Although this point of view is true, in my opinion, investments in arts are not a waste of money.
To many people there are more important things to invest in, like public services, than arts. This is not a wrong point, because money should not be wasted and should primarily be used to improve the essential services that most of
the people use in every day life. Government might also use half of this money to help and support less lucky people, such as the poorers, with their sustainment, making their lives more decent. And the other half, to help sick people also by supporting the research in rare diseases. Surely this will have a great positive effect on masses and would certainly improve the average lifestyle.
However, other factors should be taken into consideration, and if we reflect in terms of people's happiness, in the end, it does not only come from better public services. People, also like to live in good and beautiful places, full of culture and arts. In addiction, cities rich in arts, museums, monuments, theatres... promote tourism and economy in general. So, to me, this is one of the aspects which should not be ignored. Because it also lead to many great secondary and positive benefits.
To conclude, to me, even though using money for essential things and services is not wrong -- indeed, as I pointed out, there are many nobler ways to use them -- this should not prevent the diffusion of arts, culture and entertainment places, because that also affects a good portion of people and makes their life better.
Hi, please help me with the following essay, with the grammar mistakes and bad sounding senteneces.
Thank you very much, in andvance, for your time.
QUESTION
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
ANSWER
The investments of the government in the arts, such as music and theatre, are considered by many a waste of money. Because governments should invest this money in public services.
Although this point of view is true, in my opinion, investments in arts are not a waste of money.
To many people there are more important things to invest in, like public services, than arts. This is not a wrong point, because money should not be wasted and should primarily be used to improve the essential services that most of
the people use in every day life. Government might also use half of this money to help and support less lucky people, such as the poorers, with their sustainment, making their lives more decent. And the other half, to help sick people also by supporting the research in rare diseases. Surely this will have a great positive effect on masses and would certainly improve the average lifestyle.
However, other factors should be taken into consideration, and if we reflect in terms of people's happiness, in the end, it does not only come from better public services. People, also like to live in good and beautiful places, full of culture and arts. In addiction, cities rich in arts, museums, monuments, theatres... promote tourism and economy in general. So, to me, this is one of the aspects which should not be ignored. Because it also lead to many great secondary and positive benefits.
To conclude, to me, even though using money for essential things and services is not wrong -- indeed, as I pointed out, there are many nobler ways to use them -- this should not prevent the diffusion of arts, culture and entertainment places, because that also affects a good portion of people and makes their life better.
