werdaje
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / CHESS PLAYER; U MICH COMMON APP; Community I belong [4]
Thanks for your help! Much appreciated :)
Thanks for your help! Much appreciated :)
werdaje
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / My home, My community (Michigan Essay) [4]
I agree with dumi!
Also, this sentence seems to me like it needs to be reorganized but dont know exactly how ...
"They have given me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land even when they are terrified , so that I could receive great education."
I think maybe something like:
They gave me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land so that I could receive a great education - even though they were terrified .
As for the answering part
Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
You talk about wanting to become an engineer and your family deciding if you should study abroad, yet I am not sure what community you were trying to say you belong.
Hope this helps!
I agree with dumi!
Also, this sentence seems to me like it needs to be reorganized but dont know exactly how ...
"They have given me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land even when they are terrified , so that I could receive great education."
I think maybe something like:
They gave me their consent to pursue my dreams in an unknown land so that I could receive a great education - even though they were terrified .
As for the answering part
Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
You talk about wanting to become an engineer and your family deciding if you should study abroad, yet I am not sure what community you were trying to say you belong.
Hope this helps!
werdaje
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / CHESS PLAYER; U MICH COMMON APP; Community I belong [4]
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
I am an enthusiastic chess player, which involves a sport that is not very popular -especially among girls. Aside from my home, the place where I feel most at welcome is my local city chess club. At first, my mom worried with me being constantly surrounded by men, but her mind eased when she saw how easily they accepted me. I think our success as a competitive club has to do with the fact that we support and help each other in every way we can. We treat each other with respect and tolerance. As any other normal family, we sometimes have our differences, nonetheless, we are able to talk through them as well as agree on a solution.
Some of us have had the delightful experience of competing in international tournaments, representing our Island and traveling to different countries, meeting new people and cultures. Just recently, I went along a group of twelve other young chess players to compete for the first time in the World Youth Chess Championship in Maribor, Slovenia. As the oldest and more experienced player, amid my delegation, I was unintentionally given the role of advocate and supporter. I encouraged my teammates to always give their best and not feel beaten up if they lost because those were the games of which we learned the most. As U.S. Chess National Master and author Dan Heisman says, "Don't be afraid of losing; be afraid of playing a game and not learning something."
PD: English is not my first language. Please anything is helpful at this point. Deadline is today. Thanks in advance! :)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
I am an enthusiastic chess player, which involves a sport that is not very popular -especially among girls. Aside from my home, the place where I feel most at welcome is my local city chess club. At first, my mom worried with me being constantly surrounded by men, but her mind eased when she saw how easily they accepted me. I think our success as a competitive club has to do with the fact that we support and help each other in every way we can. We treat each other with respect and tolerance. As any other normal family, we sometimes have our differences, nonetheless, we are able to talk through them as well as agree on a solution.
Some of us have had the delightful experience of competing in international tournaments, representing our Island and traveling to different countries, meeting new people and cultures. Just recently, I went along a group of twelve other young chess players to compete for the first time in the World Youth Chess Championship in Maribor, Slovenia. As the oldest and more experienced player, amid my delegation, I was unintentionally given the role of advocate and supporter. I encouraged my teammates to always give their best and not feel beaten up if they lost because those were the games of which we learned the most. As U.S. Chess National Master and author Dan Heisman says, "Don't be afraid of losing; be afraid of playing a game and not learning something."
PD: English is not my first language. Please anything is helpful at this point. Deadline is today. Thanks in advance! :)
