Granolabargurl
Feb 13, 2013
Scholarship / Children with special needs; Health Care Scholarship - Why counseling or health care? [3]
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
Granolabargurl
Feb 12, 2013
Scholarship / Children with special needs; Health Care Scholarship - Why counseling or health care? [3]
Prompt-"Why you have selected to work in the field of counseling or health care."
I really need this scholarship, so bug me on any little error!
Thanks!
I would like to pursue a career in pediatric occupational therapy to make a difference in the lives of children.
I learned about children with special needs at an early age. My younger brother was born with a congenital heart defect. Although he was able to do most activities, he was not allowed to play contact sports and he was required to take medicine every day. Additionally, he had to undergo special testing. My brother wore a halter all day to monitor his heart rhythms once a year. These small concessions may seem insignificant to most people; however, they are not in the eyes of a small child. My brother wanted to be like the other kids in his class. He did not want to be singled out when it came time for sports nor did he want to be asked about the heart monitor. His experiences made me understand how important "fitting in" is in the emotional development of a child. As an occupational therapist, I would like to help children learn how to participate in all their daily activities. There is no better feeling than seeing a young child perform a task they previously were unable to accomplish. The joy that radiates from their face is priceless.
Another reason I chose occupational therapy is my love of teaching. Reflecting back on my years in high school, I realized what brings me the most joy and satisfaction is helping other people and teaching children. I also enjoyed being able to create and design new methods of learning. Throughout high school, I gave piano lessons to beginning students. This was the highlight of my week. I loved interacting with the students and designing different teaching techniques. I strived to make the lessons more challenging and fun. Some weeks we would perform duets and others I would use the computer to assist me. By using different methods, I noticed my students played their songs with more enthusiasm and they enjoyed the variety. I believe this experience will be valuable to me as I begin my career in the health industry because teaching piano taught me many lessons I can use in Occupational Therapy. I learned that different people learn in different ways and the importance of patience.
Hence, pediatric occupational therapy would be a dream job for me because of my personal experiences and my love of teaching and helping others. The satisfaction of coaching others to reach their goal is what motivates me to pursue this occupation.
Prompt-"Why you have selected to work in the field of counseling or health care."
I really need this scholarship, so bug me on any little error!
Thanks!
I would like to pursue a career in pediatric occupational therapy to make a difference in the lives of children.
I learned about children with special needs at an early age. My younger brother was born with a congenital heart defect. Although he was able to do most activities, he was not allowed to play contact sports and he was required to take medicine every day. Additionally, he had to undergo special testing. My brother wore a halter all day to monitor his heart rhythms once a year. These small concessions may seem insignificant to most people; however, they are not in the eyes of a small child. My brother wanted to be like the other kids in his class. He did not want to be singled out when it came time for sports nor did he want to be asked about the heart monitor. His experiences made me understand how important "fitting in" is in the emotional development of a child. As an occupational therapist, I would like to help children learn how to participate in all their daily activities. There is no better feeling than seeing a young child perform a task they previously were unable to accomplish. The joy that radiates from their face is priceless.
Another reason I chose occupational therapy is my love of teaching. Reflecting back on my years in high school, I realized what brings me the most joy and satisfaction is helping other people and teaching children. I also enjoyed being able to create and design new methods of learning. Throughout high school, I gave piano lessons to beginning students. This was the highlight of my week. I loved interacting with the students and designing different teaching techniques. I strived to make the lessons more challenging and fun. Some weeks we would perform duets and others I would use the computer to assist me. By using different methods, I noticed my students played their songs with more enthusiasm and they enjoyed the variety. I believe this experience will be valuable to me as I begin my career in the health industry because teaching piano taught me many lessons I can use in Occupational Therapy. I learned that different people learn in different ways and the importance of patience.
Hence, pediatric occupational therapy would be a dream job for me because of my personal experiences and my love of teaching and helping others. The satisfaction of coaching others to reach their goal is what motivates me to pursue this occupation.
Granolabargurl
Feb 12, 2013
Speeches / Persuasive Speech - Smoking in public should be banned [3]
I actually did this same controversial topic in my english class last year :)
You're essay is great, but here are a few comments I have
"Everyone, even the apparent one-sided marketing teams of tobacco companies, can acknowledge that smoking is bad for people's health."
Maybe you can change the word choice of "bad" to "dentrimental" or "harmful"
"As one of the most common and unhealthy of human habits, smoking, generally in public, had been regarded as a personal choice that bystanders had little control over."
I believe the first had should be has "...has been regarded as a personal choice..."
"Among the minority, smokers and tobacco users and some members of the population are fighting to preserve their rights"
Change to "smokers, tobacco users, and some members of the population..."
Best of luck! Hope this helps :)
I actually did this same controversial topic in my english class last year :)
You're essay is great, but here are a few comments I have
"Everyone, even the apparent one-sided marketing teams of tobacco companies, can acknowledge that smoking is bad for people's health."
Maybe you can change the word choice of "bad" to "dentrimental" or "harmful"
"As one of the most common and unhealthy of human habits, smoking, generally in public, had been regarded as a personal choice that bystanders had little control over."
I believe the first had should be has "...has been regarded as a personal choice..."
"Among the minority, smokers and tobacco users and some members of the population are fighting to preserve their rights"
Change to "smokers, tobacco users, and some members of the population..."
Best of luck! Hope this helps :)
Granolabargurl
Feb 12, 2013
Book Reports / Maturity Gets You Through Life; To Kill a Mockingbird [2]
Your first paragraph is strong, and I love your use of anaphoras. :)
"That shows that he's immature just by saying that. It shows that he thinks that animals aren't important and they don't feel."
Watch your word choice in this sentence, maybe say "this proves Jem is immature by him saying...."
"However Scout is only 6 in the beginning so we can't expect her to be very mature but we notice when she stood up for the Cunningham boy in class she was very mature about it because the teacher didn't understand why he wouldn't take the money for food, but she knew why was because he knew he could never pay her back."
This is a huge run on sentence. You can probably separate it into 2 or maybe 3 sentences.
Hope this helps!
Your first paragraph is strong, and I love your use of anaphoras. :)
"That shows that he's immature just by saying that. It shows that he thinks that animals aren't important and they don't feel."
Watch your word choice in this sentence, maybe say "this proves Jem is immature by him saying...."
"However Scout is only 6 in the beginning so we can't expect her to be very mature but we notice when she stood up for the Cunningham boy in class she was very mature about it because the teacher didn't understand why he wouldn't take the money for food, but she knew why was because he knew he could never pay her back."
This is a huge run on sentence. You can probably separate it into 2 or maybe 3 sentences.
Hope this helps!
