Writing Feedback / 'different ways of leading lives' - Children should begin their formal education at a very early age [5]

Hi, please correct for me my essay. i need your advice also about my english. thanks

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Different people have different ways of leading lives. Some people think that their children should spend most of their time on school studies. While others think that children should spend most of their time playing. As far as I am concerned, if I have children, I probably think that children should spend most of their time on school studies. On school studies, they learn more knowledge, gain more experience and make more friends.

To begin with, they can learn more knowledge if they spend most of their time on school studies. Different people have different knowledge and teacher can help them to have a good education. When I was a child, the school was benefit to me to evaluate.

Nevertheless, I can see no advantage of this aspect if they spend time to playing ; so I prefer that they spend time on school with the teacher.

Moreover, they can gain more experience if they are at school. At a very early age, it is important for them to be separated a little bit of parents.

All the experience they could gain will be benefit to become independent.
However, if they spend time to playing, they can't gain more experience, so I think that they should be at school.

In the other hand, if they are at school, they can make friends. Friends enhance their life and give them sweet memories. They can learn to be sociable.

For me, friends are very important and I stay in touch with the same friends since 1993. (The year i was born).
Meanwhile, if they spend most of their time to playing, they can't meet friends and strengthen their friendship.

Considering the advantages mentioned above, I think that children should spend most of their time on school studies. In fact, it is good to playing sometimes but not all the time.

I wonder what the future have in store for me and my future children but for the moment it is my opinion about this question.