dgc90
May 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / My first story: Waking up in the Darkness [3]
dumi
I mean with "laying on greyness" that "laying on prairie"
dumi
I mean with "laying on greyness" that "laying on prairie"
dgc90
May 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / My first story: Waking up in the Darkness [3]
It supposed to be just our own imaginary story and that's all. I have written that as my teacher wish. But, if you don't mind, could you take a look at my mistakes?
Waking Up in the Darkness
The sky was all cloudy, atmosphere was gloomy and everywhere was looking similar. There was no building, no people and even no any animal. There was just a huge greyness, which looks like infinitive and unexplored. Seems like, no one has ever gone there.
Lucy found herself while laying on greyness and surprised because if she does not remember wrongly, she was talking with her friends at her home. She shouldn't be there. She should be at home and talking with her friends. She tried to move her hands and feet, but she could not. It was like stroke, but the only difference was she could move her head. Suddenly, Lucy realized that, she was suffering from severe headache. Maybe, she couldn't control her body properly because of headache. Lucy tried to remain calm and think. She started thinking what was she doing, where was she, where was the people who are she knows. But, the only thing she remembers was her friends and home-meeting. After she has thought what happened, realized that she could move her limbs. Finally, she stood up started exploring where she was.
Not long after, she found a bad-looking daisy. It was standing on the top of greyness like rebelling all the difficulties. It was waiting someone to rescue it from all those difficulties and Lucy came up. The daisy got Lucy's attention and she went just the daisy's beside and leaned. Suddenly, Lucy broke off the daisy unconsciously.
After she broke off the daisy, she found herself in a city and on the top of the highest skyscraper. There were a lot of skyscraper and all of them were looking the same. There was no sky, there was no people and even animal, too. Suddenly, she felt wind's sight effect and there was a man standing behind her. The man looked at Lucy for a while. He looked at Lucy's smooth, blonde hair and appearance. Lucy's mind all went blank. She couldn't think anything, she was just watching the man who comes towards her.
The man was getting closer her through slow steps. She had to do something about it, there was a man, who is a stranger, getting closer slowly and she had to run away but, she couldn't move. The man was just standing a step away from her. He looked Lucy's unfeeling face and pushed her down from the skyscraper. She fell onto the her head and everything went dark.
It supposed to be just our own imaginary story and that's all. I have written that as my teacher wish. But, if you don't mind, could you take a look at my mistakes?
Waking Up in the Darkness
The sky was all cloudy, atmosphere was gloomy and everywhere was looking similar. There was no building, no people and even no any animal. There was just a huge greyness, which looks like infinitive and unexplored. Seems like, no one has ever gone there.
Lucy found herself while laying on greyness and surprised because if she does not remember wrongly, she was talking with her friends at her home. She shouldn't be there. She should be at home and talking with her friends. She tried to move her hands and feet, but she could not. It was like stroke, but the only difference was she could move her head. Suddenly, Lucy realized that, she was suffering from severe headache. Maybe, she couldn't control her body properly because of headache. Lucy tried to remain calm and think. She started thinking what was she doing, where was she, where was the people who are she knows. But, the only thing she remembers was her friends and home-meeting. After she has thought what happened, realized that she could move her limbs. Finally, she stood up started exploring where she was.
Not long after, she found a bad-looking daisy. It was standing on the top of greyness like rebelling all the difficulties. It was waiting someone to rescue it from all those difficulties and Lucy came up. The daisy got Lucy's attention and she went just the daisy's beside and leaned. Suddenly, Lucy broke off the daisy unconsciously.
After she broke off the daisy, she found herself in a city and on the top of the highest skyscraper. There were a lot of skyscraper and all of them were looking the same. There was no sky, there was no people and even animal, too. Suddenly, she felt wind's sight effect and there was a man standing behind her. The man looked at Lucy for a while. He looked at Lucy's smooth, blonde hair and appearance. Lucy's mind all went blank. She couldn't think anything, she was just watching the man who comes towards her.
The man was getting closer her through slow steps. She had to do something about it, there was a man, who is a stranger, getting closer slowly and she had to run away but, she couldn't move. The man was just standing a step away from her. He looked Lucy's unfeeling face and pushed her down from the skyscraper. She fell onto the her head and everything went dark.