Writing Feedback / How can governments and individuals reduce the rate of accidents? IETLS [3]

Hi,

About the essay:

First the good part.Format is acceptable.
The solution given are good.

Now some improvement points.
Introduction could be improved drastically by adding new and better points such as the social aspect of the problem.

I would want you to add more lines to the first point. as it gets over in just 2-3 lines. add more explanation for re-defaulters

The statistics used in the second point have to be confirmed. I also recommend that you use statistics you are 100 sure of.

As per the grammar of the essay:

Practice Tenses extensively.
You also need a brush-up of prepositions and vocabulary..

Rest .. get a good ietls grammar book, and practice writing a lot before taking the exam