Graduate / Automated tool for energy optimization ; MBA (PGP)/ Attitude, Skills & Knowledge [2]

Hi All,

I took help from this website last year also and found some great feedback and suggestion. I hope I will get the same this time also. Please let me know if there is any grammatical error/suggestion or an ill constructed sentence which I can improve. Please provide your valuable feedback.

Essay#1: Attitude, skills and knowledge differentiate people. Elaborate with two examples on how you would differentiate yourself from other applicants to the PGP. (300 words max)

During one of the projects I did at xxx Limited, I took the responsibility of developing a tool for energy optimization of a refinery unit. Developing an automated tool for energy optimization of world's most complex refinery was a challenging task but I grabbed it as an opportunity to exhibit my problem solving ability. My technical knowledge combined with my analytical and quantitative skills helped me to attain a fruitful conclusion of the project, leading to a patent application for the devised method. The review committee awarded me an "Exceeds Expectations" rating (best possible rating awarded to my batch) for my work. The tool was implemented for energy optimization of several units and resulted in significant energy savings. My responsibility taking attitude and holistic approach of looking at problems will add value to the PGP batch.

Hard work adds further strength to my character as I believe that the difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination. I used to be so skinny that sometimes even a rush of wind was enough to budge me. Many jokes were made up and cracked by my peers on my body weight of 52 kilograms and body mass index of 15.7 until start of this year, when I made a commitment to myself. Following a stringent diet and a rigorous workout routine without any gym trainer, along with managing the time efficiently, was not an easy task. But with my constant perseverance, hard work and discipline I gained 12 kilograms weight in the 3 months session. Although I might not be perfectly muscular, I ended the session with a newfound sense of confidence about life's possibilities.

My convergent thinking and responsible attitude, with the zeal to finish something off until I am fully satisfied with myself would certainly differentiate me from other applicants.

Essay#2: How does the xxx PGP tie-in with your career goals? (300 words max)
As a technical engineer and manager at the world's most complex and largest grassroots refinery, I have worked on a number of projects, based on mathematical modeling of plant processes or troubleshooting process operations. The projects and practical experiences have taught me about the organizational management in a manufacturing industry, made me appreciate the management skills required to operate a plant of such large scale and complexity and thus inspired me to pursue a career in a manufacturing industry.

My short term goals are to take up a management role that involves planning, managing and optimizing different process operations of a global consumer goods company such as Unilever and P&G and to develop within the scope of the firm. My long term goal is to advance to a senior managerial position in a large corporation manufactures consumer goods and to provide good quality and affordable consumer goods in not only the urban but also in the rural India.

Coming from an engineering background, I possess a sound analytical ability reinforced by extensive experience in mathematical modeling and optimization. However, to move into a management role, I need to acquire skills and capabilities that only an MBA degree can provide.

Operations management and subsequent positions require close interaction with departments such as finance, marketing, sales and R&D to take them into account in decision-making. The xxx PGP program will provide me not only the rigor and depth of learning to give an extensive exposure to all subject areas through its wide range of courses but also a solid foundation for operations management through courses such as "Statistical Methods for management decisions" and "Decision models and optimization". The xxxx program will give me an opportunity to apply my classroom knowledge to analyze and explore a manufacturing industry in depth. In my future role, I will be faced daily with situations which require interpersonal skills, which the leadership development program will help me to develop.

Essay#3: Pick the most significant achievement (professional or personal) you have had and elaborate on the key learning you took away from it. (300 words max)

Following my penchant for science, I went to a big city for preparation JEE, an entrance exam to the top Indian engineering institutes. Due to my average performance in high school, I enrolled in a mediocre batch of a coaching institute and got demoted to even a lower batch because of my poor performance in the regular tests. My parents requested the HR department not to demote my batch but they rejected the request and said "Ask your son to rise with his own capabilities." I took their words as a challenge and an opportunity to make my parents proud. Conquering the battle with myself, I moved not to a better batch but to the best batch of the institute. When I showed my new I-card (with the name of my new batch written on it) to my mother, her eyes filled with tears of proud and that was my greatest achievement. From that moment, I never looked back and remained not only in the top batch but also in the top 10 students (out of 2000) of the institute. With my diligence and determination, I cleared the exam in my first attempt with 99.6 percentile.

I consider it as the most significant accomplishment of my life not because I cleared one of the toughest exams of the world but because I developed an "it can be done" attitude that has stayed with me ever since and more importantly, because I made an impact on my family and society after turning my struggle into eventual success. I motivated my cousins, sisters and neighbors by being a role model to them and inspired my parents to send my sisters for higher education.

It has given me a confidence that I can deliver success even after a failure and stimulated my appetite for further challenges. Most importantly, I learned that it is in human nature to fail - but it is how we respond to and rectify these failures that set us apart.

Graduate / "There are people in the world so hungry"; SOP - Profile related to energy in a NGO [5]

Given below is the first draft of my statement of purpose needed for getting a job interview. I still have two-three paragraphs left regarding my work experience and the ending paragraphs. Please review the following SOP and suggest any modifications. It would be really helpful for me.

"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread", being from a nation where more than 65% people live on less than $2 a day and from a middle class family where my grandfather & father had seen the days of hardship, I understand the value of bread which inspires me to work for a poverty free tomorrow. There is a common misconception that a human being born into a life of poverty has very little to contribute to a society. With a firm belief in equality I find this misconception hard to believe. I have confidence and faith in saying that every child born into this world is much more than a product of their surroundings; they are part of our world as a whole. On a platform like xxxx, whose mission is xxxx, I aspire to work towards developing a better society using the intellectual and research abilities I have developed during my academic and professional life. Despite being from a small town and from a family with not a very high educational background, my hard work, passion towards mathematics and science and constant support of family led me to the top engineering college of the country, Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi for a bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering.

My undergraduate program was a judicious mix of theory and practice. The rigorous curriculum at IIT exposed me to a wide range of subject and gave me a strong foundation to my quantitative and analytical skills. Courses like Environment, Development & Society, Petroleum Refinery, Safety and Hazards in process industries, Biomass production, Rural Energy Systems, Advance waste water treatment fuelled my interest in the environment and energy sector. To combine my theoretical knowledge with practical skills, I undertook a project on Fuel generation from wastage of petroleum refineries, biomass and coal. The project was acknowledged as an idea to contribute to the reduction of the fossil fuels dependency and CO2 emissions. Under the guidance of a professor, I did my research project on "Synthesizing and modelling a resident friendly ventilation system to be used in commercial and institutional buildings". I presented my work before a panel of professors and was appreciated for the one of a kind effort.

As a step towards increasing my academic exposure and interpersonal skills, I decided to do an internship after my sophomore year. I got selected in a two months internship program in a research laboratory in xxxx, Canada. I modelled a mechanism which can be used to determine response to environmental cues to biological systems using MATLAB. Living in a country and working in a university whose first language was other than my native language was a whole new experience to me. After finishing my senior year, I undertook another two months internship in a research laboratory in xxxx, USA. I developed & modelled a correlation for cell-cell communication and optimized the parameters by doing a Cost-Benefit Analysis on the communication model. In addition to the appreciation and recommendations for my work, I experienced the diversity and cultural differences. Having worked in two different countries, I enhanced my cultural awareness and sensitivity to customs and cultural differences. Working with people with different backgrounds and cross-cultural teams gave me insight into the communication styles and adaptability. Dealing with uncertainty, ambiguity and travelling increased my confidence, independence and travel skills.

To enhance my practical understanding and to gain industrial exposure, I chose to intern at the xxxx after my junior year. The complex interconnectivity of distinct units working in perfect synchronization and the predominance of economic and environmental considerations in structuring the refinery fascinated me. This fascination motivated me to give my more than hundred percent in my work and thus making a significant contribution to the industry. I developed & programmed an algorithm in MATLAB & Visual Basic to detect abnormality in an industrial process using Principal Component Analysis. My performance during the internship helped me in extending a Pre-placement job offer from the company.

Consistently enjoying studies, I have not curtailed my extracurricular pursuits as I have always focused on developing myself as a versatile personality. In college, I was actively involved in teaching basic education to the underprivileged and poor children and organising numerous blood donation, eye check-up & literacy camps inside IIT. In Jamnagar, I have been involved in providing clothes, food and other day to day goods to the needy people by collecting a charity amount from the employees of RIL. Besides social activities, I was involved in conducting cultural events in my college. I was appointed as the Hospitality Director of Semblance - 2010, the annual Fine Arts Club festival of IIT Delhi. As a director, I led a team of 20 organizers to oversee the hospitality and logistics of the festival. I was also a member of the organizing team of I2Tech - 2010 (Open House, IIT Delhi), Semblance - 2009 and Rendezvous - 2007 (The annual cultural festival of IIT Delhi). I actively participated in dance and fine art clubs events in my college.