katj21
Feb 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Unexpected Change" essay [6]
Can someone just look this over real quick and give me some feedback please?
Upon entering high school, I began to notice an unexpected change with my body physically, and a depletion of energy that began affecting me dramatically. I was gaining weight and I constantly felt tired when I woke up, during class, and as soon as I got home. It never crossed my mind though, that my eating habits were considered "unhealthy". I went for a check-up with my pediatrician who familiarized me with the fact that my blood sugar levels and cholesterol had risen just above its normal rates. With my family history running through the back of my mind, I was already aware of where this was headed. As a young girl, I watched my all the elders in my family go in and out of hospitals, constantly having to extract blood to make sure their blood and sugar levels weren't getting too out of hand. From my grandparents, to all of their children, including my mother, they were all diagnosed with diabetes. When my doctor informed me I was going in the same direction, I was shocked because I thought diabetes could only affect older people. I was also informed that factors such as family history and physical inactivity can result in diabetes, as well as high blood glucose, high blood pressure, unhealthy cholesterol levels, and obesity. It turned out diabetes affects nearly 2 million people under the age of 45 which sets the stage for heart disease or a stroke. This is why I want to stress the importance of a one's health.
Diabetes isn't the only health issue our generation should be apprehensive about. America today according to the American Public Health Association, and compared to other developed nations, experiences rates much higher in infant mortality, obesity, HIV/AIDS, and also has a shorter life expectancy. When I found out I was most likely going to be diagnosed with diabetes if I did not change my eating habits, I immediately took action. I began exercising everyday and decreased my caloric, fat, and sugar intake and gradually decreased them even more as the months passed. Unintentionally, I became obsessed with the weight I was losing and my appearance. Although I had strayed away from diabetes, I not only lost too much weight, but diagnosed myself with amenorrhea, a leading cause of osteoporosis. I could not understand why everyone would say I was "too skinny" or that I was "about to disappear". I couldn't understand why it even mattered to them. After visiting the doctor, I was told I had to gain a few pounds so that I would be considered "healthy" again. After finally realizing the stress I had put my body through, I knew I had to inform others about their health. I gathered a few friends and other students together to talk about certain health issues. I shared with them my experience, and how being overweight and underweight could be dangerous. I gave them the facts and information I had gathered about various health issues and how they may be avoided. Many people still confront me about their health issues and I am always more than happy to give them advice on with whom they should refer to or about any information I may have.
With health insurance being a bit costly, and being unaffordable to some, not everyone is able to pay annual visits to the doctor, or pay for certain surgeries and medicines they may need to get well. If more people were informed about their health and prevention, perhaps most of these surgeries and medicines may not be of need. Nutritionists, Dieticians, and other health related professions, which I plan to pursue, will make a great lasting contribution to the overall health of America.
Can someone just look this over real quick and give me some feedback please?
Upon entering high school, I began to notice an unexpected change with my body physically, and a depletion of energy that began affecting me dramatically. I was gaining weight and I constantly felt tired when I woke up, during class, and as soon as I got home. It never crossed my mind though, that my eating habits were considered "unhealthy". I went for a check-up with my pediatrician who familiarized me with the fact that my blood sugar levels and cholesterol had risen just above its normal rates. With my family history running through the back of my mind, I was already aware of where this was headed. As a young girl, I watched my all the elders in my family go in and out of hospitals, constantly having to extract blood to make sure their blood and sugar levels weren't getting too out of hand. From my grandparents, to all of their children, including my mother, they were all diagnosed with diabetes. When my doctor informed me I was going in the same direction, I was shocked because I thought diabetes could only affect older people. I was also informed that factors such as family history and physical inactivity can result in diabetes, as well as high blood glucose, high blood pressure, unhealthy cholesterol levels, and obesity. It turned out diabetes affects nearly 2 million people under the age of 45 which sets the stage for heart disease or a stroke. This is why I want to stress the importance of a one's health.
Diabetes isn't the only health issue our generation should be apprehensive about. America today according to the American Public Health Association, and compared to other developed nations, experiences rates much higher in infant mortality, obesity, HIV/AIDS, and also has a shorter life expectancy. When I found out I was most likely going to be diagnosed with diabetes if I did not change my eating habits, I immediately took action. I began exercising everyday and decreased my caloric, fat, and sugar intake and gradually decreased them even more as the months passed. Unintentionally, I became obsessed with the weight I was losing and my appearance. Although I had strayed away from diabetes, I not only lost too much weight, but diagnosed myself with amenorrhea, a leading cause of osteoporosis. I could not understand why everyone would say I was "too skinny" or that I was "about to disappear". I couldn't understand why it even mattered to them. After visiting the doctor, I was told I had to gain a few pounds so that I would be considered "healthy" again. After finally realizing the stress I had put my body through, I knew I had to inform others about their health. I gathered a few friends and other students together to talk about certain health issues. I shared with them my experience, and how being overweight and underweight could be dangerous. I gave them the facts and information I had gathered about various health issues and how they may be avoided. Many people still confront me about their health issues and I am always more than happy to give them advice on with whom they should refer to or about any information I may have.
With health insurance being a bit costly, and being unaffordable to some, not everyone is able to pay annual visits to the doctor, or pay for certain surgeries and medicines they may need to get well. If more people were informed about their health and prevention, perhaps most of these surgeries and medicines may not be of need. Nutritionists, Dieticians, and other health related professions, which I plan to pursue, will make a great lasting contribution to the overall health of America.