stinna11
Feb 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / Vaule of Money & Hardwork: work experience [9]
Thank you so much for the feedback. I revised my short answer by adding more details about the work. I am trying to include the story as well as what I got out of the experience do you feel this works as a whole now?
Brought up in a town of privilege, the way I was raised was much different to that of my peers. Instilling the value of money and hard work in me at a young age, my parents told me they would match however much money I saved for my car. Every Saturday, starting at the age of ten, I accompanied my father to his office. I still remember trying to lift the heavy mop and pushing it across the floor using all my weight. The routine began with emptying all thirty-two trashcans; yes I have counted...many times. I continued by vacuuming each office, sweeping and mopping the floors, and lastly cleaning the bathrooms. When it came time to buy my car, I had saved eleven thousand dollars on my own. While my peers treated their new BMW's and Mercedes' with no respect, I pampered my car, as I knew all the hard work that went into obtaining it. I then realized that the world of entitlement in which my friends lived in would get me nowhere.
Thank you so much for the feedback. I revised my short answer by adding more details about the work. I am trying to include the story as well as what I got out of the experience do you feel this works as a whole now?
Brought up in a town of privilege, the way I was raised was much different to that of my peers. Instilling the value of money and hard work in me at a young age, my parents told me they would match however much money I saved for my car. Every Saturday, starting at the age of ten, I accompanied my father to his office. I still remember trying to lift the heavy mop and pushing it across the floor using all my weight. The routine began with emptying all thirty-two trashcans; yes I have counted...many times. I continued by vacuuming each office, sweeping and mopping the floors, and lastly cleaning the bathrooms. When it came time to buy my car, I had saved eleven thousand dollars on my own. While my peers treated their new BMW's and Mercedes' with no respect, I pampered my car, as I knew all the hard work that went into obtaining it. I then realized that the world of entitlement in which my friends lived in would get me nowhere.
