amberlesak
Apr 3, 2013
Graduate / I have always been provided with a great learning environment; PhD SoP [4]
Oh okay :) Did you add your statement of purpose? haha
Oh okay :) Did you add your statement of purpose? haha
amberlesak
Apr 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why people go to college? Reasons and examples [13]
OOHH!! I read that wrong! haha I get it know I reread it and it was clear.. maybe specify that he is an extremely successful business man! that way one knows you mean "rich" haha :)
OOHH!! I read that wrong! haha I get it know I reread it and it was clear.. maybe specify that he is an extremely successful business man! that way one knows you mean "rich" haha :)
amberlesak
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why people go to college? Reasons and examples [13]
Nowadays, more people are interested in getting a higher education. We(stay in 3rd person!) can think of many reasons that(try to avoid using "that" too much.. I feel this word isn't necessary if you reword this sentence) make people spend many years of their life in a college or university. However, the most common reason is the need to have a good career in further life(further in life) . And that is mostly attributed to two points, have a better income and better position in society.(The need to have a good career is attributed to two points: to have a better income and a better position in society (or you can say the "social ladder)).
When we ask parents why they send their children to college?(This is a fragment sentence and there's no need to have a question mark. Maybe you should combine this sentence with the next sentence). Most of the answers will be: (not needed) so they can have a better life and good pay. A research took place lately (when was "lately?") in India showed that (omit) 97% of students want to have a good (find a synonym; you use "good" too much! Use a higher vocab. word) degree to able to find a job with good salary. This is a clear indication that people look at the college degree as a life security.
Other people have a concern of having a respected position in society. My friend's father, who is a big business man , went to medical college. Obviously, he did not need to work, but he wanted the title "Dr." (spell it out: doctor... don't use the abbreviation!) before his name in order to get respected position in the society. Hence, I believe that there are many other people who care about making their career through higher education, but not for the money.
In the (a) nutshell, I can confidently say that people are caring more about getting into a college or university to build a better career or have a better income, which one can not have without obtaining a degree, especially in today's society.
I edited this... if it's highlighted in red, you either don't need it, it needs to be changed, or I changed it and I want you to notice the difference. If it's in blue, I suggested a way to reword the sentence or the replacement of a word or words.
Honestly, I think this is okay. I think you need to include more of yourself in this essay. Use more real-life experiences. You have one (your friend's father only went to medical school to be called "doctor") but I think you need more. If I were choosing winners of this scholarship, I would put this essay towards the bottom of the pile. Try to put some more thought into this essay.. I feel like you just threw this together at last minute. I'm sorry if I'm too harsh and maybe I'm too nit-picky! I am a perfectionist! :)
PS- tell your friend's dad that he didn't have to go to medical school to become a doctor if he's in business! He should have just got his doctorate in college! In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to go to medical school.. what a waste of brain space and money! He could still be called "doctor" with a doctorate in business, which is probably information he'd use! haha :)
Nowadays, more people are interested in getting a higher education. We(stay in 3rd person!) can think of many reasons that(try to avoid using "that" too much.. I feel this word isn't necessary if you reword this sentence) make people spend many years of their life in a college or university. However, the most common reason is the need to have a good career in further life(further in life) . And that is mostly attributed to two points, have a better income and better position in society.(The need to have a good career is attributed to two points: to have a better income and a better position in society (or you can say the "social ladder)).
When we ask parents why they send their children to college?(This is a fragment sentence and there's no need to have a question mark. Maybe you should combine this sentence with the next sentence). Most of the answers will be: (not needed) so they can have a better life and good pay. A research took place lately (when was "lately?") in India showed that (omit) 97% of students want to have a good (find a synonym; you use "good" too much! Use a higher vocab. word) degree to able to find a job with good salary. This is a clear indication that people look at the college degree as a life security.
Other people have a concern of having a respected position in society. My friend's father, who is a big business man , went to medical college. Obviously, he did not need to work, but he wanted the title "Dr." (spell it out: doctor... don't use the abbreviation!) before his name in order to get respected position in the society. Hence, I believe that there are many other people who care about making their career through higher education, but not for the money.
In the (a) nutshell, I can confidently say that people are caring more about getting into a college or university to build a better career or have a better income, which one can not have without obtaining a degree, especially in today's society.
I edited this... if it's highlighted in red, you either don't need it, it needs to be changed, or I changed it and I want you to notice the difference. If it's in blue, I suggested a way to reword the sentence or the replacement of a word or words.
Honestly, I think this is okay. I think you need to include more of yourself in this essay. Use more real-life experiences. You have one (your friend's father only went to medical school to be called "doctor") but I think you need more. If I were choosing winners of this scholarship, I would put this essay towards the bottom of the pile. Try to put some more thought into this essay.. I feel like you just threw this together at last minute. I'm sorry if I'm too harsh and maybe I'm too nit-picky! I am a perfectionist! :)
PS- tell your friend's dad that he didn't have to go to medical school to become a doctor if he's in business! He should have just got his doctorate in college! In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to go to medical school.. what a waste of brain space and money! He could still be called "doctor" with a doctorate in business, which is probably information he'd use! haha :)
amberlesak
Apr 1, 2013
Graduate / I have always been provided with a great learning environment; PhD SoP [4]
I like it! I'm not really into all this science stuff but my sister is and you remind me of her lol :) She is working on her Master Thesis too! Well, back on track.. did you ever add your statement of purpose? Without it I feel I can't fully review this letter. I think this letter is written very well and it's obvious you are very educated. Grammar, punctuation, and spelling is perfect (and I am a stickler about grammar!) and the vocabulary is at a very high level! I'm very impressed :)
I like it! I'm not really into all this science stuff but my sister is and you remind me of her lol :) She is working on her Master Thesis too! Well, back on track.. did you ever add your statement of purpose? Without it I feel I can't fully review this letter. I think this letter is written very well and it's obvious you are very educated. Grammar, punctuation, and spelling is perfect (and I am a stickler about grammar!) and the vocabulary is at a very high level! I'm very impressed :)
