WritersBlock
Mar 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "high regards on my education" - Need Imput/Editing on My Statement [4]
What kind of errors do I have? So that I can correct them.
What kind of errors do I have? So that I can correct them.
WritersBlock
Mar 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "high regards on my education" - Need Imput/Editing on My Statement [4]
Hey, I need help editing this essay, such as grammar, commas, ect. I also feel that the ending is a little weak, what can I do to make it better?
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Ever since I was a little girl, my family held a high regards on my education. As a child I attended private schools, even though my mom was single and was paid minimum wage. My grandparents would occasionally help her with the school and house expense, in order to help with her financial burden. Unfortunately my grandfather died about four years ago from a stroke, and my grandmother died two years later of cancer in the pancreas. Life for me has not been the same, for my grandfather was like a father for me. In was a blow for the rest of the family, both emotionally and financially. We tried to minimize our expenses by going to an excellent public school for the last two years of high school.
I was very fortunate to have been accepted to the University of St. Thomas. It was my first and only choice, I liked everything about it. It's close to home, people are friendly, and the landscape is beautiful. But now I'm faced with a challenge. My mom's business in real estate has not been doing so well, especially with this economic crisis going on. Having worked in a local Blockbuster video Store, I know the value of making money for hard work. I've learned that it is even harder to work when it's on commission and one depends on someone else. I know everyone right now is struggling with their financial situation.
So you might be asking, why am I special? Because I have determination and a goal in mind, I want to study the five year program of accounting where I can get my BBA /MBA. In the long term I hope to become a CPA. But first I need to finish my undergrad years, and for that I need financial support to make this goal possible. I am in desperate need of help, since there is no one to back me up since my grandparents died.
Hey, I need help editing this essay, such as grammar, commas, ect. I also feel that the ending is a little weak, what can I do to make it better?
------------------------------------------------------------ ----
Ever since I was a little girl, my family held a high regards on my education. As a child I attended private schools, even though my mom was single and was paid minimum wage. My grandparents would occasionally help her with the school and house expense, in order to help with her financial burden. Unfortunately my grandfather died about four years ago from a stroke, and my grandmother died two years later of cancer in the pancreas. Life for me has not been the same, for my grandfather was like a father for me. In was a blow for the rest of the family, both emotionally and financially. We tried to minimize our expenses by going to an excellent public school for the last two years of high school.
I was very fortunate to have been accepted to the University of St. Thomas. It was my first and only choice, I liked everything about it. It's close to home, people are friendly, and the landscape is beautiful. But now I'm faced with a challenge. My mom's business in real estate has not been doing so well, especially with this economic crisis going on. Having worked in a local Blockbuster video Store, I know the value of making money for hard work. I've learned that it is even harder to work when it's on commission and one depends on someone else. I know everyone right now is struggling with their financial situation.
So you might be asking, why am I special? Because I have determination and a goal in mind, I want to study the five year program of accounting where I can get my BBA /MBA. In the long term I hope to become a CPA. But first I need to finish my undergrad years, and for that I need financial support to make this goal possible. I am in desperate need of help, since there is no one to back me up since my grandparents died.
WritersBlock
Mar 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Using personal pronouns and personal examples and opinions in an essay [5]
I believe that using "I" is not incorrectly if it's asking for your opinion. But don't use it very often that it becomes repetitive. Try to incorporate your ideas. Look at this website to help you more, when to specifically use "I": unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/should_I_use_I.html
I believe that using "I" is not incorrectly if it's asking for your opinion. But don't use it very often that it becomes repetitive. Try to incorporate your ideas. Look at this website to help you more, when to specifically use "I": unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/should_I_use_I.html
WritersBlock
Mar 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "three unique factors" - Is my short answer response too weak? [7]
In my opinion I would not count literature as a weak response. I think you did a really good job, I would start off with your parent's socioeconomic situation and then move into the literature part of it. But it's just a suggestion.
In my opinion I would not count literature as a weak response. I think you did a really good job, I would start off with your parent's socioeconomic situation and then move into the literature part of it. But it's just a suggestion.
WritersBlock
Mar 16, 2009
Scholarship / Career Goals Essay for scholarship -- Love of numbers leads to accounting [NEW]
I need help with a scholarship essay... I need to know what one thinks of this essay.. What can I do to make it better?
The prompt is:
Explain how and why your chosen major ties with your career goal in USA workforce. Discuss any personal experience or circumstances. Include factors such as family heritage,and background. Only 500 words.
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Since I was in elementary school, numbers were fun to work with. It challenged me. Since then I have looked for a career that I would interest me. When I thought of Accounting, the first thing that came to mind was a person that was considered trustworthy and had good standings with all type of people. I could myself as that type of person. An accountant also deals with people who need help with their financial problems. Such as in dealing with money that is received and spent, in other words trying to figure out how to balance the two.
It reminds me of my mother, who as a single mother had to struggle with her finances. I felt a little responsible for the expenses of the house. So I would always try to help her out by calculating the cost of an item when we went shopping. Usually reminding her how much money the item cost and if she really needed it. My mother encouraged me to save my money when she gave me a register as a gift for my tenth birthday.
One of the persons that has influenced in my life was my grandfather. He loved me very much, and taught me a variety of things. He was not only a grandfather to me, I considered him more like a father that I never had. He achieved many things in his lifetime. He was a very successful person, always thinking big. That's a reason why he had twelve children and built the tallest building in Mexico City, at the time he was only twenty-eight years old. He never gave up on anything. Even when he was old and very sick, he would still encourage his grandchildren, especially me. He would feel proud when we accomplishment something, because we were a part of him. He would give each of his granddaughters 10 dollars every Sunday. Unlike my other cousins who would spend it on candy or small toys by the end of the week. I knew that by saving up my money, I could buy something more valuable and eventually I bought myself a piano. Which to this day I consider it a very valuable treasure, because I knew I had made a good decision in buying it.
Since my childhood, my family has shown me a variety of good habits, one of them being common sense. In my opinion, in order to resolve different types of situations that occur in life, one must have ethical standards. Because having ethics is important in all types of field, but especially in accounting because it deals with large sums of money. There are many things that have happened in our society, because people have no ethical code or common sense to the problems that have happened in our world.
Many people have certain personalities that fit the kind of work they do. I consider myself a disciplined person and all the qualities of an accountant suit me well. Such as being a good listening and having ethics in order to help people in the future with their financial problems. Which is what a good accountant does.
I need help with a scholarship essay... I need to know what one thinks of this essay.. What can I do to make it better?
The prompt is:
Explain how and why your chosen major ties with your career goal in USA workforce. Discuss any personal experience or circumstances. Include factors such as family heritage,and background. Only 500 words.
-----------------------------------------
Since I was in elementary school, numbers were fun to work with. It challenged me. Since then I have looked for a career that I would interest me. When I thought of Accounting, the first thing that came to mind was a person that was considered trustworthy and had good standings with all type of people. I could myself as that type of person. An accountant also deals with people who need help with their financial problems. Such as in dealing with money that is received and spent, in other words trying to figure out how to balance the two.
It reminds me of my mother, who as a single mother had to struggle with her finances. I felt a little responsible for the expenses of the house. So I would always try to help her out by calculating the cost of an item when we went shopping. Usually reminding her how much money the item cost and if she really needed it. My mother encouraged me to save my money when she gave me a register as a gift for my tenth birthday.
One of the persons that has influenced in my life was my grandfather. He loved me very much, and taught me a variety of things. He was not only a grandfather to me, I considered him more like a father that I never had. He achieved many things in his lifetime. He was a very successful person, always thinking big. That's a reason why he had twelve children and built the tallest building in Mexico City, at the time he was only twenty-eight years old. He never gave up on anything. Even when he was old and very sick, he would still encourage his grandchildren, especially me. He would feel proud when we accomplishment something, because we were a part of him. He would give each of his granddaughters 10 dollars every Sunday. Unlike my other cousins who would spend it on candy or small toys by the end of the week. I knew that by saving up my money, I could buy something more valuable and eventually I bought myself a piano. Which to this day I consider it a very valuable treasure, because I knew I had made a good decision in buying it.
Since my childhood, my family has shown me a variety of good habits, one of them being common sense. In my opinion, in order to resolve different types of situations that occur in life, one must have ethical standards. Because having ethics is important in all types of field, but especially in accounting because it deals with large sums of money. There are many things that have happened in our society, because people have no ethical code or common sense to the problems that have happened in our world.
Many people have certain personalities that fit the kind of work they do. I consider myself a disciplined person and all the qualities of an accountant suit me well. Such as being a good listening and having ethics in order to help people in the future with their financial problems. Which is what a good accountant does.