Posts by Fco

Fco_94

May 25, 2013

Writing Feedback / college and university should be available for all students or only to good students [4]

Hi there Habib Rastegar. Your essay it's not bad at all, but I've found some mistakes.

When lazy educators see the clever students, they unconsciousnesswan to compete with them to increase their knowledge and their social status among their classmates.

Unsconsciousness is a noun, and means "loss of consciousness". I think you wanna say "unconsciously", an adverb, which means "lack of awareness or intention"

You forgot a "t" in that verb form, want .

Students whom with low intelligence can attempt hard and hard to increase their knowledge by paying attention to their own professors and performing their assignments and projects duly.

You need a gerund after a cause clause introduced by "by".

For instance, I have a friend who he poor and he had to work all the day to pay his tuition and buy his school books at high school

You need a verb there; replace that pronoun and put "is" or "was" instead.

They have to be allowed to enter the college and university to increase the scientific level of their own country

They maybe kill themselves because they are not successful in their scientific fields .

There are not only scientific degrees like Medicine or Engineering, but also Arts, Law, and so on. And they are important as well, so you can include them too.

Those are the major mistakes I've found, I hope it will help you a bit ^^

Fco_94

May 24, 2013

Writing Feedback / The Mass Media Control; Differents Risks and Points of View [4]

Thanks a lot for your help, both of you. I've managed to correct the mistakes that kridUessay found, but I have a few more questions about the aspects you dumi said, if you don't mind.

Fco_94:
It is well know that mass media has a huge influence in our way of thinking; but, in most cases, being aware of this is not enough to see clearly the consequences of such an important matter. .... First part is fine, but wish you improve presentation of the second part. Your idea does not flow clearly :(

I've been thinking in eliminate the second part, cause I've realized that it's meaningless. But maybe is a little bit rude to go on with "the question is..." ,so soon in my introduction. What do you think?

Fco_94:
The question is... can we liberate ourselves from this control, even if we know about it? ... don't have .... You really do not need them there if you have a connector like "whether" or that . Also you need to tell the reader what this control is. You haven't talked about it before. In any essay, the introduction paragraph should be dedicated to introduce your topic.

I understand. With "this control" I was referring to the "huge influence in our way of thinking" that mass media implies. But I can see the relation is not clear enough. I think I could fix it this way; "the question is... can we liberate ourselves from the control that mass media exercise in our minds?", or something like that.

Maybe I should rewrite the whole introduction in order to adapt it better to the rest of my development ^^U

Fco_94

May 23, 2013

Writing Feedback / The Mass Media Control; Differents Risks and Points of View [4]

Hello everyone! I'm in my first year of college and I'm constanly being asked for papers by my English teacher. The fact is I'm just starting writing papers, and I'm not pretty good as you can see, so I really appreciatte your help with this one, an argumentative essay about the mass media. Thanks in advance ^^

It is well know that mass media has a huge influence in our way of thinking; but, in most cases, being aware of this is not enough to see clearly the consequences of such an important matter. The question is... can we liberate ourselves from this control, even if we know about it? Or are we doomed to be puppets for the rest of our life? We will discuss these different points of view along this essay.

First of all, we must know about the several mass media we are influenced for. According to the experts, there are four main types; information media (television news broadcasts, newspapers, radio news), incitement media (such as advertisements and TV spots), opinion media (gossip programmes, round tables) and entertaiment media (films, series, contests, reality shows, etc). All of them have their own different implications, and people can look at them in a different manner too.

Information media is one of the most consumed media among people. A great part of the population thinks about it as a usefull tool, and it is usually thought to be objective and truthfully... but is that so? Television is a great business after all; and it's the same for press and radio. In many cases, they have not only economic interests, but politics too. It's not so uncommon nowadays when some other people decides not to consume any kind of programme, not even TV news, because of the distrust they have in information media. These people is not tricked, but to be uninformed is maybe a price too high in actual society. What can we do then? Well, to begin with, the experts advice is to read about the same incident in different information sources. By reading in different webs or articles, we can make our own conclussions, and to avoid both disinformation and negative influence of the media. We can also talk to our family or friends about currently affairs in order to contrast their different points of view, and this way we can have a truly well-formed opinion.

Another mass media is the incitement media. In the developing world, we are quite familiar with advertisements and spots. A lot of people tend to be indifferent about them, but some other have realized about the influence they exert in our personality and are against them; and the true is, that studies have revealed that nearly 70 % of the goods we buy are previously announced in TV or another mass media. So announcements really conditionate our preferences; even when a person doesn't buy nothing announced at all just because it's announced, he or she is just being influenced as well. Leaving behind these radical stances, maybe the best thing we can do is to think carefully about what do we need, and what do we want, in order to choose the goods and services that we really need in every moment.

The third type of mass media is the opinion media. It mainly consists in discussions between politicians, essays about current affairs, interviews to personalities, and so on. This kind of contents are generally accepted, cause they provide different points of view about the same topic. However, it is highly recommended to study properly the kind of person whose opinion we are listening to, because the speaker -or writer- can be influenced by many aspects, such as his culture and his policy option.

Finally, we have the so-called entertaiment media. Once again, there are people indiferent about it and also people against this media, because of the hidden manipulation it involves -we can see lots of stereotypes in series and films everyday-. Despite of that, this media envolves a lot of popular celebrities who exert a great influence in population; young people most of them, who looks up to actors, musicians and public figures that appears in the small screen. Nevertheless, the fact that these personalities constitues such a diverse group can help us to find our personal taste in fashion or music -as long as we weren't impressionable-, so, in my opinion, it's not a real threat to our individual thinking.

In conclusion, it has been shown that this mass media phaenomena is a really important issue in our actual society. Anyway, we shouldn't be obsessed so much with these things; the point of all this is to become free-thinking people who could use the media as they want, instead of being used by it.