kaybee
Sep 10, 2013
Essays / is there anything you want us to know about your candidacy??? [3]
thank you, admission2012! that helped a lot :)
thank you, admission2012! that helped a lot :)
kaybee
Sep 10, 2013
Essays / is there anything you want us to know about your candidacy??? [3]
I'm a little bit confused on this question. I guess it's more like I don't know what to write. can it be about anything? I'm applying as a music major and I was thinking about writing about how I didn't always want to study music and that I actually didn't realize I wanted to study music until a couple years ago. is that the kind of stuff they look for?
I'm a little bit confused on this question. I guess it's more like I don't know what to write. can it be about anything? I'm applying as a music major and I was thinking about writing about how I didn't always want to study music and that I actually didn't realize I wanted to study music until a couple years ago. is that the kind of stuff they look for?
kaybee
Sep 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / Sharing room with other students or living on one's own? [2]
Overall pretty good essay, just a few grammar problems.
Living in a dormitory is a very good opportunity forthe students to be socialized and make friends. I prefer to spend my time to havehaving fun with my friends rather than to finding out my roommate's personality. Also I have some strange habits that onlya few people can tolerate, so I would prefer to choose my own roommate by my own .
I really prefer to live with somebody who I know. I do not like to spend time and energyto getting familiar with each other's lifestyle and habits to see whether we can go along with each other or not. Take myself as anfor example. When I first enteredbeganuniversitycollege I did not know anyone so, I chose my roommate based on the university's preference. She was a very kind and calm girl, but her laziness caused many problems between us; and these conflictions prevented us to make a friendly relationfrom being good friends.
Also, I think it would be fun to live with your friends. I am really an energetic and talkative person, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. During my university days, I was engineering(engineering?) students and my lessons were really hard, but when Ijustfindfound even an hour free, I used towould go out for dinner or go to the park with my friends. For example I remember aton the weekends we used to listen to music, dance, play cards and talk until dawn
Finally, I have some strange habits that some people cannot tolerate and my roommateshouldmight be too patient to go along withaccept them. For instance, if even a friend of mine even speaks or laughs during my studies for exams,, it would make me angry. I remember theone night that I had a hard exam. and All my 3three of myroommates left the room, in order to provide asilent place for me to study for my exam.
In conclusion, I think it is better for students to choose their roommates because they are going to spendtheir wholethe most time with them. So they should be people who they can goget along well with, and have fun.
Overall pretty good essay, just a few grammar problems.
Living in a dormitory is a very good opportunity for
I really prefer to live with somebody who I know. I do not like to spend time and energy
Also, I think it would be fun to live with your friends. I am really an energetic and talkative person, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. During my university days, I was engineering(engineering?) students and my lessons were really hard, but when I
Finally, I have some strange habits that some people cannot tolerate and my roommate
In conclusion, I think it is better for students to choose their roommates because they are going to spend
kaybee
Sep 7, 2013
Undergraduate / ART- UMass Lowell - What do you do in your spare time? [5]
First thing I noticed was actually a grammar mistake. In the first sentence, you say "I still remember when one of our neighbors HAD taught me how to draw a cat." I don't think you need the "had". Cut it out and see how it sounds. Better? Worse? Also, I really like how you included humor in your essay like how you said you have lots of free time (although, I think it's supposed to be "a lot"..I'm not sure "lots" is a grammatically correct word..but I could be wrong). I'm no essay expert, but I had fun reading your essay. Make sure to have a lot of friends and/or family read it and get feedback from them too!
First thing I noticed was actually a grammar mistake. In the first sentence, you say "I still remember when one of our neighbors HAD taught me how to draw a cat." I don't think you need the "had". Cut it out and see how it sounds. Better? Worse? Also, I really like how you included humor in your essay like how you said you have lots of free time (although, I think it's supposed to be "a lot"..I'm not sure "lots" is a grammatically correct word..but I could be wrong). I'm no essay expert, but I had fun reading your essay. Make sure to have a lot of friends and/or family read it and get feedback from them too!
kaybee
Sep 7, 2013
Undergraduate / Growing up in an Asian-American home, I always felt different; DIVERSITY ESSAY [3]
So, this essay is VERY rough. The topic is "Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity of the college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you."
Growing up in an Asian-American home, I always felt different from my friends, classmates, and sometimes even relatives. I went to grade school thinking I was normal, but I soon realized I had strange little habits that I picked up from my Japanese mother. I gave my teacher a slight bow when I saw her in the morning. I took off my shoes when I entered my friends' house, while they left theirs on. I ate noodles with chopsticks at lunch time. These habits were so small, but they made me feel like the elephant in the room everyday.
As I got older, more and more people became accepting of my background. In midde school, I was embarrassed when other people saw me with my mother and wished that I was a normal, American girl with a normal, American mother. I never wanted anybody to come over to my house because I thought that they would make fun of all the little Japanese decorations around my home. In high school, there were foreign exhange students in my classes who were quite popular. I still heard people mocking my mother's Japanese accent, but eventually it stopped. However, I still couldn't understand why I was considered different, yet the foreign exchange students weren't.
After highschool, I joined a one-year community service program with some of my church friends. We fundraised for a total of about seven or eight months to raise money to go overseas and do some service work. Out of the 10 or more countries that we could have gone to, my group was chosen to go to Japan and help out with the aftermath of the tsunami. This opportunity was that of a life-time and it largely contributed to who I am today.
We spent about a week and a half in Japan cleaning up debris in towns that had literally been wiped out from the tsunami. On the last day, we were taken to the town of Ishinomaki, which was one of the hardest-hit towns. There was less than nothing left. It was a ghost town. We were informed that every three days a tsunami survivor commits suicide and that the town itself would take 30 years to rebuild. I couldn't help but feel as though this was my home, my people, my family.
Coming back to America, I didn't feel the same. I didn't feel that coming from a different background from others was a bad thing. I no longer felt it was something to be embarrassed or ashamed of and I felt silly thinking about my middle school self who wanted to be somebody else. I discovered that coming from a diverse background and having different cultural experiences didn't make me a worse or better person. I now know that it makes me more accepting of others who are from different cultural backgrounds as well. I feel unique, in a good way and I feel fortunate to be myself.
Now that I'm in college, I've met so many people from so many places around the world. I get excited when I see people from other countries at my college and it makes me want to get to know them and know more about their culture. Starting the process of looking at schools to transfer to has been overwhelming, but exciting. I want to be able to contribute my experiences and what I know to any college community that I end up at. I want others to know about the world, about other ethnicities, and about people like myself. I want to bring my diversity to a college and have it be a learning experience for everyone. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to look over my application and read my essay. I hope that you come to the conclusion that I would be a wonderful addition to your university.
Some of my own notes
-I'm not sure I should include the part about going overseas. I'm not really sure how well it fits in.
-I don't feel that this essay flows correctly, but I don't know how to fix that.
-The essay has to be pretty short (250-500 words)
-Lastly, the school I'm applying to (Belmont University), has a very small percentage of minority students. That's why I chose this topic.
So, this essay is VERY rough. The topic is "Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity of the college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you."
Growing up in an Asian-American home, I always felt different from my friends, classmates, and sometimes even relatives. I went to grade school thinking I was normal, but I soon realized I had strange little habits that I picked up from my Japanese mother. I gave my teacher a slight bow when I saw her in the morning. I took off my shoes when I entered my friends' house, while they left theirs on. I ate noodles with chopsticks at lunch time. These habits were so small, but they made me feel like the elephant in the room everyday.
As I got older, more and more people became accepting of my background. In midde school, I was embarrassed when other people saw me with my mother and wished that I was a normal, American girl with a normal, American mother. I never wanted anybody to come over to my house because I thought that they would make fun of all the little Japanese decorations around my home. In high school, there were foreign exhange students in my classes who were quite popular. I still heard people mocking my mother's Japanese accent, but eventually it stopped. However, I still couldn't understand why I was considered different, yet the foreign exchange students weren't.
After highschool, I joined a one-year community service program with some of my church friends. We fundraised for a total of about seven or eight months to raise money to go overseas and do some service work. Out of the 10 or more countries that we could have gone to, my group was chosen to go to Japan and help out with the aftermath of the tsunami. This opportunity was that of a life-time and it largely contributed to who I am today.
We spent about a week and a half in Japan cleaning up debris in towns that had literally been wiped out from the tsunami. On the last day, we were taken to the town of Ishinomaki, which was one of the hardest-hit towns. There was less than nothing left. It was a ghost town. We were informed that every three days a tsunami survivor commits suicide and that the town itself would take 30 years to rebuild. I couldn't help but feel as though this was my home, my people, my family.
Coming back to America, I didn't feel the same. I didn't feel that coming from a different background from others was a bad thing. I no longer felt it was something to be embarrassed or ashamed of and I felt silly thinking about my middle school self who wanted to be somebody else. I discovered that coming from a diverse background and having different cultural experiences didn't make me a worse or better person. I now know that it makes me more accepting of others who are from different cultural backgrounds as well. I feel unique, in a good way and I feel fortunate to be myself.
Now that I'm in college, I've met so many people from so many places around the world. I get excited when I see people from other countries at my college and it makes me want to get to know them and know more about their culture. Starting the process of looking at schools to transfer to has been overwhelming, but exciting. I want to be able to contribute my experiences and what I know to any college community that I end up at. I want others to know about the world, about other ethnicities, and about people like myself. I want to bring my diversity to a college and have it be a learning experience for everyone. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to look over my application and read my essay. I hope that you come to the conclusion that I would be a wonderful addition to your university.
Some of my own notes
-I'm not sure I should include the part about going overseas. I'm not really sure how well it fits in.
-I don't feel that this essay flows correctly, but I don't know how to fix that.
-The essay has to be pretty short (250-500 words)
-Lastly, the school I'm applying to (Belmont University), has a very small percentage of minority students. That's why I chose this topic.