Undergraduate / I push my way through the crowded path ; World I come from [4]

I really liked you essay. In the first paragraph you have very well described your surrounding, and daily schedule. However, I think you should consider removing "still", since you used it three times in the paragraph, and the last part in which you referred to your daily homework, swimming and school project "banal affairs". That simply doesn't fit in and presents you as someone who's bored with homework and swimming.

Your second paragraph furthers descibes your city, but at the same time it throws light on the problems that you face on daily basis. I liked that part. Then in the third paragraph you show how prfoundly you have been impacted by your sorrounding, however, I personally believe you should cut down a bit on writing about politicians etc and tell something about your family or school. Since school and family are an integral part of our lives, I believe that should be included in your essay. Good luck!