Undergraduate / We've all been there. We've all been trapped in the endless chain of Wikipedia articles [3]

"Wikipedia is neither a place nor an environment and is therefore not the correct response to this prompt. The essay requires you to present a place or environment that you frequent in order to clearly establish why you go there and where the sense of contentment comes from."

I disagree with this to an extent. I do believe that you can write about Wikipedia, or Facebook, or any website for that matter because websites, in essence, ARE environments. I do however, don't think it is the wisest choice. Take this with a grain of salt, but it's easy to interpret this essay as bs. If you truly do love spending time on Wikipedia and clicking random links, then props to you my friend, but it really is not that believable. You are correct in stating that success in the current world relies on narrow focus of learning. Actually, that's how it's been for millions of years. That is something called division of labor, my friend, and it is not a profound concept. I do not believe that colleges nor workplaces nor anyplace will find in the near future a person who has little depth in a breadth of knowledge more attractive than a person who is specialized one subject. In fact, the entire point of majors in college defeats the point of your essay.

At the end of your essay, you do mention that you like computer science, but this goes completely contrary to what you've talked about in your 2nd paragraph -- that you like everything. Choose one--either stick with liking everything or liking computer science. My advice is to go with the latter -- and restructure your essay to indicating why you like computer science.

But at the end of the day, Wikipedia as a place where you are "perfectly content" is just extremely unrealistic and unbelievable to a college counselor. It's the equivalent of writing "my only hobby is studying I promise". A passion for studying must come with a warrant/reason, which is usually exclusive to studying a single/few topics.

Undergraduate / Duke strives for big- Why Duke [3]

Even then, you have listed some of the more generic things Duke has to offer. Think of the 30,000 kids that apply every year to Duke -- it's very likely that a couple other thousand kids have written about these generic things because, well, they're the most well-known traits about Duke!

You are better off researching some specific programs that Duke uniquely offers.

Undergraduate / How can my problem solving nature contribute to Rice? Rice University Personal Perspective Prompt [5]

I feel like I am reading an instruction book on how to reassemble the items you have listed.
I think Rice will find it very impressive that you have such a creative mind and passion for such activities, but in the end, what does this tell about the personal perspective that you will CONTRIBUTE to Rice????

Rice wants to know how your "drive to solve problems" will impact others/be impacted by others on campus in Houston. Believe it or not, there's probably a bunch of applicants like you who have invented some handy gadgets but it's really up to you to make the final step and make yourself standout by highlighting how you will use your ability to the fullest at Rice.

And finally, in the essay prompt itself, Rice reminds you that this question is designed not only to find out who you are, but demonstrate your writing skills and as of the current essay, it really doesn't feel creative at all -- it just feels like you're writing an instructions book.

Please don't take my words as harsh, I know how dreadful the college application process is, but I do have at least a bit of qualified advice to give as I did receive admission in Rice but I ultimately chose to attend Duke University. Good luck!

Undergraduate / I despise school - I have a story to tell UChicago [3]

Wow. Very deep. I apologize for your past experiences but I commend you for your personal growth and achievements. This is a very good essay already but has potential to become outstanding.

First, to me, the first line is a bit out of place. There's just something that doesn't seem right about it. Why do you choose to include spanish? I think you can create a more powerful or smoother opening -- one of the two. However, don't forget the "y"! It should be "yo soy yo y mi abrazo!"

Second, "utter confidence-destroying remarks" is awkward. There are better substitutes for what you are trying to describe such as "yell out crude and vulgar things". I don't think you need to use mine because you are the one who has experienced your life and you know your feelings better than I do.

Third, your transition into your third paragraph is very sudden. Who is Austin? Why did he tell you to apply? Why do you want to go to the best high school? Is it because it will offer you a refuge from your bullying? These are things the readers don't know! IMO, you should remove the things about "best high school" and "residential high school" and condense those sentences.

Finally, your ending is a bit weak. Hugs make you happy but who cares? Hugs make everyone happy. Hugs are unique to YOU in a way that no one else can experience. Hugs have repaired your damage from bullying (idk im just speculating here) and they have had a profound impact upon you. What do you hope to accomplish by hugging others? Or is it also for your personal emotions?

Good luck with your endeavors

Undergraduate / deciding on colleges to attend this year - University Of Pennsylvania Supplement Essay [2]

Very good essay -- My only suggestion is that in the last paragraph, don't talk about your process in "searching for a college". I think it's more effective if you get straight to the point why Upenn is a good match for you. Saying stuff like "i looked for the institution that would enable my goals as a criminology student" is just redundant. The admissions officers already know from your last two paragraphs that you are clearly passionate about criminology -- theres no need to reiterate it.

Also, don't say stuff like "its the oldest and best research university". The admissions officers are obviously proud of their institute but hundreds of stuents will say that exact statement and they'll be tired of hearing that.

Talk more specifically about what you will do in the Jerry Lee Center of criminology

Good work!

Undergraduate / Growing up without a father; Applying EA to MIT: SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGE [5]

Oops, I didn't read it closely enough! My apologies!
Yet, I think you can condense the eczema part into one sentence. The focus of the essay should be about you not growing up without a father. In addition, you need to write more and elaborate on how Doug changed your life in an introspective manner. You need to have a conclusive sentence saying what you gained from your experiences with Doug and what you learned. Just giving examples of what you did is not sufficient because it does not give colleges an insight of your personality or maturity etc.

Undergraduate / Growing up without a father; Applying EA to MIT: SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGE [5]

narrow your essay down to a specific challenge -- just mentioning eczema without any significance or elaboration of how you overcame it doesn't teach the admissions office anything about you.