Posts by mayi753

mayi753

Oct 25, 2013

Undergraduate / I liked the speed, adrenaline rush: How failure affected me and what i learnt from it. [6]

r: red, green, blue, yellow, white and many others.

I don't think saying the colors is necessary because you already stated that there were many colors.

WHAT! I had dropped the baton. Oh no! I'd done the very thing I'd so desperately tried to avoid.

try to find another way to describe you dropping it. For example, " As i closed my hand tightly to ensure the baton wouldn't fall, my heartbeat stopped when i realized i was holding thin air"

You might also want to speak about how you overcame this failure, how has it helped you to become better? or, Did decide to continue running your race in order to persevere ? Did you work harder, practice more in order to do better on the next race? Colleges want to see how you persevered.

Overall your essay was amazing! i really enjoyed it, you have a great story on your hands. Theres a similar essay that might help you improve yours, its called : Yes... I won another medal; UNC Common App Essay - failure

mayi753

Oct 25, 2013

Undergraduate / Moved from Thailand to America/ Technology ;"Bump in the road"/ Why UCF? [3]

Your essay its good, but for #1 you might want to change the intro. They already know what topics you choose , so start with something that its impacting. Also don't only describe the bumps you had, but how you overcome them. I also come from another country when i was little, so believe i know what you went through. Speak about adapting to the new culture. The difficulty in learning a new language and how maybe now you're a good student taking honors classes ( if that's the case), this is just an example. The colleges want to know about the adversities that you have faced, but they want to see how you were able to overcome them. You have a great story !

PLease read my essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need feedback : its called "Essay for Harvard admission !!!! please provide input"

mayi753

Oct 25, 2013

Undergraduate / 'Allowing myself to learn' - University of Chicago Essay! Why UC? [5]

I really liked you essay.
If you want to make it a bit longer you can talk about any clubs (or sports) or activity that the university does that you enjoy, in which you can further strenghten your skills. But over all its awesome

mayi753

Oct 24, 2013

Undergraduate / Our identity is found in our unique stories; Essay for Harvard admission [4]

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Our identity is found in our unique stories. Stories which have been build up with our background, experiences and passions.
I'm a Christian, my life has been so greatly affected by God that without him I wouldn't have a purpose. At such a young age, I have my future planned out and throughout my past years of education I have prepared in order to accomplish what I want.

Outside of my academic success and involvement in clubs and organization, my passion is placed in leadership. From my perspective, is not only about becoming better every day, but also assisting others to do the same. As I said before, being a Christian takes great influence in what I do on my daily life. I'm a leader at the church "Segadores De Vida" ( Harvesters of life) . They have developed my talents and gift with the purpose of using them to impact those who surround me. I do this by talking to girls (sometimes guys) listening to their problems, providing advise ( based on my morals and principals) and praying for them.

With a partner we hold weekly youth group for girls of all ages. Our vision is to work with each of them individually until they are prepared to become leaders themselves. I love to see someone grow. I love to see teenagers getting out of their shell to make a difference, to stand up regardless of what others think. And I love to be given the opportunity to help them get there. Many times leadership is all about being a shoulder, a stepping stone into someone's greatness, proving that warmth environment where people feel at home.

To be a leader is not just being in charge of an activity, leadership is to have the ability to influence others in such a way that your name will forever be remembered in their heads. Segadores has thought me how to leave a legacy wherever we go because that's what is going to transcend us. Throughout this leadership I have learned how to encounter those who face family problems, as many teenagers go through. We have had girls that used to do drugs and smoked but after several talks and prayer, have decided to be changed by God. In this way, I started reaching out to many of my friends.

This can also be portrait in the ministry at church where I have done over 150 of my community hours with kids ages 9-11. A ministry called "SDV Kids"; I formed part of a team that takes cares of them . I preach to them, counsel them, play with them, just anything that is in my hands in order to help them be better.

Many perceive me as different because of how I carry myself, numerous of my acquaintances are surprise when I tell them not to use curse word in front of me, others are perplex when they learn my story and hear my testimony. But it's all about how I use what I have in order to create that change in people's life.

So if you ask me what I have to contribute, my answer would be : I have the abilities to take those skills that I have acquired and to utilize them in Harvard if given the chance, whether it is in any clubs or organizations, I'm prepared to continue making a difference in whatever I do.

Depicting from what Maxwell said "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." It not just about knowing the way, but reaching out to others and helping them find that way. Many times this requires for us start a way where one doesn't exist.