Izzy25
Oct 28, 2013
Undergraduate / What I believe defines a great leader;Common app essay [6]
Thank you for your input!
Thank you for your input!
Izzy25
Oct 28, 2013
Undergraduate / What I believe defines a great leader;Common app essay [6]
thanks for the reply. Atleast some one acknowledged my essay lol
thanks for the reply. Atleast some one acknowledged my essay lol
Izzy25
Oct 27, 2013
Graduate / It was love at first sight; University of Pennsylvania QuestBridge Sup [2]
i like it ...a lot.
There was just a few things that I just want to say:
elaborate on this sentence if you have more space for words.
For example : "Through the challenging course work, and highly qualified professors I believe my knowledge of science will soar at proliferating levels."
Kind of kiss up to the school a little. It's definitely not the best sentence, but I am pretty sure you can come up with something better than my own.
I'm not entirely sure, but it sounds like a run on sentence. If you find that stating the AP classes you take are significant, maybe try cutting of another part of the sentence.I also noticed you stated AP classes twice. One time is enough.
And this sentence is also kind of wordy. Try and steer away from the overuse of commas. They are NOT your friends!
So I guess in all, most of your sentences tend too be a little to wordy.
But the content is very clever and understandable!
P.S: Please excuse me for my grammar (im in a rush), this my first time using this website.
Please check out my essay too if you can!:D
i like it ...a lot.
There was just a few things that I just want to say:
By applying to the University of Pennsylvania College of Arts and Sciences, I expect to satiate this desire for knowledge in the sciences.
elaborate on this sentence if you have more space for words.
For example : "Through the challenging course work, and highly qualified professors I believe my knowledge of science will soar at proliferating levels."
Kind of kiss up to the school a little. It's definitely not the best sentence, but I am pretty sure you can come up with something better than my own.
hus, I sought out the answer in a years-long journey, taking as many of the advanced science courses that my high school offered as possible, including advanced placement courses in biology, chemistry, and physics.
I'm not entirely sure, but it sounds like a run on sentence. If you find that stating the AP classes you take are significant, maybe try cutting of another part of the sentence.I also noticed you stated AP classes twice. One time is enough.
I sought out the answer in a years-long journey, taking as many of the advanced science courses such asthat my high school offered as possible , includingadvanced placement courses biology, chemistry, and physics.
And this sentence is also kind of wordy. Try and steer away from the overuse of commas. They are NOT your friends!
I understand that I have a very lengthy path in front of me, but for me, that path is concrete and I will see to it that, with a UPenn College education, I benefit society with my understanding of the sciences.
So I guess in all, most of your sentences tend too be a little to wordy.
But the content is very clever and understandable!
P.S: Please excuse me for my grammar (im in a rush), this my first time using this website.
Please check out my essay too if you can!:D
Izzy25
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / What I believe defines a great leader;Common app essay [6]
Common app:
"You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something, and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process."
- Randall Munroe '06, webcomic and xkcd founder.
In your opinion, what qualities define a great leader? (200-500 words)
So here my take on what I believe defines a great leader. Does it make sense? Does it sound good?
My response:
In every living species that dwells on planet earth, there is an individual that becomes the forefront of the masses: he is the leader. In a wolf pack, the best hunter would decide the strategy used to catch the next meal for his group. Then when the night would come, he would howl to direct his pack home until dawn arises. An excellent leader, such as a wolf, can be emulated by anyone who has the attributes of fearlessness, motivation, and communication. These are the factors I believe define a great leader.
Being fearless is to be a risk taker; someone who finds the possible in the impossible and proves all oppositions wrong. Like a hunter, he will tirelessly work toward his goal, and will never accept failure. He will bring down the biggest animal and challenge the highest obstacles. Today, a man like Bill Gates is a fearless hunter. For him, failure is not an option. He did everything in his power to create Microsoft, the computer software that is now used all over the world. He is a trendsetter and defines our world through technology. Without the fearlessness of him and other great entrepreneurs, the world as we know it would not be the same.
Motivation goes hand in hand with fearlessness. A great leader never lets anything stand in the way of success. Martin Luther King Jr. is the definition of motivation. He steps up to defend the "colored" race and attempts to put an end to societal segregation. Just like a wolf pursuing its prey, MLK battles to destroy the
idea of white supremacy. Despite all his efforts, he dies and never lives to see the results of what he started. However, what truly makes him a great leader is that he fought, to his death, for what he believed in. MLK's motivation and determination for change massively influenced the entire world.
Being an exceptional communicator is the last golden key to becoming a great leader. Although fearlessness and motivation are significant, leadership thrives on outstanding communication skills. A strong communicator can envision ideas that speak to his followers' emotions, aspirations, and goals. Martin Luther King Jr. uses his profound communication techniques to inspire his audience to act on their desires and goals. After the death of MLK, his followers were so motivated that
they were able to continue what he began. MLK was an individual that utilized his voice to create a fair nation and end segregation. He also, was a trendsetter who will be forever remembered in American history.
There is no individual that has the innate characteristics of a leader. Like Randall
Monroe said, "...You become great by wanting to do something, and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process." Both MLK and Gates wanted to do something, and struggled to achieve it. Through restless struggle for achievement, they developed the characteristics of fearlessness, motivation, and communication. They developed the qualities that truly define a great leader.
Common app:
"You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something, and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process."
- Randall Munroe '06, webcomic and xkcd founder.
In your opinion, what qualities define a great leader? (200-500 words)
So here my take on what I believe defines a great leader. Does it make sense? Does it sound good?
My response:
In every living species that dwells on planet earth, there is an individual that becomes the forefront of the masses: he is the leader. In a wolf pack, the best hunter would decide the strategy used to catch the next meal for his group. Then when the night would come, he would howl to direct his pack home until dawn arises. An excellent leader, such as a wolf, can be emulated by anyone who has the attributes of fearlessness, motivation, and communication. These are the factors I believe define a great leader.
Being fearless is to be a risk taker; someone who finds the possible in the impossible and proves all oppositions wrong. Like a hunter, he will tirelessly work toward his goal, and will never accept failure. He will bring down the biggest animal and challenge the highest obstacles. Today, a man like Bill Gates is a fearless hunter. For him, failure is not an option. He did everything in his power to create Microsoft, the computer software that is now used all over the world. He is a trendsetter and defines our world through technology. Without the fearlessness of him and other great entrepreneurs, the world as we know it would not be the same.
Motivation goes hand in hand with fearlessness. A great leader never lets anything stand in the way of success. Martin Luther King Jr. is the definition of motivation. He steps up to defend the "colored" race and attempts to put an end to societal segregation. Just like a wolf pursuing its prey, MLK battles to destroy the
idea of white supremacy. Despite all his efforts, he dies and never lives to see the results of what he started. However, what truly makes him a great leader is that he fought, to his death, for what he believed in. MLK's motivation and determination for change massively influenced the entire world.
Being an exceptional communicator is the last golden key to becoming a great leader. Although fearlessness and motivation are significant, leadership thrives on outstanding communication skills. A strong communicator can envision ideas that speak to his followers' emotions, aspirations, and goals. Martin Luther King Jr. uses his profound communication techniques to inspire his audience to act on their desires and goals. After the death of MLK, his followers were so motivated that
they were able to continue what he began. MLK was an individual that utilized his voice to create a fair nation and end segregation. He also, was a trendsetter who will be forever remembered in American history.
There is no individual that has the innate characteristics of a leader. Like Randall
Monroe said, "...You become great by wanting to do something, and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process." Both MLK and Gates wanted to do something, and struggled to achieve it. Through restless struggle for achievement, they developed the characteristics of fearlessness, motivation, and communication. They developed the qualities that truly define a great leader.
