Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by cras69
Name: Ryan Crasta
Joined: Oct 28, 2013
Last Post: Feb 26, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: United Arab Emirates
School: Indian School

Displayed posts: 5
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cras69   
Feb 26, 2014
Undergraduate / Essay explaining why you have chosen to continue onto post-secondary [2]

This essay has a 250 word limit and is on an application I have to submit in a couple of days. Please let me know about any changes I should make. Thanks in advance.

"Knowledge is Power". I have read this phrase a hundred times over as I enter the main-gate of my school. This phrase, in a semi-circular alignment on the signboard, is the Motto of my school. I have been told the importance of knowledge and have witnessed it myself.

My father often reiterates the importance of education and how I must value it. He has narrated the stories of how knowledge has helped him reach where he is today. He never has second thoughts about an opportunity to learn. He encourages me to avail any such prospects and make best use of it.

During the farewell of Grade 12 students, the School Principal emphasized in his speech the value of knowledge we obtained in our years of study. He called it the 'soul of society' that passes down from one generation to the next and is what enables us to achieve our goals.

Each time I enter the school campus, the three words of the School Motto phrase inspires me. It reminds me that knowledge is what drives and keeps the world running. Knowledge helps leap over barriers and gain wider perspectives. It is what sets us free from the fetters to reach our full potential.

As I progress to pursue a post-secondary education, I intend to do exactly the same. I look forward to learning new skills and ideas to grasp abstract concepts and gain a better understanding of the world to become a productive member of society.
cras69   
Feb 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: WHY DO YOU NEED MUSIC? [5]

Well quite a few corrections to be done, but one thing I want to say first.
The topic you've mentioned is "WHY DO **YOU** NEED MUSIC?"
In the whole essay you talk about music in general: its types, some examples and its importance to humans in general. Nowhere do you include why "you" need it.

IMO you should rewrite this. Try mentioning something like, it acts a solace for you. Or maybe listening/playing music is a hobby to you. You could also mention that it helps you concentrate (it helps me!).
cras69   
Nov 30, 2013
Undergraduate / I started my education in a Japanese school, in Indonesia; Common App [4]

Japanese school, in Indonesia

Japanese school in Indonesia

for pursuing higher education and career.

to pursue a higher education and get a job.

Before entering 9th grade, I asked if I could move

you asked who?

English speaking school to help me improve my English skill and there was a perfect British education system in my city for me

English-medium school to help improve my English.
(then you can say whoever you asked said yes and then move on to this)
I then went to a British education school in my city which was perfect for me.

My first year, my grades were not good because I was in the process of getting used to the new systems; however, I was determined and fast learner.

My grades were not good in my first year because I wasn't used to the education system there. But I was a fast learner, and was determined to do better.

improvements

improvement

Finally I had the confident in pursuing my dream; deciding to move to Stevenson school from 11th grade.

Finally I became confident, and decided to move in 11th grade to Stevenson school, an American education school.

Once again, a new transition to an American system school was a struggle, but I was able to improve my grades and receive an honor roll within a year.

I struggled again with the transition to a new education system, but I was able to improve my grades and received an honor roll within a year.

All my grades recorded was purely

All my grades recorded were purely
cras69   
Nov 29, 2013
Undergraduate / 'No Birthday or Christmas present' - Essay for biggest obstacle [3]

Topic is "biggest obstacle you have overcome "

I feel you have talked about your obstacle, described it well enough,
but it seems like you didn't overcome it, you just went away from it [

On the other hand, I have so many things

... ]

These are a few changes I feel would be better:

The most challenging obstacle I have had to overcome is growing up without my father being a part of my life.

- The most challenging obstacle I have had to overcome is growing up without my father

I never received a phone call or a present on my Birthday or Christmas.

I never received a phone call on my birthday or a present on Christmas.

flew across to the country to see him.

flew across the country to see him.

my father, his wife, her two children.

my father, his wife and her two children.

Those two children, who were not even blood related to me but knew my father better than I knew him.

I feel this sentence would be best if you said it like this:
They were not related by blood to my father, but they knew him better than I did.

After that I never heard back from him. And never saw the money.

I never heard from him after that, and the money never came.

I think about him a lot of the time

I think about him a lot
cras69   
Oct 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Cricket Coaching Classes; Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. [2]

Any suggestions/corrections I should make?
Is the story I'm using good enough/convincing?


Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
A failure that hit me hard, was one which I faced when I started Cricket Coaching Classes in my hometown. I belong to a very cricket crazy country: India. In India, one can always find a group of people playing cricket on the streets, in parking lots, on rooftops, etc. Now I didn't exactly do all of those things, but I was a huge cricket fan. I played cricket with my friends, neighbors and even family members. At times, I even played by myself in my bedroom; tossing the ball against the wall and hitting it with my cricket bat once it came back. Indeed I was cricket-crazy, and so when a cricket training center opened in my hometown, I signed up immediately. I eagerly waited for the coaching classes to commence, and kept everything ready for the first day of training; I lined up my cricket bats, collected my cricket balls, and washed my sports outfit and sports shoes.

The first day of training came. I reached 10 minutes before the reporting time, and then stood in a line with another 30 boys, impatiently waiting to show my talent and abilities to the coach who would come to train us. The coach arrived on the dot, and started the training with some jogging and other warm-up exercises. After that was done, he began the first training session - catching practice. He made me and the other boys form a circle around him, and he tossed a cricket to ball to each one of us, and we had to catch it, and throw it back at him. Now 'catching' was one thing of cricket I, hitherto, considered a piece of cake. But I failed miserably at catching practice. 90% of the time I would fail to hold onto the ball, if at all I could get the ball into my hands. At times, I would see the ball land perfectly into my hands, and then jump back out. Now I wasn't the only one who performed so poorly; I had another 2 dozen others with me. Our coach chided us and then divided us into smaller groups, and made us practice only catching for the rest of the 2 hours. At the end of it, he lectured us on how we were failing at one of the most important 'organs of cricket'. I wasn't the only one who did poorly in the catching practice, but the failure of others in no way comforted me. I had a great a passion for Cricket, and so this failure left me dispirited. But then in the following days, I started to view my failure from a different perspective and questioned myself on why I performed poorly. This introspection enabled me to learn some important lessons in life.

Firstly, I learnt that I should never be overconfident. I had played cricket for many years, with many different people, on many different types of terrain. Having this experience, I thought the coaching classes wouldn't be different at all, and would be a walk in the park for me. I became overconfident of my abilities, and so my overconfidence made my debacle worse. Secondly, I learnt that I should be open to criticism. While the coach chided us for our poor performance, he frequently reiterated that our technique was wrong, and showed us repeatedly the better way of catching the cricket ball. Though he might've not been speaking to us in a friendly manner, he was right; he was guiding us on the right path.

I didn't expect to face failure in cricket, so it hit me hard when I did fail. But what I never expected, was to learn some important lessons in life, from one of the most disheartening failures I have ever faced.
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