Undergraduate / "The Building Blocks in Reaching my Goal"- UIUC Prompt [3]

i think when you describe your interest you in pediatric ,you can give a your brother's case as a example,but it is not persuasive enough,You should add some subjective or personal emotion.such as you can say when your brother was fighting with disease,you can do thing but prey for him. so at that time ,you made your mind that you would become a pediatric doctor to help other young people just like your brother who are tormented by the disease,and alleviate their suffering.