Posts by fantianxiao

fantianxiao

Nov 9, 2013

Writing Feedback / I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working. [10]

How about this one?

In some countries, teenagers are encouraged to attend working in many sectors and earn money. However, it is not possible in some other countries. In this essay, I will explain both sides of this statement before reaching at a conclusion.

It is undeniable that participating in some types of work indeed benefits children to some extent. For example, children who attend working can not only amass dollars, but also acquire work experience. In the long run, candidates who obtain sufficient working experience are quite distinct from those who lack of relevant experience. Therefore, they are more likely to achieve success and live a satisfied life. Apart from this, children who attend working are more physically and mentally mature than their peers thanks to their experience of being exposed to the society.

There are also numerous drawbacks of working at an early age. Primarily, an occupation designed for an adult might not suit those adolescents. They may include many special skills which beyond children's capability. This scenario, at the same time, indicates the importance for the youth to acquire a sea of knowledge and skills which could be in preparation for their career in 15 later lives. In addition, lacking the child-friendly facilities in the working environment could become another problem to worry about. For instance, the desks and chairs are too high for a child, and in some certain circumstances such as a chemistry factory, the atmosphere is even toxic for children. As a result, these potential hazards make it dangerous for the youth to work to some extent.

Ultimately, from my point of view, working at an early age should not be encouraged. Albeit working can allow teenagers to amass dollars, it is still an unwise choice not only because working can become a distraction, but also because of the potential hazard which threaten the adolescents' safety.

fantianxiao

Nov 7, 2013

Writing Feedback / I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working. [10]

Thanks for your conclusion. It's very helpful!! :)

fantianxiao

Nov 6, 2013

Writing Feedback / I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working. [10]

Thanks a lot JethroJosh :) What you said is really helpful and I will google how to write effective analytical paragraphs and rewrite some parts of my essay. Your ideas mean a lot to me!

fantianxiao

Nov 5, 2013

Writing Feedback / I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working. [10]

Thanks for your correction, and I admit that I have to improve my writing skills since I'm not a native speaker. However, some of your opinions might be skeptical, for example, Asian children don't have to work to feed themselves because their parents have the capability to raise them and some of Asian family are even quite wealthy. But still, I learn a lot from what you said and I will try to overcome my weaknesses. Your suggestion is of great value for me. Thank you very much.

fantianxiao

Nov 4, 2013

Writing Feedback / I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working. [10]

[IELTS] In many countries children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Discuss!

Virtually all the students might confront with a dilemma that whether or not teenagers should be involved in diverse types of paid work. Recently, this issue has sparked heated debate. Some individuals deem it completely wrong while others consider it a precious experience which is vitally significant for both studying and taking responsibility. Nevertheless, I contend that adolescents should coordinate their time of studying and working.

Admittedly, indeed, participating in some types of work can not only earn some money, but also allow youth to acquire numerous precious qualities, knowledge and capability, such as the sense of responsibility, learning skills, work experience, to name but a few. Nonetheless, it is unwise to conclude that students should take up working during their adolescence. Despite these advantages, what people cannot neglect is that, it is studying, instead of working that is of the essence of the role as students. Being engaged in the paid work may occupy their precious and limited time for studying. As a result, their studies suffered. In order not to distract the youth from working, I deem it vitally significant to balance studying and working. In other words, more directly, parents and schools should restrain the time spending on working.

Apart from what I laid out above, there are sufficient reasons which are in favor of my perception. Primarily, an occupation designed for an adult might not suit those adolescents. They may include many special skills which beyond children's capability. This scenario, at the same time, indicates the importance for the youth to acquire a sea of knowledge and skills which could be in preparation for their career in later life. In addition, lacking the child-friendly facilities in the working environment could become another problem to worry about. For instance, the desks and chairs are too high for a child, and in some certain circumstances such as a chemistry factory, the atmosphere is even toxic for children. As a result, these potential hazards make it dangerous for the youth to work to some extent.

To sum up, albeit working can allow children to earn salary and even perquisite, it is still unwise for them to embark on diverse kinds of jobs not only because working can become a distraction, but also because of the potential hazard which threaten the adolescents' safety.