Posts by RaeAi

RaeAi

Nov 23, 2013

Undergraduate / "Culture pitted against culture" - UC app- World you come from [3]

Good job! I really enjoy reading your essay, especially your last paragraph.

RaeAi

Nov 12, 2013

Undergraduate / I used to be very easily swayed by the opinions of others; Yale Writing Supplement [2]

Regarding to the why Yale essay. I like how you talk about its dedication in distributing the education to people from all over the world. But i think you need to talk about YOU. why YOU like this idea, because this philosophy resonates with your vision of education, or is it because you also want to use your knowledge to positively influence others?

short answer a: change the "recently" sentence and directly say that you gonna go back to a beach where you... don't use past tense.

were a little less reckless

I would suggest to point out what you want to say more clearly. maybe time management in this case?

I went to China with only a basic grasp of Mandarin. I stayed in a dormitory with mostly native speakers. I had to learn and become independent quickly.

Sorry for saying this. but I don't see how picking up Mandarin in China helps you to become more independent.

So overall, I think instead of talking about your concern for YOURSELF, you need to have a broader vision. to talk about your compassion, you determination to influence your surroundings. Dream big and target high. A big picture of what kind of person you are is lacking here.

Good luck with your application!

RaeAi

Nov 6, 2013

Undergraduate / UM Application- A nomad's home (harsh criticism valued) [3]

Your essay flows really well and I like it. I think one thing you need to improve on is that right now you are talking about too many things in your essay and I confused by the main point you try to show. Also, I think you can spend more space on talking about your high school experience and elaborate on how you've changed during this period. Remember: do not focus too much on who you USED TO BE, but what kind of person you are right now.

RaeAi

Nov 6, 2013

Undergraduate / How Ping-Pong Shapes Me| Activity Essay [4]

Please discuss one of your extracurricular activities that has required a particularly significant time commitment or that has played a meaningful role in your personal development. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

Smash. I unexpectedly change the pace and shoot the Ping-Pong ball to the right hand corner of my opponent's court.

Within seconds, my mind flashes from guessing my opponent's technics as soon as the ball is tossed to the mid-air to deciding responsive strategies the moment the ball hits my racket. Quick in mind, I think and tackle problems the same way as I play Ping-Pong-quickly and incisively elicit the essence from complex details. Quick on feet, I respond accordingly under changing situations, just as I move flexibly from one spot of the court to another after judging the direction that the ball heads to.

Although externally intense and aggressive, Ping-Pong playing requires a peaceful mind. The game is an alternation of wins and loses, and I came from the stage of being easily susceptible to fluctuations to coolly analyzing the result. Remaining calm, I recover from thrill or depression, and therefore keep my good performance or modify my tactics timely. Through learning from mistakes during grasps of breaks in Ping-Pong games, I treasure rather than lament at failures because they are bases for improvements.

Applause bursts out for my sudden and perfect smash. Simply wiping down the sweat on my forehead, I focus back on the spinning Ping-Pong ball, which has been instilling me with acuteness and calmness during the past eight years.