anni
Apr 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]
thanks so much everyone!!!
thanks so much everyone!!!
anni
Apr 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]
ok...how about this? I have been working on it all day, tell me how you think it sounds. Especially the third paragraph, I am not sure about it. Just need to figure out a good flow, doesn't seem like it flows right now.
p.s. what can I do about the "I've always" that I seem to keep repeating in the 2nd and 3rd paragraph? any ideas?
ok...how about this? I have been working on it all day, tell me how you think it sounds. Especially the third paragraph, I am not sure about it. Just need to figure out a good flow, doesn't seem like it flows right now.
p.s. what can I do about the "I've always" that I seem to keep repeating in the 2nd and 3rd paragraph? any ideas?
anni
Apr 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]
I'm not exactly sure what I will study there, I haven't started attending UTD yet, if I got in to UT I would transfer there in the spring. But so far I believe I will be studying criminology at UTD. Since it has always been my dream to go to UT and they don't have criminology, I think I would fall back on english.
I'm not exactly sure what I will study there, I haven't started attending UTD yet, if I got in to UT I would transfer there in the spring. But so far I believe I will be studying criminology at UTD. Since it has always been my dream to go to UT and they don't have criminology, I think I would fall back on english.
anni
Apr 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]
Ok i've italicized everything I changed even a bit, so let me know if anything sounds weird. I'm not sure about the 3rd paragraph, I know it needs more but I kind of hit a block because I knew it just didn't sound right. :(
Thanks for all the advice by the way! Really helping!!
Ok i've italicized everything I changed even a bit, so let me know if anything sounds weird. I'm not sure about the 3rd paragraph, I know it needs more but I kind of hit a block because I knew it just didn't sound right. :(
Thanks for all the advice by the way! Really helping!!
anni
Apr 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]
Essay Prompt: Statement of Purpose
I know its pretty bad, but I am just getting started, deadline isn't until October, so I can be tweaking until then. Please help!
As if tax day wasn't stressful enough...On April 15, 2005, on our way home from a dreaded thyroid biopsy, we heard the news. It was already a silent ride home with a feeling of foreboding in the air. My mother's cell phone rang. Already not accustomed to driving while talking on the phone, she conversed with my doctor. The doctor's coldhearted words were "The results show your daughter has papillary thyroid cancer, you should see a surgeon." My mother could barely mumble "bye" as the tears started to stream down her cheeks.
After much searching, we finally found a surgeon that knew she could handle the complexity of my particular case. My life did a 360 following the complete removal of my thyroid and two doses of radiation at sixteen years old. It took everything I had to keep my mind on my goals while fighting lack of energy, irregular hormones, and more weight gain than I want to put an exact number on. I am still educating myself on my disease and what I can do to feel better. I've always let everything go just thinking as a young woman that had been through cancer and back this was just normal, because the doctors told me that all my tests looked normal. I am now on my way to feeling more energized, and becoming a better person for it. I take pride in my aggressiveness to describe to my doctor how I feel in a way that they can help me manage everything I am feeling no matter what the test results are.
I've always known I wasn't going to let this get in the way of my unwavering dream of attending your school, and that I was persistently going to put my heart and soul into doing the best I can academically to fulfill that dream. If I was to accomplish this aspiration, I would be able to move away from home for school and broaden my horizons. I feel this would help me in expanding my knowledge of life, and in turn let me explore more areas of opportunity that would allow me to use my experience with the aim of facilitating communities all around me. My ordeal has also lit the fire underneath me to study English literature and learn more about what exactly makes life worth living.
Now that I am more appreciative of the life I love with the people I care for, I now have a more significant desire to travel the nation speaking of my experiences, and hopefully giving comfort to those patients who can't find it elsewhere. Though it was a hard time for me and those who loved me, I can still turn it around and use it to help others in the best way I can. In my extra time, I volunteer for ThyCa: Thyroid Cancer Survivors' Association, Inc, helping other thyroid patients with their cancer experiences. Another ambition of mine for the future is to travel around America helping cancer patients in any way and try to relate to what they are going through. These goals are all part of my plan to better myself. Cancer will not stop me and my determination to lead the life I desire.
Essay Prompt: Statement of Purpose
I know its pretty bad, but I am just getting started, deadline isn't until October, so I can be tweaking until then. Please help!
As if tax day wasn't stressful enough...On April 15, 2005, on our way home from a dreaded thyroid biopsy, we heard the news. It was already a silent ride home with a feeling of foreboding in the air. My mother's cell phone rang. Already not accustomed to driving while talking on the phone, she conversed with my doctor. The doctor's coldhearted words were "The results show your daughter has papillary thyroid cancer, you should see a surgeon." My mother could barely mumble "bye" as the tears started to stream down her cheeks.
After much searching, we finally found a surgeon that knew she could handle the complexity of my particular case. My life did a 360 following the complete removal of my thyroid and two doses of radiation at sixteen years old. It took everything I had to keep my mind on my goals while fighting lack of energy, irregular hormones, and more weight gain than I want to put an exact number on. I am still educating myself on my disease and what I can do to feel better. I've always let everything go just thinking as a young woman that had been through cancer and back this was just normal, because the doctors told me that all my tests looked normal. I am now on my way to feeling more energized, and becoming a better person for it. I take pride in my aggressiveness to describe to my doctor how I feel in a way that they can help me manage everything I am feeling no matter what the test results are.
I've always known I wasn't going to let this get in the way of my unwavering dream of attending your school, and that I was persistently going to put my heart and soul into doing the best I can academically to fulfill that dream. If I was to accomplish this aspiration, I would be able to move away from home for school and broaden my horizons. I feel this would help me in expanding my knowledge of life, and in turn let me explore more areas of opportunity that would allow me to use my experience with the aim of facilitating communities all around me. My ordeal has also lit the fire underneath me to study English literature and learn more about what exactly makes life worth living.
Now that I am more appreciative of the life I love with the people I care for, I now have a more significant desire to travel the nation speaking of my experiences, and hopefully giving comfort to those patients who can't find it elsewhere. Though it was a hard time for me and those who loved me, I can still turn it around and use it to help others in the best way I can. In my extra time, I volunteer for ThyCa: Thyroid Cancer Survivors' Association, Inc, helping other thyroid patients with their cancer experiences. Another ambition of mine for the future is to travel around America helping cancer patients in any way and try to relate to what they are going through. These goals are all part of my plan to better myself. Cancer will not stop me and my determination to lead the life I desire.